Archive for the ‘Christianity’ Category

Night Train, Thun­der­bird and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Crazy hobo with gui­tar to stranger: Damn… you in­vit­ed a lot of peo­ple.

–1 Train

Hobo to young mar­ried cou­ple: I have found the promised land. Se­ri­ous­ly. I’d get a plane tick­et right now, but it’d be cheap­er to go to con­fes­sion for a week and then get hit by a bus. Re­mind me to tell you about this lat­er.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Oliv­er

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-some­thing girl walks past him, with busi­ness­man a few steps be­hind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thomp­son

Hobo, tak­ing do­na­tions to help the home­less, count­ing coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fist­ful of coins sticks in pock­et) Tax re­bate!

–Union Square

Where Uni­tar­i­ans Come From

Gen­tile #1: I’m think­ing he looks more like a rab­bi. Can’t you just pic­ture the yarmulke on his head?
Gen­tile #2: Drei­del, drei­del, drei­del, I made you out of wood.
Gen­tile #1: Clay!
Gen­tile #2: Clay? Oh, it is clay… see, that’s what makes me not Jew­ish.
Gen­tile #1: Be­lieve it or not, in Catholic school dur­ing Hanukkah they had us play drei­del games and eat latkes and stuff.
Gen­tile #2: That’s very weird.
Gen­tile #1: Hey, it was bet­ter than read­ing the Bible.
Gen­tile #2: Touché.

–New School for So­cial Re­search

Vague­ly Chris­t­ian Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Crazy home­less guy: Ya see, I don’t like the Bap­tists, be­cause I’m a Ro­man Catholic. But I would hire a Bap­tist man, be­cause I like the dough­nuts.

–4 train

Over­heard by: Russ Wall

Lit­tle boy skip­ping: I did not com­mit a sin!

–Cen­tral Park

Yup­pie chick on cell: It’s re­al­ly easy to con­vert to Protes­tantism. All you have to do is kill a few Catholics, Mar­tin Luther King style. Okay, I got­ta go, I have a train to catch.

–Mon­tague St, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: I’d like to know where she stud­ied his­to­ry

Man bow­ing head: Hail Mary, full of– ah, fuck it.

–North­bound Q train

Who’ll Have the Last Laugh When the Mes­si­ah Pops Out?

Girl­friend: I’m not feel­ing so good.
Boyfriend: Why? What’s wrong?
Girl­friend: I feel queasy and dizzy.
Boyfriend: What if you were preg­nant?
Girl­friend: By what? Im­mac­u­late con­cep­tion? Or your fin­ger?

–13th St & 4th Ave

Over­heard by: Bis­cuit-lover

Some Half-Baked Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Woman on cell: I have to get home so I can put away the b‑o-n‑g.

–19th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Kyle

Man in light green suit with or­ange-red gators: Read the bible tonight. Don’t smoke that Scoo­by Doo­bie Doo. Don’t get high tonight!

–125th & Lenox

Over­heard by: Plau­si­ble

Young hip­ster: So I said, “Mom, did you smoke with me?”

–Cen­tral Park Reser­voir

An­gry girl­friend to boyfriend: Okay, so you don’t want me smok­ing pot, you don’t want me smok­ing cig­a­rettes or cloves, you don’t want me chew­ing gum and now you don’t like lol­lipops? So tell me, Pe­ter, what can I put in my mouth that’s okay with you?

–L Train

Over­heard by: It’s me, bitch­es.

Teacher: Steve*, I need to talk to your pot deal­er, be­cause the stuff you’re smok­ing is re­al­ly good.

–Coop­er Union

Over­heard by: me too

Guy talk­ing on blue tooth: I should be there in about 45 min­utes. (pause) Yeah, I’m se­ri­ous! (pause) Look. I got an idea for ya. Why don’t you go roll a big fat blunt, smoke it un­til you can’t see any­more and then I’ll be there. Al­right? Bye.

–8th Ave & 27th St

Over­heard by: Er­i­ca Fried­man

Girl: I mean hon­est­ly, who at NYU does­n’t smell like weed?

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park