Archive for the ‘Classroom’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: “Is This Thing On?”

PA sys­tem: Leia, please meet your par­ty at the front. Leia, not the princess, please meet your par­ty at the front.

–Bed, Bath & Be­yond, 18th & 6th

Over­heard by: Re­bec­ca

An­nounc­er over loud­speak­er: The time is now one am o’­clock!

–Bag­gage Claim, JFK

Over­heard by: Kim­mie

Loud­speak­er an­nounce­ment: At­ten­tion, all late night shop­pers, this is a live an­nounce­ment. I re­peat, this is not a record­ing! Right now, in our deli de­part­ment, ful­ly-cooked chick­ens! Come on over and get your chick­ens! They’re hot! They’re fresh! And they were alive this morn­ing!

–Path­mark, Cropsey Ave, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Sta­cy

An­nounce­ment over loud­speak­er dur­ing class: Hel­lo, I’m sor­ry for the in­ter­rup­tion. Mr Poland Spring, you have to go out­side, they’re about to tow your truck.

–Stuyvesant High School

Loud­speak­er: Good af­ter­noon, East Side. Fag football…oops, I mean “flag foot­ball” will meet in the cafe­te­ria im­me­di­ate­ly fol­low­ing ad­vi­so­ry.

–East Side Com­mu­ni­ty High School

As It Clear­ly States in Joss Whe­do­n’s Ver­sion Of the Bible

Pro­fes­sor: Does any­one know where the term “Passover” comes from?
Stu­dent: It’s be­cause the Jews put blood on their doors so Je­sus would pass over their house and not kill the first-born son.

–Class­room, Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: dun­dun

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Mold­ing Young Minds

Eng­lish teacher: Class, I’d like you to re­mem­ber where the line is. It is al­ways mov­ing, and it is de­ter­mined by me.

–Bronx Sci­ence

Over­heard by: HJWC

Eng­lish teacher: I rose up in­to the air and flew out the win­dow… You did­n’t no­tice this?

–Hunter Col­lege High

Over­heard by: stu­pid eng­lish stu­dent

Old teacher: Okay, there are three rules in this class­room, and I am com­plete­ly se­ri­ous. Num­ber one, no swear­ing. Num­ber two, no scuf­fles. Num­ber three, no sex un­til 3:20 when you can do what you want.

–Grace Church School

Teacher: I’m a huge fan of bath­room stall graf­fi­ti! My fa­vorite from this school is in the third floor bath­room: ‘If you can read this, you are poop­ing.’

–Bard High School Ear­ly Col­lege

Teacher to an­oth­er: You are a he­m­or­rhoid in my ass.

–Brook­lyn Tech

Over­heard by: Julie

Health teacher: Drug abuse is a symp­tom of sui­cide.

–Hunter Col­lege High

Eng­lish teacher: The next scene is about sex, so pay at­ten­tion. You might learn some­thing.

–Brook­lyn Tech

Over­heard by: Julie

Wednes­day One-Lin­er: The Mu­si­cal

Girl to class: I love clas­si­cal mu­sic! I lis­ten to the Bam­bi sound­track all the time!

–Cur­tis High School, Stat­en Is­land

Guy in lob­by, at in­ter­mis­sion: Hands down, the best band I’ve ever seen in con­cert… Hootie and the Blow­fish.

–Jazz at Lin­coln Cen­ter

Guy on cell: I guess they’re mu­si­cians. They put bitch­es ahead of prac­tice.

–79th St b/w York & 1st

Over­heard by: Queixa

Gay man to an­oth­er, walk­ing out of a bank: I mean, if you lis­ten to like, one Sade song every six years, it’s okay.

–15th St & 8th Ave

Les­bian: Fuck her! All she wants to do is stay home and sit in the kitchen and drink beer and lis­ten to Melis­sa Etheridge! Fuck her! She can take a cab home!

–Stat­en Is­land

Over­heard by: Ka­teri

Straight girl with a seat at the pi­ano: No, I’ve nev­er been here be­fore, but I’m ac­tu­al­ly hav­ing a good time. I mean, I don’t know most of these songs, but ear­li­er he was play­ing The Sound of Mu­sic, and I was rock­ing out to that.

–Marie’s Cri­sis Pi­ano Bar

Over­heard by: Dun­can Pflaster

Crazy old cat la­dy to guy who just shut off ob­nox­ious­ly loud mu­sic in next lane: Why’d you shut it off? I liked that song!

–Marathon Park­way & North­ern Boule­vard

Watch­ing Or­gan­ic and In­or­gan­ic Chemists Dance-Fight Like the Sharks and the Jets

Pro­fes­sor, rolling up a black­board to re­veal a sec­ond black­board that is cov­ered in gen­er­al chem­istry: Oh god! Oh god…get it off! Ew!
(class laughs)
Pro­fes­sor: No, not the ide­al gas law! We don’t need that, we’re or­gan­ic chemists! There is no such thing as gas! No such thing as gas!
Stu­dent #1: Or­gan­ic chemists are very sen­si­tive.
Stu­dent #2: This is kind of trag­ic.

–Or­gan­ic Chem Class, Barnard

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Scar­lett Jo­hansson’s Wear­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers This Sea­son

(Asian tourist walks on­to sub­way with large pan­da-head shaped hat)
Ran­dom guy: Take off that sil­ly ass hat!

–Up­town 1 Train

Guy: When I wear my oth­er coat, I look like a yak.

–Mott St

Over­heard by: robin

Thug to friend: I to­tal­ly know fash­ion de­sign­ers. I know who Hill-fin­ger is.

–Thomp­son Street, So­Ho

Drunk guy to or­tho­dox Jew: Nice lid.

–Near Her­ald Square

Guy walk­ing out of sub­way: Then she came in and told me to put the mask on.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Sarah

His­to­ry teacher to class: Now, if you want a de­cent straw hat, do not make one.

–Mil­len­ni­um High School

Over­heard by: Adri­ana

Just a Lit­tle Bit Of Wednes­day One-Lin­er Re­peat­ing

Moth­er to child in front of dio­ra­ma of pil­grims and Na­tive Amer­i­cans: Well, that’s be­cause the In­di­ans nev­er met re­al peo­ple be­fore.

–Mu­se­um of Nat­ur­al His­to­ry

Over­heard by: Pe­ter R.

Young girl, ar­riv­ing through train tun­nel at Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion: I won­der if Har­ri­et Tub­man is down here.

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Air­head: I think like… Colo­nial­iza­tion is like… The um­brel­la theme of, like… Diplo­ma­cy.

–Pommes Frites

His­to­ry teacher, about An­drew Jack­son: He tight, he kill mad peo­ple, he bug­gin’.

–High School

Teacher, dis­cussing Thomas Jef­fer­son­’s mis­tress: You see, guys? His­to­ry is ex­cit­ing! It’s full of sex!

–High School, Low­er Man­hat­tan

Over­heard by: SzN31