Archive for the ‘Cleanliness’ Category

It’s Even Hard for Grownups to Grasp

Obese black woman, ex­plain­ing 9/11 to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: We talk about this every day, hon­ey. The end­ing’s not gonna change.
Daugh­ter: They put up the flag up af­ter? Did­n’t it get dirty?
Obese black woman: Well, they kin­da had more im­por­tant things to deal with. They did­n’t have a wash­ing ma­chine there.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jon A.

Non-Re­cy­clable Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Con­duc­tor: Please throw away your news­pa­pers and garbage in the trash cans on sta­tion plat­forms and know that the trash cans can on­ly hold two hu­man bod­ies at a time.

–LIRR

New York Post guy: New York Post! Free New York Post! (hands huge stack of pa­pers to passer­by) Thanks, broth­er. Just throw the rest in the trash can down the block.

–40th & 6th

Car­riage dri­ver to horse: You see that chest­nut? That’s called “Eu­ro­trash.”

–Cen­tral Park South

Over­heard by: Andy

Gi­ant old man to scream­ing and jump­ing chil­dren: You look like Garbage Pail Kids. Stop it.

–Madi­son & Nos­trand, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: g

Con­duc­tor: Please place any­one who has be­come garbage en route in the ap­pro­pri­ate re­cep­ta­cle.

–R Train

Over­heard by: Jess

Woman walk­ing down the street with a small bag of garbage: Fuck it. (drops bag of garbage non­cha­lant­ly, keeps walk­ing)

–W 19th

She Got Eight Vol­un­peers

Girl #1: Ew, you’re hold­ing on to the bar?
Girl #2: Yeah, I’m hold­ing on to the bar. If I don’t I’ll fall over.
Girl #1: Ew. That is so gross. That’s like the one thing that gross­es me out more than any­thing.
Girl #2: It’s just a bar.
Girl #1: No, you don’t un­der­stand. I would rather have some­one pee on my face than touch that thing.

–N train

Wednes­day Go-Down-On-Lin­ers

Whole­some-look­ing man, walk­ing with sev­er­al fam­i­lies with kids and car­ry­ing a cross: Je­sus Christ died for our sins to­day so that we can all give blowjobs when­ev­er we want!

–Union Square

Girl with food: Do you think I’ll get on the Jum­boTron if I deep throat this pick­le?

–MSG: Rangers — Caps Play­off Game

40-some­thing, dur­ing high school re­union: How dare you tell my hus­band I gave you a blowjob? I was a vir­gin in high school!

–Out­side Jake’s Dillem­ma

Women on cell: I told him, if he did­n’t start sham­poo­ing his pubes I would stop blow­ing him!

–14th St & 9th Ave

Mid­dle-aged Ro­man­ian: I heard he gives bet­ter BJs than San­ta Claus!

–As­to­ria

Over­heard by: Crazy Ro­ma­ni­ans