Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category

Wednesday Puts Its One-Liners on One Leg at a Time

Guy on cell: In a wig, with his pants down, watching her from his car.

–33rd St, Astoria

Overheard by: Ferna

Teen to another: Barack Obama said, “pull your pants up!”

–Broadway & 72nd St

NYU girl: I wanna do it, and I wanna do it in my pants box.

–Weinstein Hall, NYU

Border’s employee to man sleeping in chair: Sir, could you please wake up? …and also zip up your pants.

–Borders

Guy on phone: Well, I guess I thought you might be kind of gay after you invited me to that “no pants” party.

–Astoria

I Know My Job, and Helping You Ain’t It

Black lady: Where do I submit this form?
Desk clerk: Are you petitioning for child support violation?
Black lady: No! Who do I give this to?!
Desk clerk: Are you petitioning for alimony or other support?
Black lady: No! Now, who the hell do I give this form to?
Desk clerk: Lady, if you’re not petitioning for anything then you don’t submit your form to nobody.

–Family Court, 330 Jay St

Overheard by: Sophia

Use a Wednesday, So You Don’t Get One-Linered Up

Man helping woman carry stroller down stairs: If you had taken the bloody pill when you said you were taking it, we wouldn’t be in this mess in the first place.

–Broadway-Lafayette B/D/F/V Station

Overheard by: Jon A.

Man walking with girlfriend, loudly: Wait, did you bring your diaphragm?

–Times Square

Loud woman on cell: How many times do you have to have sex, and have a baby, before you realize: “If I have sex without a condom I will get someone pregnant.”? Seriously!

–Broadway & 103rd St

Overheard by: Amy

Guy on phone: I always tell people that sex with you with a condom is better than sex with other girls without a condom.

–Outside Trader Joe’s, 14th St

Zoo guide: This zoo likes to be careful with breeding animals by taking into account genes and the like. But then again, Zippy–the baby snow monkey–came along. So be careful with your birth control.

–Central Park Zoo, by the Snow Monkeys

Girl to another: I just don’t see why we can’t make our own condoms.

–14th St & 4th Ave

It’s Like Nazi, But for Women and Gays

Saleslady: Hi, miss, can I help you?
Woman: No, that’s okay, I have my daughter with me.
Saleslady: Are you sure you dont need any help?
Woman: Yes, I am sure. My daughter is quite the fashionada. She gives me the best opinions.
Saleslady, to another saleslady: What’s a fashionada? New Yorkers have their own language or something.

–Barney’s

Overheard by: ash sauer 

Cause If I Don’t Make Quota This Month, the Yakuza Will Have My Thumbs

Overeager sales associate: Welcome to American Eagle! Can I help you find anything?
Guy: No thanks, just looking.
Overeager sales associate: Hey, you know what would really look good on you?
Guy: What?
Overeager sales associate: Jeans!
Guy: Uh… I guess I like jeans.
Overeager sales associate: That’s music to my ears!

–American Eagle, Union Square

Overheard by: doubeldee

GOD BLESS AMERICA

Chick: Ugh! These aren’t even cold! I can’t believe this! Who’s the manager? I said, who’s the manager? Well, where is he?
Deli guy: Uh, over there.
Chick: Look! Look at these drinks! How do you expect me to drink these? They aren’t even cold!
Manager guy: We just put them in there.
Chick: I don’t care! I want a cold drink now!
Manager guy: I’m sorry you’re upset but it’s very hot today and we’re selling drinks faster than we can restock them.
Chick: I don’t care! I expect you to find me something cold to drink!

–Marche Madison, 74th & Madison

Overheard by: sarahg

Chick on cell: So, when are you going to watch the fireworks? Like, in the evening? 

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Andy Travis