Salad guy: I have bleu cheese and goat cheese, too.
Customer: What’s bleu cheese?
Salad guy: It’s a sad cheese.
–Hale & Hearty Soup
Archive for the ‘Clerks’ Category
Are You Fucking With Me, Ma’am?
Animated blonde salesgirl: If you get the apple pomegranate body butter…
Weary brunette: I only see the display.
Animated blonde salesgirl: We have more in the back. Okay, well, if you get two or more products from the bath line, like this and our shower gel, you get a free bathtub!
Weary brunette: Huh?
(animated blonde salesgirl points to a little plastic bathtub)
Weary brunette: That’s… tiny. Like, I love the scent but I’m afraid I don’t have any kittens or fetuses to bathe in that tiny tiny tub.
–Sephora, Times Square
Says the Woman Who Chooses to Live in Omaha?
Older tourist woman to NBC tour guide: So, we are going to see the rock at the top?
Guide: It’s called “the top of the rock.“
Woman: Well, that doesn’t make any sense?
–30 Rockefeller Plaza
Overheard by: Michael
Having Strangers Discipline Your Kids Is Mmm Mmm Good
Screaming child: I want a new hat!
Latino nanny: Calm down before I turn you into soup!
–Madison Ave & 81st St
Wasn’t That a Cherry Poppin’ Daddies Song?
Bodega guy to old Dominican guy: What’s up, sister?
Old Dominican guy: I got your sister swinging!
–Throop & Vernon
Overheard by: johnny
And That’s Why We Have the Rule
Little girl: Can I have a job here?
Clerk: How old are you?
Little girl: Nine.
Clerk: Well, you have to be at least 14 to work at the library.
Little girl: Oh, yeah? Well, you have a big head!
–Queens Library
Guess That Also Explains Why You’re So Fashionably Thin!
Woman with crew cut to salesman: Excuse me, my husband’s glow necklace is leaking–may I exchange it?
(glow necklace salesman hands her a new one)
Salesman: And that’s a lovely haircut you have!
Woman, not amused: I’m going through cancer.
–Prospect Park
How Many Weight Watchers Points Are in a Wednesday One-Liner?
Young man: You’re fat because you need to release. Look at me, that’s why I’m slim and sexy. I beat off every day.
–Prospect Heights, Brooklyn
Salesgirl to salesgirl friend: I wanna thank you for taking the time to repeatedly hit me in my arm fat and make it jiggle.
–Henri Bendel
Overheard by: Stephan Dion
Professor to class of girls: You guys are all thin (looks around classroom and notices there are some fat girls) …mostly.
–Fashion Institute of Technology
Suit to another: All I’m trying to say is, she’s not tall enough for her weight.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: ednapontellier
Black girl: Fat people can do splits because they have no bones.
–Pizza Place, St. Mark’s Place
Five-year-old to very overweight man while waiting for Thanksgiving Day parade: Are you one of the balloons?
–Broadway & 50th St
Overheard by: Peter
I Can’t Keep Up with You Crunchy Hippies
Customer: Excuse me, do you know where the croutons are?
Whole Foods maintenance guy: Croutons? That some kind of vegetable or something?
–Whole Foods, Houston St
What Passes for Exceptional Customer Service in This Town
Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.
–Bagel Deli
Overheard by: Amanda
