Latino thug #1: It was so awkward–he couldn’t hit the high notes.
Latino thug #2: That kid wore the same blue tee for a whole year!
Latino thug #3: Your shirt looks like a Christmas wrapping.
–F Train
Overheard by: Katface
Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category
But aren’t they the same anyway?
Man in a full-length fur coat: “I’m a socialist monarchist. I believe in helping the people, but the people can’t help themselves.”
– W 83rd Post Office
Though Some Of the Trimmings Come from Saturn
Man, after looking around store: Where do you get most of your clothes from?
Crazy store owner with face paint on: The moon.
Man: Wait, where?
Crazy store owner with face paint on: Mostly from the moon.
–Clothes Store
That’s Not Really By Choice, Fattie
Girl #1: Oh, look! Those clothes are cute. Let’s go look over there.
Girl #2: Those are maternity clothes.
Girl #1: Oh my God, no way!
Girl #2: Yes, see? It says “A Pea in the Pod Maternity Clothes”.
Girl #1: Oh wow, I had no idea!
Girl #2: Yeah, they are.
Girl #1: Well! There isn’t going to be a pea in this pod any time soon, I can tell you that!
–Macy’s
Wednesday Undie-Liners
Guy: Oh, man! It is not a good day to be my underwear!
–Wine Store, 75th & Amsterdam
Overheard by: Raven
10-year-old to little brother: Hey! C’mere! You wanna play Captain Underpants?
–Brooklyn
Overheard by: dogboy
Guy on cell: I’m not paying her to smell your underwear!
–57th St & Broadway
Overheard by: Lagsalot
Loud older gentleman watching people at subway entrance: They don’t wear brassieres anymore!
–23rd St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: Zombie Boyfriend
Older lady in funeral procession behind bag piper wearing kilt: I looked. He’s wearing underpants.
–120th & Broadway
That’s Almost As Good As Saving the Whales
Greenpeace guy: I know you care!
Cute NYU girl (apathetically): Ehhhhh…
Greenpeace guy: You have ideals!
Cute NYU girl (even more apathetically): Ehhhh…
(Greenpeace guy looks downfallen)
Cute NYU girl (still walking): I like…your mittens.
–14th St b/w 3rd & 4th
Overheard by: not an idealist
Wednesday One-Liners are Part of New York City… Technically
Hipster girl: ‘Flushing Queens’ would be a great name for a man.
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Beautiful Barnard Woman
Drunk dude watching girl rip the shirt off a guy: What, no blood? Queens is lame.
–Shea Stadium
Boyfriend to girlfriend: Prepare to be blown away by the majesty of Queens!
–E train platform, Penn Station
Conductor: This is a Queens-bound A train.
–Brooklyn-bound A train
Overheard by: Maggie
Conductor: This is a Queens-bound… No, Manhattan-bound… No, Queens… Wait, hang on. This is a Manhattan-bound E train. Next stop: 53rd and Lex… Shit.
–Manhattan-bound E train, 53rd & Lex
Announcement over the subway: This is not the Queens-bound E train. [Half the train empties] This is the Queens-bound E train.
–E train, Penn Station
Nothing to Compete With That
Girl #1: What did you do last night?
Girl #2: Wandered around Goldman Sachs with a Sesame Street pillow. You?
Girl #1: Um…
–Tom’s Diner, Morningside Heights
Overheard by: Ladle
Yup. I Could Tell from That Nauseated Look on Your Face.
Woman #1 in elevator: Why aren’t you wearing a jacket? You’re going to be freezing!
Woman #2: I don’t need one. It’s because I’m fat.
Woman #1: (silence)
Woman #2: You know it’s true. You’re not saying anything because you know I’m fat. Most people would say, “No, no, no. You’re not fat!” but you’re not saying that because you think I’m fat. Think about it.
Woman #1: I’m thinking about it.
–39th St
Ssshhh! DSS Is Listening.
Mother: Honey, put on your shirt. This is a shirt and shoes kind of place.
Small boy: But you let me at home!
–Brooklyn Botanical Garden
Overheard by: Jonathan K.
