Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category

Which Is My De­fault An­swer for All Is­sues In­volv­ing Men

50-some­thing woman to cowork­er at Burg­er King: And he said, “Why you al­ways com­ing in here, dressed up like you’re at the beach? What is that?” And I was like, “Yeah, please, put me on a re­al beach, in like Do­mini­can Re­pub­lic or some­thing.“
Cowork­er: He prob­a­bly just want­ed to see you in your biki­ni.

–La­Guardia Air­port

Over­heard by: … But I know I would­n’t

I See Lon­don, I See France, I See Wednes­day’s One-Lin­ers!

Blonde: So, I woke up and Jes­si­ca’s un­der­wear was still on my head…

–P.S. 1, Queens

Drunk dude on cell: I want to take the blue panties you left at my place and wear them on my face! … I said I want to wear your blue panties on my face!

–Grand Cen­tral

Chick on cell: I do have un­der­wear in my purse in case I need it.

–113th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: La­dle

La­dy to son: Well, it is nev­er ap­pro­pri­ate to ask a woman about her un­der­gar­ments.

–20th & 8th

Hoochie: He of­fered me 10 dol­lars for my un­der­wear, but I would­n’t do it.

–St. Mark’s & 1st

Over­heard by: Ni­na

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are One Baaaad Moth­er– Shut Yo’ Mouth!

Cute JAP talk­ing about all the stuff she gets: I don’t need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Over­heard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Lis­ten, John. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom. Fif­teen min­utes, your mom.

–R Train

An­noy­ing 40-some­thing new mom: A good mom al­ways has a di­a­per in her pock­et!

–Barnes & No­ble, 18th & 5th

Over­heard by: I Am McLovey

Cowork­er: I got a boot­leg moth­er.

–Mid­town

Win­dow-shop­ping tourist to wife: Look, hon­ey! It’s the dress your moth­er wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Over­heard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Moth­er’s Day and she yells at me for not call­ing her for Moth­er’s Day like my broth­er did. So I go out­side and call her from my cell and say “hap­py Moth­er’s Day!” and she yells at me for be­ing an id­iot.

–37th & 7th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Cele­bre­tards

Young black guy to an­oth­er: You know, Oba­ma is to pol­i­tics what Richard Sim­mons is to ex­er­cise.

–PATH Train

Guy stand­ing out­side bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Cole­man?” and I’m like, “No, not like fuck­ing Gary Cole­man!”

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green on­ly had one tes­ti­cle. It’s to­tal­ly fine.

–E 11th St

Over­heard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabr­era”!

–Bed­ford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Bor­ders, Wall St

Over­heard by: step

Guy (af­ter tak­ing pic­ture with Je­re­my Piv­en): Damn! I can’t put this on My­Space. I’m wear­ing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Out­side Bar­ry­more The­atre

Over­heard by: Pasta…Salad