Guy: This sweater is huge!
Girl: Get fat.
Salesguy: Ha, ha! Wow, I needed that.
–Bloomingdale’s, 59th & 3rd
Archive for the ‘Clothing’ Category
Have You Forgetten Isadora Duncan?
Swarthy clerk to pretty girl: Why do you wear that scarf like that?
Pretty girl: Because it’s pretty.
Swarthy clerk, smiling: Won’t be so pretty when someone strangles you with it.
–167th St
And Today It’s Me
Man in full clown uniform: Come on, sweetie.
Lady friend in nice skirt, blouse, and heels: God, this is so awkward.
Man in full clown uniform: Look, I have to work hard so that at least one of us looks good.
–79th & Broadway
Overheard by: tickled passerbyer
Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family
Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.
–Columbia University
Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!
–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Kayla K
Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
…But Won’t Your Grandma Be Wearing the Same Thing?
College girl: I have nothing to wear to the party tonight.
College guy: You could wear that thing you wore last night.
College girl: I can’t do that! Plus, it’s a theme party.
College guy: Well, you could wear that naked thing…?
College girl: Do you think I could get away with that?
College guy: Well, it’s lace, so it’s sort of Victorian.
–6 Train
Overheard by: sort of…
From the Whitney Houston Collection
Queer eye: Lindsay Lohan wore this dress on the cover of Teen Vogue; ever since then, it’s been like…crack cocaine.
–Marc Jacobs, Bleecker Street
Overheard by: Mat Triebner
“…or give him the back door. Then he’ll forgive anything.”
Girl #1: I feel like shit. I shouldn’t have slept with that guy.
Girl #2: So what kind of sweater are we looking for?
Girl #1: Anything nice that proves how much I love him.
Girl #2: You should get him a white sweater. White is the color of remorse, I think.
Girl #1: But then he’ll understand I cheated on him. He might actually be suspicious already if I buy him a present without an apparent reason.
Girl #2: Just make him dinner then.
–Banana Republic, 5th Ave.
I Went to Church Disguised As My Own Mother
Guy #1: Yo, check out my new hat.
Guy #2: Pffff…shit man, I had a new hat yesterday.
–Grand St & Bushwick, Brooklyn
Kind of Like the Ocean
Good looking Italian guy, chatting: I was changing the oil on my car. I figure it’s going to shoot out so I put the pail like a foot away. I turned the knob and…whush…all over me…my clothes.
Chubby friend: Good thing you didn’t get it in your mouth.
Italian guy: It doesn’t taste that bad.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Sibyl
Can We Just Agree That Suits Are a Bad Idea in the Summer?
20-something suit #1: No undershirt?
20-something suit #2: The undershirt will just make me hotter.
20-something suit #1: Dude, you should wear an undershirt so you don’t sweat like a fat ho at the Ponderosa.
–Columbus Circle
