Archive for the ‘Cocaine Diet’ Category

What You Get for Talk­ing to Strangers

Coke­head: Hey bud­dy, you got a cig­a­rette?
Brit tourist: Yeah, man. Here.
Coke­head: Hey, smell my face.
Brit tourist: Why?
Coke­head: Just smell it, go on! (sticks chin out and push­es face to Brit’s nose)
Brit tourist: No way man, why?
Coke head: Please.
(Brit tourist smells his face)
Brit tourist: What is that?
Coke­head: That’s the smell of a thou­sand-dol­lar hook­er’s pussy.

–42nd & 3rd

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Walkin’ in a Win­ter Won­der­land

Woman: One time this guy punched me…but it was al­right, cause I was on coke.

–2 Train

Over­heard by: Lau­ra Gross­man

Fe­male hip­ster on cell: I’m coked up and all alone, Har­vey, how do you ex­pect me to feel?

–Hum­boldt & Ainslie, Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Joseph Her­nan­dez

Girl on cell: I haven’t done coke in like a week. It’s been a rough week.

–Up­per East Side

Hot 20-some­thing tourist girl to friend: Pfft, the Meat­pack­ing Dis­trict. That’s false advertising…I got no meat packed in me last night. All I did was steal that bag of co­caine from those guys.

–Broad­way & Woost­er

Over­heard by: Classy­Gal

Fe­male 20-some­thing on phone: Yeah, he re­al­ized it was too late when he could­n’t tell the dif­fer­ence be­tween the piles of sug­ar, the piles of flour, and the piles of co­caine.

–Cen­tral Park

Cor­rec­tion: It Was in the 80’s

Coked-out hip­ster girl­friend, loud­ly: And that’s why I could nev­er wake up for Pi­lates.
Hip­ster boyfriend: Ju­lia. Turn the voice down. Peo­ple are look­ing.
Coked-out hip­ster girl­friend: Well, I can’t help the way my voice projects. I used to be an ac­tress.
Hip­ster boyfriend: No, you did­n’t.
Coked-out hip­ster girl­friend: Well, I’m a mod­el.
Hip­ster boyfriend: No, you’re not.
Coked-out hip­ster girl­friend: I’m kind of a drug deal­er.
Hip­ster boyfriend: Yeah. Which is so gay.

–Williams­burg Bridge

We’ll Al­ways Have Paris

Teen girl #1: So yeah, like…Paris Hilton to­tal­ly got kicked out of our school for do­ing coke too!
Teen girl #2: Paris Hilton went to our school?!
Teen girl #1: Bitch, this is­n’t about Paris… All I can say is: How cool is it that I got kicked out of the same school as Paris Hilton did, for the same rea­son?
Teen girl #2: Wait, you got kicked out?
Teen girl #1: Why the fuck do you think I’m not in class any­more?
Teen girl #2: Every­one thought you were preg­nant again.

–Park Bench, 89 & CPW

Be­cause a Nose Ring Is­n’t Worth Go­ing off My Di­et

Ran­dom chick: You guys wait­ing in line?
Fresh­man girl: Yeah, I’m get­ting my nose pierced.
Ran­dom chick: Oh, nice… My friend just got hers done. It’s not sup­posed to be that bad.
Fresh­man girl: Do you know if it gets in the way of blow­ing lines?
Ran­dom chick, tak­en aback: Uh­hh… Well, I guess you al­ways have an­oth­er nos­tril…

–St. Mark’s

Over­heard by: face