Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category

Jus­ti­fi­ably In­dig­nant?

White male cus­tomer: I want a small black cof­fee.
East In­di­an fe­male cashier: Do you want cream and sug­ar in that?
White male cus­tomer: No, I want it black.
East In­di­an fe­male cashier: Black?
White male cus­tomer, point­ing at pic­ture of black man in ad on the wall: Yes, black! I want it to look like that guy!

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 53rd & Lex

Over­heard by: next in line

Why Tho­razine Is Con­traindi­cat­ed for Ser­vice Em­ploy­ees

Yan­kee fan: Yeah, I’ll have a grilled chick­en sand­wich and a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: Crispy chick­en sand­wich?
Yan­kee fan: No, grilled, sor­ry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: And you want­ed a Di­et Coke?
Yan­kee fan: No, a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Cashier: Oh.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Rachel W.

Re­mem­ber That Whole Strike Thing?

Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I wait­ed an hour for you to show up! Were you on a cof­fee break or what?
Bus dri­ver: Sir, that’s not pos­si­ble, the lead bus was on­ly ten min­utes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the de­pot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the re­al ter­ror­ists! You’re what Home­land Se­cu­ri­ty is try­ing to pro­tect us against!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry Ter­mi­nal, Stat­en Is­land

They’ve Got Their ‘Good Barista / Bad Barista’ Act Down to a Sci­ence

For­eign­er: Ex­cusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 hold­ing steamed milk: No. You or­dered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
For­eign­er, hold­ing drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Or­der a fuckin’ lat­te, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour your­self some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!

Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the cus­tomer some milk.

Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valen­tine’s Day — don’t you get emo­tion­al. It’s some oth­er hol­i­day. Hell, it’s Christ­mas. [To cus­tomer] Here you go, sir! Mer­ry Christ­mas!

–Star­bucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave

“I Said Cof­fee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was try­ing to be so nice to her, but this woman was just hor­ri­ble.
Cashier #2: What hap­pened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she want­ed a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smil­ing and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Ital­ian.”

–Star­bucks, As­tor Place

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Like Their Women Like They Like Their Cof­fee: Hot, and with a Spoon in Them.

Hip­ster on cell: Dude, yeah, cof­fee gives me the shits too; but I’d rather have the shits than no cof­fee.

–Dunkin’ Donuts

Over­heard by: Mada­lyn

Po­et, sell­ing self-pub­lished book on train: We’re like Star­bucks cof­fee and bis­cot­ti; you’re tall and hot and I’m hard and nut­ty.

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Marc

Lit­tle girl to moth­er: It’s like every sin­gle per­son in the whole wide world came to Star­bucks and we were the veeeer­rrrryyy last ones.

–Star­bucks

Colonel Sanders-look­ing man, in strong South­ern ac­cent: I want some­thin cold… Whadya git?

–Star­bucks