Guy: I will have a coffee.
Waitress: We don’t have anything hot.
Guy: Then an iced coffee, please?
–New York Comedy Club, East 24th Street
Overheard by: Eric Kuhn
Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category
While You’re Still Paying for All That Unprotected Sex
Brunette sister: Ally did turn into a slut in college!
Blonde sister: She’s our sister!
Brunette sister: She’s getting more than we did in college! Although I got more than you.
Blonde sister: Yeah, probably. I’m paying for the lattes.
–Starbucks, Bryant Park
The Giulianification of Times Square Continues
Woman: Um, excuse me but there’s no sugar at either station.
Barista girl: There’s no sugar. We ran out.
Woman: None?
Barista girl: No, they ain’t got any on 42nd either.
–Starbucks, 43rd & 8th
We’ve Given Up All Attachment to Outcomes
20-something: Can I get an eggnog steamer cut with skim? Is that possible?
Barista: Ma’am, anything’s possible. Next!
–Starbucks, Times Square
Are You Now, or Have You Ever Been, a Member Of the Communist Party?
20-something woman: Do you have decaffeinated tea?
Waitress: Yes.
20-something woman: Does it have caffeine in it?
Waitress: No?
–86th & York
Overheard by: Silently Amused
Justifiably Indignant?
White male customer: I want a small black coffee.
East Indian female cashier: Do you want cream and sugar in that?
White male customer: No, I want it black.
East Indian female cashier: Black?
White male customer, pointing at picture of black man in ad on the wall: Yes, black! I want it to look like that guy!
–Dunkin’ Donuts, 53rd & Lex
Overheard by: next in line
Why Thorazine Is Contraindicated for Service Employees
Yankee fan: Yeah, I’ll have a grilled chicken sandwich and a vanilla iced coffee.
Apathetic cashier: Crispy chicken sandwich?
Yankee fan: No, grilled, sorry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Apathetic cashier: And you wanted a Diet Coke?
Yankee fan: No, a vanilla iced coffee.
Cashier: Oh.
–McDonald’s, Yankee Stadium
Overheard by: Rachel W.
Remember That Whole Strike Thing?
Guy: God damn it! Where were you? I waited an hour for you to show up! Were you on a coffee break or what?
Bus driver: Sir, that’s not possible, the lead bus was only ten minutes ahead of me. I watched him pull out of the depot.
Guy: Screw you! You guys are the real terrorists! You’re what Homeland Security is trying to protect us against!
–Staten Island Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
They’ve Got Their ‘Good Barista / Bad Barista’ Act Down to a Science
Foreigner: Excusa me, sir, I get the milk, yes?
Barista #1 holding steamed milk: No. You ordered a Doppio. You don’t get no milk in a Doppio.
Foreigner, holding drink out to Barista #1: But the milk?
Barista #1, cradling milk: No! You don’t get no fuckin’ milk! Order a fuckin’ latte, and then I’ll give you some of this milk! You can pour yourself some of that stale shit from over there, but you don’t get none of this milk!
Barista #2 grabs cup and pours the customer some milk.
Barista #2 to Barista #1: Shit, this ain’t Valentine’s Day — don’t you get emotional. It’s some other holiday. Hell, it’s Christmas. [To customer] Here you go, sir! Merry Christmas!
–Starbucks, St. Marks & 3rd Ave
Well, Are You Using a Java Jacket?
NYU girl #1: Drinking Starbucks does not make you skip your period.
NYU girl #2: It totally does!
–Starbucks
