Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category

“I Said Coffee!”

Cashier #1: I felt so bad. She was trying to be so nice to her, but this woman was just horrible.
Cashier #2: What happened?
Cashier #1: She asked her if she wanted a vente mocha frappacino–she was even smiling and stuff when she asked–and then the woman got all mad and said, “Look it, I don’t speak Italian.”

–Starbucks, Astor Place

Wednesday One-Liners Like Their Women Like They Like Their Coffee: Hot, and with a Spoon in Them.

Hipster on cell: Dude, yeah, coffee gives me the shits too; but I'd rather have the shits than no coffee.

–Dunkin' Donuts

Overheard by: Madalyn

Poet, selling self-published book on train: We're like Starbucks coffee and biscotti; you're tall and hot and I'm hard and nutty.

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Marc

Little girl to mother: It's like every single person in the whole wide world came to Starbucks and we were the veeeerrrrryyy last ones.

–Starbucks

Colonel Sanders-looking man, in strong Southern accent: I want somethin cold… Whadya git?

–Starbucks

Like Everybody Who Works for a Living

Guy: You ever try Kopi Luwak?
Girl: No, who is he?
Guy: It’s not a he, it’s the world’s most expensive coffee.
Girl: That’s not the coffee that’s made from cat shit, is it?
Guy: It’s not made from cat shit.
Girl: They pick the beans out of the cat shit.
Guy: Sort of.
Girl: So that posers like you can drink it.
Guy: You don’t understand the concept of gourmet.
Girl: Maybe not, but I understand the concept of eating shit.

–Starbucks, Court St, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Big Larry

Got any Doritos?

Barista girl: Here’s your cappuccino.
Customer girl: I asked for a cafe au lait.
Barista girl: No, you said ‘cappuccino.’
Costumer girl: No, I said ‘cafe au lait’
Barista girl: Oh, You’re right. I’m probably just out of it.
Barista girl to coworker: I’m sorry, I’m high.

–Stanton & Ludlow

Overheard by: Aryn

Not Too Hot, Though

Customer, impatiently: Give me an iced coffee. And make it with steamed milk.
Shop assistant: Iced coffee? With steamed milk?
Customer: What, you can’t do that? Okay, okay — make it a regular coffee with steamed milk, then.

–Coffee shop, Bleecker St

Overheard by: Nic Oatridge

What's Eating Wednesday One-Liners?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just wanted you to know that I left my burrito in your fridge. Yeah, I'll come around next Tuesday to pick it up.

–South Street Seaport

Overheard by: Julium

Rotund old woman at lesbian hipster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it's flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coating. And please, a coffee with cream. Make it a nice tan color.

–Paradise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Overheard by: Sebastian White

Middle aged dad, yelling while crossing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But seriously, you give me good food, and there's a pretty good chance I'll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Overheard by: molly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spending the night at the Playboy mansion. And now I'm 35, and all I really want to do is eat barbecue.

–Hill Country BBQ

Overheard by: I'm just here for the ribs.

Wednesday One-Liners for Young, Urban Professionals

Female yuppie: As a general rule of thumb, I think I should refrain from going to the Hustler Club with my male boss and co-workers from now on.

–Downtown C train

Overheard by: amused passenger

Yuppie: It was the most intense Hava Nagilah I’d ever seen.

–43rd & Lex

Yuppie, examining the New York Public Library: Wow, that library is such a waste of real estate!

–42nd & 5th Avenue

Overheard by: Reader Rabbit

Emo Girl to friend: Oh I love Whole Foods, its like Wal-Mart for Yuppies.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: Addie Wagenknecht

Yuppie, to McDonald’s cashier: Do you have French vanilla capuccino?

–McDonald’s, 34th & 10th