Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category

Got any Dori­tos?

Barista girl: Here’s your cap­puc­ci­no.
Cus­tomer girl: I asked for a cafe au lait.
Barista girl: No, you said ‘cap­puc­ci­no.‘
Cos­tumer girl: No, I said ‘cafe au lait’
Barista girl: Oh, You’re right. I’m prob­a­bly just out of it.
Barista girl to cowork­er: I’m sor­ry, I’m high.

–Stan­ton & Lud­low

Over­heard by: Aryn

Not Too Hot, Though

Cus­tomer, im­pa­tient­ly: Give me an iced cof­fee. And make it with steamed milk.
Shop as­sis­tant: Iced cof­fee? With steamed milk?
Cus­tomer: What, you can’t do that? Okay, okay — make it a reg­u­lar cof­fee with steamed milk, then.

–Cof­fee shop, Bleeck­er St

Over­heard by: Nic Oa­tridge

What’s Eat­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers?

NYU guy on cell: Hey dude, I just want­ed you to know that I left my bur­ri­to in your fridge. Yeah, I’ll come around next Tues­day to pick it up.

–South Street Sea­port

Over­heard by: Juli­um

Ro­tund old woman at les­bian hip­ster cafe: Give me a sesame bagel, pound it down till it’s flat, then toast it till it has a nice rich brown coat­ing. And please, a cof­fee with cream. Make it a nice tan col­or.

–Par­adise Cafe, 8th & 17th

Over­heard by: Se­bas­t­ian White

Mid­dle aged dad, yelling while cross­ing street with sons: I will learn to make Pad Thai!

–Union Square

Girl on phone: But se­ri­ous­ly, you give me good food, and there’s a pret­ty good chance I’ll have a thing for you.

–Union Square Park

Over­heard by: mol­ly

Man: You know, when I was 25 all I thought about was spend­ing the night at the Play­boy man­sion. And now I’m 35, and all I re­al­ly want to do is eat bar­be­cue.

–Hill Coun­try BBQ

Over­heard by: I’m just here for the ribs.

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Young, Ur­ban Pro­fes­sion­als

Fe­male yup­pie: As a gen­er­al rule of thumb, I think I should re­frain from go­ing to the Hus­tler Club with my male boss and co-work­ers from now on.

–Down­town C train

Over­heard by: amused pas­sen­ger

Yup­pie: It was the most in­tense Ha­va Nag­i­lah I’d ever seen.

–43rd & Lex

Yup­pie, ex­am­in­ing the New York Pub­lic Li­brary: Wow, that li­brary is such a waste of re­al es­tate!

–42nd & 5th Av­enue

Over­heard by: Read­er Rab­bit

Emo Girl to friend: Oh I love Whole Foods, its like Wal-Mart for Yup­pies.

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Over­heard by: Ad­die Wa­genknecht

Yup­pie, to Mc­Don­ald’s cashier: Do you have French vanil­la ca­puc­ci­no?

–Mc­Don­ald’s, 34th & 10th

Per­haps We Could Dis­cuss Free Cof­fee…Wes­ley

Cof­fee ven­dor: That iced cof­fee will be eight dol­lars, and the straw will cost you fifty cents ex­tra, ha ha.
Cashier: Man, Joe, that cof­fee’s ex­pen­sive!
Cof­fee ven­dor: Why’d you got­ta say my name, man? What if my ba­by ma­ma came up in here look­ing for child sup­port and youse be sayin’ my name?!

–West­side Mar­ket

Sac­cha­rine Might Be Bet­ter for Her

Woman in leg­gings: What the fuck is this shit? You gonna hand me three moth­er­fuck­ing sug­ar pack­ets? Do you have any idea how big this cof­fee is?
Cashier: We don’t put sug­ar in your cof­fee. Sug­ar pack­ets are on the counter.
Woman in leg­gings: Lis­ten, my boyfriend’s a cop. And he owns, like, three Dunkin’ Donuts fran­chis­es. What do you mean you won’t put sug­ar in my fuckin’ cof­fee? I want to speak to the man­ag­er.
Man­ag­er: Ex­cuse me, but I heard you. There are sug­ar pack­ets on the counter. Take as many as you like.
Woman in leg­gings: You guys are to­tal ass­holes.

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 96th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Pro­cras­tY­Nate