Woman: Can I have a coffee?
Ice Cream Lady: You want coffee ice cream?
Woman: No, coffee.
Ice Cream Lady: Oh, we don’t sell coffee.
–Coldstone Ice Cream, Astor Place
Overheard by: Alayna
Archive for the ‘Coffee’ Category
Starvation Does Induce Trances
Girl: There’s a deli now.
Guy: They moved to Delhi?
Girl: No, there’s an Israeli deli there now, which tells you something about the scene.
Guy: I thought they moved to Delhi “where the trance scene is happening”.
–27th street office
What Arthur Got Was More of an Expectoresso
Customer: I’ll have a large espresso.
Barista: Coffee?
Customer: No, black tar heroin!
Barista: Right away, sir.
–Starbucks, Staten Island
Absence of Biscotti = Deprivation
Guy: You’re back on the poverty diet?
Girl: Well, I’ve had four lattes…
Guy: You’re totally on the poverty diet.
–Cafe Esperanto
Okay, So Why Would You Need Coffee?
Bum: Hey you got some money so I can get an iced cappuccino?
Concerned white man: Sorry man, I don’t have any more.
Bum: I’m too lazy to work, HAHAHAHAH. [crazy cackle]
–71st & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Donny
And a Large Trash Bag, If You Have Any
Crazy Italian man to cashier: Fucking asshole! Where’s my fucking money, fucking asshole?! You owe me money! She’s German!
Cashier: Who?
Crazy Italian man: The German whore owes me $10,000! You’ll be finding her body in the basement! That whore better watch out! I’m Italian and I know mafiosi from here to Beverly Hills! …I’ll have a coffee to go…
–Europan Cafe, Columbus Circle
Overheard by: ryan and erin
Disarming the Papaya Serfs Was Key
Man: Excuse me, do you have any regular forks? This fry fork is too small.
Hot dog guy: Sorry, sir, all we have are these cocktail forks. We don’t have any regular ones.
Hot dog girl: Yeah, they’re afraid we’d used the regular forks to stab each other.
–Papaya King, West 14th Street
Overheard by: Gozer the Gozarian
Testing How Many Iterations It’s “Good” For
Teen boy #1: …Well that one time, remember? I had the worst hangover and I got that frappuccino at Starbucks. That tasted just as good coming up as it did going down. Actually, it was delicious.
Teen boy #2: Ew…I kinda want one.
–Central Park
Wednesday One-Liners Belch Diesel Fumes
Excited bus driver: Next stop, 6th Avenue! Herald Square! Vicky’s secret! Something for everyone! Get off!! Get off!
–M16 Bus
Overheard by: nora!
Bus driver: Everyone who is exceedingly good-looking move to the back of the bus!
(people giggle but still not much room in front)
Bus driver: Well, it’s good to know you’re a modest bunch, but you gotta move back or I’m not moving this bus.
–Bus, Central Park West
Overheard by: passenger
Bus driver over sound system: Dis bus is out of service! Dis bus is out of service! People in da back get up, close the fucken back window, and leave!
–Bx9 Bus
Bus driver over intercom: Good morning, this is a friendly reminder that the holiday shopping season now begins the day after Halloween. Make sure to allot six hours extra travel time as the city gets rather hectic at this time.
–M23 Bus
Bus driver over intercom: Come on, move back, people. There’s coffee and jelly donuts in the back of the bus.
–Crosstown Bus, 57th St
Overheard by: Flexy
Bus driver (calmly): Move to the back of the bus. I heard there is mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. I got an e‑mail up here that says there is mad room in the back. Can someone quantify how much is “mad” for me? Mad room in the back of the bus. Mad room. Mad room!
–Crowded Q 55 Bus
Overheard by: Matt
Bus driver: This is the Q44 express going to Jamaica. We are traveling along Main Street, next stop is 41st Avenue. For those of you that don’t speak English: blah, blah, blah, blah…
–Bus, Flushing
Where to Begin?
Customer: Can I get a cafe au lait, please?
Dunkin’ Donuts store clerk, perplexed: Caf’ what?
–Dunkin’ Donuts, Park Place
