Archive for the ‘College’ Category

The Pit­ter-Pat­ter of Tiny Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just go­ing to stay home and make ba­bies.

–1 Train

Col­lege pro­fes­sor: Every­thing that is wrong in this world can be traced back to ba­bies.

–40th & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Just Try­ing to Smoke in Peace

Girl on phone: I’m go­ing to have to can­cel for a few dif­fer­ent rea­sons. First, the ba­by has­n’t got­ten all her shots. And more im­por­tant­ly, there’s some­thing peck­ing through my wall! I’m re­al­ly freaked out!

–Bleeck­er and Lafayette

Woman with three kids, af­ter watch­ing the el­dest push the mid­dle to the ground: What are you push­ing him down for? Are you try­ing to up­set my stom­ach so I lose this ba­by in­side me?

–St Marks Place, Stat­en Is­land

Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have ba­bies so much, why don’t she just be a … doc­tor!

–52nd & 7th

Pro­fes­sor: 42-year-old ba­bies don’t have bones.

–Sch­enec­tady Coun­ty Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

To­day, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my pe­ri­od this morn­ing, and I just wan­na get high.

–Bor­ough of Man­hat­tan Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Over­heard by: 447ght

Cus­tomer, buy­ing two packs of Ko­tex: Next time you or­der these, you should get the kind with de­odor­ant. It re­al­ly makes a dif­fer­ence!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: al­lie

Girl #1: I once made a Na­tiv­i­ty from fem­i­nine prod­ucts. (awk­ward si­lence) They weren’t used, though…

–Barnard

Over­heard by: Brook­lyn

News­Flash: Art Stu­dent Slut­ty. Film at 11

Guy: Stop star­ing at me.
Girl: I’m not star­ing at you. What, I’m not al­lowed to look at you now?
Guy: Not like that. You have bed­room eyes.
Girl: Bed­room eyes? I don’t have bed­room eyes. That’s the way I nor­mal­ly look, you know that.
Guy: Yeah, be­cause you’re every­one’s girl.
Girl: Shut up, no I’m not! What­ev­er, at least I get laid.

–El­e­va­tor, Pratt In­sti­tute

Over­heard by: that girl

Ego & Hubris & Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Drunk girl: Some­times, when I look at my­self through the mi­cro­scope of cold, hard ob­jec­tiv­i­ty, I think to my­self, “God, you are awe­some!”

–47th & 9th

Over­heard by: Nick Sal­va­to

Peo­ple From Up­state Love This

Cali girl #1: Where do you go again?
Cor­nell girl: Cor­nell.
Cali girl #2: Oh. Where is that?
Cali girl #1: Oh my god, don’t you know it’s in New York?
Cali girl #2: Umm no, you id­iot, we’re in New York and she said she just drove hours to get here.
Cali girl #1: Oh right..I think it’s in like.. the state that New York is in? New York state?
Cor­nell girl: Yeah. Itha­ca.
Cali girl #1: Right right! Mid­dle of nowhere, right? Shitha­ca!
Cor­nell girl: Umm.

–59th & 5th

Over­heard by: love cali girls

Right, in the Same Way That Cor­nell Is “Ivy League”

Slack­er #1: Yo, man, where you goin’ to col­lege?
Slack­er #2: Just a CUNY, man — Queens Col­lege.
Slack­er #1: Yo, man, is­n’t that a bor­ough? Is that Bor­ough Col­lege?
Slack­er #2: I’m not sure. Yeah, man, maybe. Man­hat­tan Col­lege would be ‘City col­lege,’ right?

–Brook­lyn Tech

Over­heard by: Ashamed to go to school with them