Guy #1: Yo, what’s the Louisiana Purchase?
Guy #2: You mad dumb, yo. That’s when they illegally sold all that alcohol.
–St. Francis College, Brooklyn Heights
Overheard by: Cypher
Archive for the ‘College’ Category
It’s a Cultural Thing
College student #1: You look tired, what have you been doing?
College student #2: I’ve just been jogging.
College student #1: Like that? Why do Chinese people always go jogging in jeans?
–Marshak Hall, City College
Overheard by: liselle boyett
Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”
Guy: …and he had, like, shark teeth! Three fucking rows of them! I swear.
–Fulton & Gold
Now, Just Sign this Confession, and We Can Get the Plea-Bargain Started
Ghetto guy #1: Where were you?
Ghetto guy #2: I had to go sign some autographs.
–Marillac Hall, St. John’s University
She Knows What “Wishful Thinking” Means
Girl #1: I despise books about political science.
Girl #2: I just despise books.
Girl #1: You know, if I paid attention in class, I would know what, like, half these words meant.
–Shakespeare & Co., 69th & Lexington
Wednesday One-liners Are All About Location
Mom: Don’t think of it as losing a friend…but as gaining a holiday destination.
–A train
Overheard by: Clacky
The Pitter-Patter of Tiny Wednesday One-Liners
Young boy: Fuck school! When I’m old enough, I’m just going to stay home and make babies.
–1 Train
College professor: Everything that is wrong in this world can be traced back to babies.
–40th & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Just Trying to Smoke in Peace
Girl on phone: I’m going to have to cancel for a few different reasons. First, the baby hasn’t gotten all her shots. And more importantly, there’s something pecking through my wall! I’m really freaked out!
–Bleecker and Lafayette
Woman with three kids, after watching the eldest push the middle to the ground: What are you pushing him down for? Are you trying to upset my stomach so I lose this baby inside me?
–St Marks Place, Staten Island
Girl on cell: Well if she likes to have babies so much, why don’t she just be a … doctor!
–52nd & 7th
Professor: 42-year-old babies don’t have bones.
–Schenectady County Community College
We So Had That Idea First
Girl on computer #10: Damn, this dumb bitch wants to start her own prostituting company.
Girl on computer #9: What a dumb bitch.
–Library, Baruch College
Overheard by: jackieisawuesome
Today, Wednesday One-Liner Is a Woman.
Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my period this morning, and I just wanna get high.
–Borough of Manhattan Community College
Overheard by: 447ght
Customer, buying two packs of Kotex: Next time you order these, you should get the kind with deodorant. It really makes a difference!
–112th St & St. Nicholas
Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!
–Port Authority
Overheard by: allie
Girl #1: I once made a Nativity from feminine products. (awkward silence) They weren’t used, though…
–Barnard
Overheard by: Brooklyn
NewsFlash: Art Student Slutty. Film at 11
Guy: Stop staring at me.
Girl: I’m not staring at you. What, I’m not allowed to look at you now?
Guy: Not like that. You have bedroom eyes.
Girl: Bedroom eyes? I don’t have bedroom eyes. That’s the way I normally look, you know that.
Guy: Yeah, because you’re everyone’s girl.
Girl: Shut up, no I’m not! Whatever, at least I get laid.
–Elevator, Pratt Institute
Overheard by: that girl
