Archive for the ‘Columbia’ Category

Is This a Great Town, or What?

Young boy: I don’t care what any­one says, I am wear­ing a red dress on Mon­day.
Mom: Oh? Well, how are you go­ing to get it?
Young boy: I don’t know, but that’s where you come in.
Mom: I don’t have a red dress.
Young boy: Oh, I thought you did.
Mom: I have a t‑shirt with a belt around it. You can wear that.

–Near Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: sam

Hitler Did Kin­da Fo­cus on That One Star, Though…

Col­lege kid #1: …and the as­trologers are hav­ing to com­plete­ly change their pre­dic­tions be­cause Plu­to’s not a plan­et any­more.
Col­lege kid #2: That’s crazy.
Ran­dom guy: Don’t make fun of as­trol­o­gy. Hitler took as­trol­o­gy se­ri­ous­ly. So did Ronald Rea­gan. And kings and queens.

–1 train, 116th St

Over­heard by: bluekale
Head­line by: wig­gi­ty

Run­ners-Up:
· “Ac­tu­al­ly, The Queens On­ly Fol­low the Move­ments of Uranus” — John­ny B
· “As­trol­o­gists Pre­dict Ran­dom Man Wear­ing Jack Boots Will Dis­em­bow­el 2 Col­lege Kids” — dante mc­nasty
· “I Thought Ronald Rea­gan Got Rid of All the Queens” — C.J.
· “Just When I Had Heard That Stu­pid­i­ty Was in Ret­ro­grade…” — tm78
· “Nos­trad­um­bass Lives On” — kathy
· “Plu­to Is Just a Mick­ey Mouse Plan­et” — El­liott Sper­ber
· “Tau­rus: Keep Your Wits About You, as True Love Is Around the Cor­ner. Al­so, You Will In­vade Poland.” — Jim C.
· “What Did You Think the Star Wars Pro­gram Was About?” — Tom Dorey

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

But I Got Them Be­fore They Were Cool

Ex­cit­ed teen: Dan­ny! Check out my new Mac­Book Pro!
Dan­ny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re go­ing to buy black-rimmed glass­es, a shirt from Ur­ban Out­fit­ters, and the new Franz Fer­di­nand CD?
Ex­cit­ed teen: But… You al­ready have all that stuff.

–Co­lum­bia

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers! They’re Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheer­ful­ly, to sev­en-year-old daugh­ter: There’s on­ly one Lind­say Lo­han!

–Down­town 1 train

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Jew­ish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done peo­ple tell me I look like Amy Wine­house?

–116th St & Broad­way

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in par­tic­u­lar: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Over­heard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larg­er re­porter: I’m not go­ing to save clothes that fit me be­fore I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I’m go­ing to buy some new damn clothes. I don’t want to wear stuff from 1987. I’ll look stu­pid, I’ll look like Mis­cha Bar­ton.

–Mid­town Of­fice

Over­heard by: you wont be mis­cha’s size

Hip­ster girl to friend: I mean, I re­al­ly like him… But he thinks Riv­er Phoenix is a place.

–East Vil­lage

Do You Take This Wednes­day to Be Your Law­ful­ly Wed­ded One-Lin­er?

Grad stu­dent: Trans­la­tion: Will you mar­ry me? Or: I don’t want germs.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: La­dle

Dude: … My wed­ding [mum­ble] gonna take away my clothes, so I’m go­ing to need a tear-away tuxe­do.

–53rd & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Jo

Chick to an­oth­er: Yeah, he’s the one who would­n’t mar­ry her be­cause she was too pale.

–Star­bucks

Blonde: … And I’m re­al­ly not sure, be­cause he said he should­n’t un­less we are mar­ried, but that it’s okay, we could just do it and then he could just con­fess his sins or some­thing like that…

–Broad­way & Prince

Over­heard by: Dan

Les­bian to group: So, what is the rea­son be­hind get­ting mar­ried, be­sides pre­tend­ing to be het­ero­sex­u­al? Ex­act­ly — presents!

–Par­ty, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Jude

Wednes­day How Many Lin­ers?

Cute guy to Ger­man flight at­ten­dant on lay­over: So, do you have cars in Ger­many?

–Bar­racu­da

Over­heard by: bar­keep­er

Girl: So, my mom is Jew­ish and my dad is Chris­t­ian. Does that make me, like, bi-racial?

–Eu­gene Lang Col­lege

Over­heard by: Still ashamed I go to school here

His­pan­ic high school girl: Is the Fourth of Ju­ly al­ways on a Fri­day?

–N Train

Over­heard by: D‑Law

Guy to friend: Well, that’s nice, they have these ma­chines set up for the vi­su­al­ly im­paired, but what about the deaf peo­ple?

–ATM, 38th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: jen­ny­ooooo

Stu­dent: Is Swedish even a lan­guage?

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Truck­er: What are you, stu­pid, or both?

–M86 Crosstown Bus

Hey New York: What Did You Think of the Pa­rade?

Hip­ster: …yeah, I re­al­ly don’t know…I mean, you see one drag queen on some kin­da float, you seen ’em all.

–Le Monde, 112th & Broad­way

Guy #1: So yeah, I saw that nig­ga out in the Vil­lage. That man is wild­ing, bro.
Guy #2: Word?
Guy #1: Yeah, dat nig­ga is out there rap­ping fags. He be like in a al­ley, and he be like, “yo com­mere”, then he fucks ’em, bro.
Guy #2: Ha, ha. Yo, dat’s fucked up man, that nig­ga al­ways was crazy.

–M14 bus

Girl: I to­tal­ly thought I was go­ing to see my gym teacher here.

–7th Av­enue & Green­wich

Over­heard by: Lukas