Archive for the ‘Columbia University’ Category

So We Played Naked Charades and I Guessed It Right Away

Girl to friend: So, I found out that Jon has herpes and he never told me.
(friend looks at her in shock)
Girl: Not that kind of herpes, the other kind. But I talked to him about it. It’s pretty funny, actually. But he didn’t tell me. Well…we don’t really talk about stuff like that.

–110th St & Broadway

Headline by: ikki nikki

Runners-Up:
· “…Until I Googled Valtrex, That Is” — keeps on giving
· “Genital Sores Tend to Speak for Themselves” — DCGeek
· “So Long As He Keeps It in His Ass, It Doesn’t Affect Our Relationship” — BenGay
· “The Line for Guest Appearences on Maury Starts Here…” — John
· “We Don’t Want Things to Get Too Simplex” — erak
· “Which Is Why He Doesn’t Know About My Three Abortions” — Jesse
· “You Mean the “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” Kind Of Herpes?” — leoladie23

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

At Least Wednesday One-Liners Are Pretty

Girl to friend: I wonder what’s the difference between hard tacos and soft tacos.

–Line at Taco Bell, Queens Mall Food Court

Overheard by: NTA

Guy talking to his friend: I don’t believe there is a first time for everything, but I do think there is a first time for anything.

–2nd St & Ave B

Overheard by: Max Berlinger

Girl on cell in hallway: She told me to get bacterial soap.

–Fordham University, Rose Hill

Overheard by: Krisztina ‚who uses anti-bacterial

Subway comedian: My wife is so stupid. I told her to take the 2 train, she took the 1 twice. [Awkward silence follows. Comedian proceeds to dance around a subway pole pretending to be a stripper.] 

–1 Train

Overheard by: Subway rider

Guy on cell: Dude, you’ve got to stop doing this “living paycheck to paycheck” thing because every time you get a check it’s like an emotional highway.

–Columbia University Campus

Overheard by: Alina

College girl, after closing a Nutella jar: I solved it! I solved the puzzle!

–Broome St

Overheard by: YJL

Wednesdays Are Profoundly One-Linered

Yankees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yankees stadium I’ll be like a retard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Stadium

Overheard by: Danial

Police officer in van, on loudspeaker: Move to the right! (people in cars ignore the order) Retards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, ranting: You can’t have sex with people who aren’t retarded because they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Overheard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I never said that I wasn’t retarded. Technically, I’m not a hypocrite.

–L Train

Overheard by: Julia

Heavily made-up girl: Do you think retarded people are, like, conceptually aware that they’re retarded?

–6 Train

Overheard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a retarded Jack Russell Terrier is completely foreign to me, because as I recall, Wishbone was exceptionally well-read.

–Columbia University

I Prefer to Think That He Jumped Out Of a Cake and Yelled “Surprise!”

Foreign TA: I don’t understand why they use the egg for Easter.
American TA: Oh, it doesn’t really have anything to do with Easter, we just appropriated pagan rituals.
Foreign TA: I thought Easter is when Jesus was reborn.
American TA: It is.
Foreign TA: I thought maybe he was reborn out of an egg.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: MCLD