Thin preppy girl to heavier stranger: Oh my god! I love your shoes.
Heavier stranger, looking her over: Girl, I wish I could give you a compliment, but you just look hungry.
–95th St & Madison Ave
Overheard by: Adriana
Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category
The Little Wednesday One-Liner That Could
Cheerful female conductor: This is the express train. That means it's not not not not not not not the local train. Don't screw up.
–Metro-North Rail
Overheard by: Lynne
Conductor: Behold! This is Woodside! Change here for the former Shea Stadium, now Mets-Willets point. Have a great time!
–LIRR
Conductor: After Syosset, the next stop will be express, directly to Hunters Point Avenue. Do not pass go, do not collect 200 dollars.
–LIRR
Overheard by: morningcommute
Conductor: There is an uptown express train across the tracks. When the doors open, get off if you want to get off. Don't just stand there looking at it.
–Uptown 6 Train
Overheard by: Julie
Conductor, as doors open for passengers: Ladies and gentlemen, we know you've been waiting a long time for a train… (doors close abruptly) Wait for another.
–Q Train
The Intro to Every Horror Movie from the 80's, in a Nutshell
Male 30-something lawyer: I'm looking forward to this weekend. Me and my girlfriend are going camping.
Male 50-something lawyer: The only thing I have left to look forward to is a quick, painless death.
Male 30-something lawyer: Have you ever been camping?
–Livingston St, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Big Larry
“She” Must Get Asked That All the Time
Man: You look like the black Sigourney Weaver.
Woman: I’m not black.
Man: Are you Sigourney Weaver?
–Oasis coffee shop, Hunts Point
Overheard by: Jake Glazier
I Was Thinking about How Pretty I Am
Hobo: What are you doing?
Pretty girl: Just thinking.
Hobo: You are way too pretty to think.
–42nd St
Overheard by: Meredith
How Vanilla Ice Cream Becomes a Chocolate Milkshake
Man: This is no good. It’s sour. I want one that’s fresh.
Employee: I put ice cream and milk.
Man: I don’t care what you put in it. Maybe it’s the milk, maybe it’s the ice cream. You taste it, or bring out a manager to taste it, either way I want one that’s fresh.
Employee: You come tomorrow. Speak with manager. Change with him.
Man: So what am I supposed to do? Stick this in my ass until tomorrow?
–Baskin-Robbins, Bensonhurst
Overheard by: Jenn Milazzo
Executing Poop Joke in Three… Two… One…
Man #1: Isn’t your cousin a big producer or something?
Man #2: No, he’s a dog walker.
–25th & 3rd
Overheard by: Jon
C’mon, That Shit Was Weaker Than What We Snorted at Frank’s Funeral
Dude #1: It’s not like you did anything for me…
Dude #2: I brought the cocaine… I brought cocaine for you at my engagement party!
–Rumsey Field, Central Park
Overheard by: Jet Black
What Passes for Exceptional Customer Service in This Town
Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.
–Bagel Deli
Overheard by: Amanda
What Matters is a Happy Ending
Girl: God, it’s getting so cold! I should’ve brought my winter coat!
Guy: You don’t need a coat, you need a hot man to warm you up.
Girl: I need that, too…but I’d start with a coat.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Mallory McMahon