Wish I Could Say the Same

Girl #1: I can’t believe you fucked him in my bed!
Girl #2: Well, I made sure that he didn’t cum on your sheets!
Girl #1: How thoughtful of you. –Rivington & Allen Overheard by: Snorted through my nose

They’ll Have Their Own Reality Show within a Year

Man yelling from upper floor: Bitch! You lucky I can’t come down there and beat yo’ ass!
Woman yelling up from street: That’s why yo’ ass is in there! –Brooklyn House of Detention for Men Overheard by: Jimbo Jones

I Heart New York (A Short Story)

Wheelbette: Excuse me, sir — do you have the time?
Guy: Shut up. –26th & 6th

These Are Halloween Costumes, Bobby.

Little boy in baseball uniform #1: We beat the Mets! We beat the Mets! We beat the Mets! We beat the Mets, right?
Little boy in baseball uniform #2: We didn't play the Mets. –Governors Island

The People Who Film and Distribute It?

Teenage girl: But she sucks a lot of dick for money!
Teenage boy: At least she’s getting paid! You suck a lot of dick for free! Who’s the winner in that situation? –153rd St & Amsterdam Ave Overheard by: Emily

Looks Like Martha’s House Arrest is Over

Suit: Excuse me. You know, if you wouldn’t stand in the doors, we could all get on and get off a lot faster.
Woman: Shut the fuck up, bitch. –A train, Jay Street station Overheard by: David Wood

They Take Your Money and Don’t Care If You Live or Die

JAP #1: It’s like, I can’t dance on the bar and dress slutty anymore. It’s just not appropriate.
JAP #2: You did it in college all the time.
JAP #1: But college is different! College is like being in Vegas…
JAP #2: Yeah, for four years! –Columbus Circle

White Folks Hire People to Kill Each Other

Thug #1: Yeah man, there’s some fucked up shit going on.
Thug #2: Word son, niggas killin’ niggas.
White guy across the car: It’s a win-win situation. –LIRR train to Penn Station from Jamaica

Then Stop Showing Us Your Hymen

Tween girl #1: Oh my god, is it wrong that I want him inside me?
Tween girl #2: Uh, yeah, especially since you’re like 13 and a virgin.
Tween girl #1: Oh my god, shut up! I don’t want all these New Yorkers to know I’m a virgin! –50th & 6th

That, Sir, May Have Been His Point

Obnoxious NYU girl to friends: Ew! He passed and was like “damn, look at that ass on that white girl!”
Ghetto man, passing by: Psh–what ass? –Union Square