Girl: God, it’s getting so cold! I should’ve brought my winter coat!
Guy: You don’t need a coat, you need a hot man to warm you up.
Girl: I need that, too…but I’d start with a coat.
–Carroll Gardens
Overheard by: Mallory McMahon
Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category
But Not The Tongue Baths
Tall girl: I think I'm part dog.
Short girl: That explains a lot.
–Kings Highway, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Margot
…Mr. “I Wear Crocs”
Guy #1: Are people getting dumber or is it just me?
Guy #2: Both.
–6 Train
Actually They’re Named For the 80’s Girl Group
New York girl: Wait, who are the Bengals?
Cincinnati girl: Our football team
New York girl: Wow, that sucks, to be named after a kind of bracelet.
–Columbia University
Overheard by: leilah
With More Sodomy, or Less?
Student #1: It’s crazy to think the pope was part of the Hitler youth.
Student #2: Not really — the Hitler youth was like the YMCA of Germany.
–Van crossing GW Bridge
At the Micromanaging Quarterfinals
Tourist dad: So, if you had two hundred dollars and you could spend it in the city any way you wanted to, what would you–
Small boy: –I’d buy roasted peanuts.
Tourist dad: What? No. Not peanuts.
Small boy: Why not? If it’s my money, I’m gonna spend it on peanuts!
Tourist dad, annoyed: Fine, you can get the damn peanuts. What would you do with the rest of the money?
Small boy, thinking: Well, that would leave me with… about a hundred and ninety dollars?
Tourist dad: No way. You are not buying 10-dollar roasted peanuts.
–Broadway
Overheard by: amused pedestrian
Is No Nationality Immune from This Line Of Reasoning?
Midwestern tourist: Is she Spanish or retarded?
New Yorker: Retarded.
–19th St & 8th Ave, Park Slope
Overheard by: Danny
Try a Gay Bar, Honey
Scrawny tourist boy to two passing New York girls: Hey ladies! I'm single!
New York girl: And that's why.
–Times Square
It Won’t Work If It’s Just a Picture of a Toad
Club dude: May I ask you why you’re licking your handstamp?
Drunk teen guy: I wasn’t. They stamped me twice, and I had something in my tongue.
–The Knitting Factory, Leonard Street
Tower of Babble
Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Susspect
Headline by: Matt Higgins
Runners-Up:
· “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” – Greg Costello
· “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” – Sabrina
· “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” – Chuck Roast
· “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” – Kristin
· “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” – Big Larry
· “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” – Grinning Idiot