Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category

We Have Special Clubs for That

30-something fag hag: I mean, cum is a fine substance. In small quantities it can even be kind of pleasant. But you wouldn’t want a bucket of it.
Queer: Speak for yourself.

–Miracle Grill

Overheard by: Trying not to choke on my nachos

“…because you’re always juggling mine.”

Chick: I think the angel is an appropriate icon for me.
Guy: I think ben-wa balls may have been more appropriate.

–1 train

Overheard by: djlindee

Panda Bears Go Through This on a Daily Basis

Girl #1: I can’t go out with him. He’s fat.
Girl #2: So are you.
Girl #1: Really? Oh… yeah.

–Applebee’s, Times Square

Overheard by: eee!

Believe Me, He Would Know

Guy #1: Hey…Sam?
Guy #2: No…Sam’s my brother.
Guy #1: Oh…sorry. Dude, you look just like him.
Guy #2: Well, we’re brothers.
Guy #1: Me and my brother don’t look anything alike.
Guy #2: Huh. Guess your mother was a whore.

–37th & 3rd

Better Than That Place Where the Comedians Beat You Up and Rob You

Comedy club promoter: Hey, you guys want free beers and some laughs?
Teen tourists’ chaperone: They’re underage.
Comedy club promoter: How about free sodas and a few giggles?

–Outside Hilton Theatre

Overheard by: Amused Teenage Tourist

Not Having to Think Frees Up a Lot of Time for Watching Reality TV

Dude with clipboard to couple passing by: Excuse me, you two! Sign this! It’s your independent right as an American.
Guy: No, thanks. I hate rights.
Chick: Yeah, just being told what to do rocks.
Guy: Conforming is sweet.

–Bleecker St