Archive for the ‘Comebacks’ Category

At the Micromanaging Quarterfinals

Tourist dad: So, if you had two hundred dollars and you could spend it in the city any way you wanted to, what would you–
Small boy: –I’d buy roasted peanuts.
Tourist dad: What? No. Not peanuts.
Small boy: Why not? If it’s my money, I’m gonna spend it on peanuts!
Tourist dad, annoyed: Fine, you can get the damn peanuts. What would you do with the rest of the money?
Small boy, thinking: Well, that would leave me with… about a hundred and ninety dollars?
Tourist dad: No way. You are not buying 10-dollar roasted peanuts.

–Broadway

Overheard by: amused pedestrian

Tower of Babble

Kid: I speak seven different languages.
Mom: The only language you speak is Stupid.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Susspect

Headline by: Matt Higgins

Runners-Up:

· “And your Mandarin is conversational at best” – Greg Costello

· “Barbara Bush reaches her tipping point.” – Sabrina

· “But I got the Vile Cunt accent from you , mom.” – Chuck Roast

· “Kill his confidence so you don’t have to pay for Harvard” – Kristin

· “Obviously, it’s his “Mother Tongue”” – Big Larry

· “The wit of your reply has left me aghast and inarticulate, mother” – Grinning Idiot


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