Archive for the ‘Compare/Contrast’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers: So Life­like!

Girl: If I made a sex doll that smelled like elk, he would to­tal­ly do it!

–Queens

Mid­dle-aged Lati­no: I’ve got bar­bie dolls!

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

News­pa­per ven­dor: Cause I have that mul­ti­ple sneez­ing thing! I hate that crap! I’m like a bob­ble-head doll!

–96th St & Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: Galatea

Girl leav­ing nail sa­lon: It looks like Mal­ibu Bar­bie just threw up all over my feet.

–11th St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Bill

De­spon­dent lit­tle girl in cof­fee shop: Um, I don’t play with the doll house that much be­cause you said we’re not sup­posed to play in the med­i­ta­tion room.

–Car­roll Gar­dens, Brook­lyn

What Not to Wednes­day One-Lin­er

Hip­ster girl: Look, just be­cause you’re preg­nant does­n’t mean you have to dress like a fifth grad­er.

–Union Pool, Brook­lyn

Vain fag, look­ing at pants: I re­al­ly love these shorts, I hope they’re *in* this sum­mer…

–LIRR

Guy wear­ing bright green leather clogs: No, I’d nev­er wear crocs. They’re ug­ly.

–For­est Hills Gar­dens, Queens

Over­heard by: Aloof Lon­er

Goth girl: Let’s buy fur coats and throw paint on our­selves.

–Bloom­ing­dale’s

Dis­em­bod­ied voice: Yo, these are mom jeans. I hate that shit! The waist goes all the way up to your stom­ach and then it makes a lit­tle V‑neck pouch for your vagi­na. I hate that shit!

–Fit­ting Rooms, Gap in Her­ald Square

Over­heard by: Zarya

[Wait­ing in line for the washroom.]Lady, bawl­ing her eyes out: Sor­ry, I or­dered this jack­et, and it’s two sizes too big!

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Tra­cy

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers for Cele­bre­tards

Young black guy to an­oth­er: You know, Oba­ma is to pol­i­tics what Richard Sim­mons is to ex­er­cise.

–PATH Train

Guy stand­ing out­side bar: And she was like, “What, like Gary Cole­man?” and I’m like, “No, not like fuck­ing Gary Cole­man!”

–4th & 10th

Girl to boyfriend: Well, Tom Green on­ly had one tes­ti­cle. It’s to­tal­ly fine.

–E 11th St

Over­heard by: j

Suit on cell: And I was like, “Fuck you, Ryan Cabr­era”!

–Bed­ford & 6th St

Black girl on cell: I told you, we’re like the Paris Hiltons of Liberia.

–Bor­ders, Wall St

Over­heard by: step

Guy (af­ter tak­ing pic­ture with Je­re­my Piv­en): Damn! I can’t put this on My­Space. I’m wear­ing the same shirt I wore when I met Chazz Palminteri!

–Out­side Bar­ry­more The­atre

Over­heard by: Pasta…Salad