Archive for the ‘Compare/Contrast’ Category

How Much Is That Wednesday One-Liner in the Window?

Man eating brunch to male friend: We both came out seven years ago. We are puppy gay in dog years.

–Big Daddy’s Diner

Overheard by: Morgan

Very loving mom talking to daughter about her son: Hey! He is not an animal, he is not a dog. Well, at least not today!

–Hell’s Kitchen

Outraged woman to man: What? No! Do not put the dog in the furnace, Ted!

–Court Street

Chick with cigarette, on cell: … Leathery fetish dog-masks, or just Halloween style dog-masks?

–Outside Tagine, 40th & 9th

Overheard by: Ladle

Philosophical suit: The only reason I haven’t divorced my wife is because of the dog.

–Upper East Side

… So I Maced Him.

College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?’
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Today, Wednesday One-Liner Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It's not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my period this morning, and I just wanna get high.

–Borough of Manhattan Community College

Overheard by: 447ght

Customer, buying two packs of Kotex: Next time you order these, you should get the kind with deodorant. It really makes a difference!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don't PMS!

–Port Authority

Overheard by: allie

Girl #1: I once made a Nativity from feminine products. (awkward silence) They weren't used, though…

–Barnard

Overheard by: Brooklyn

NewsFlash: Crackhead Slain on 2 Train! Film at Eleven.

Crackhead to white girl: I want a little white girl. Okay, a little white lily, she so mad, I want a little white girl, not a black girl, they broke my heart too many times. You think I'm harassing you because you're white and I'm black.
Girl on train: I'm not white, okay? I'm not white, stop looking at me. I don't look remotely white, or Caucasian.
Crackhead: I'm not into fat girls, so I'll look somewhere else. I'm not into fat jokes, just black jokes. You probably think I'm into white guys, not white girls, just call me gay. Are you trying to slip away?
Girl on train: Did he just call me fat?

–Downtown 2 Train

…Douchebag.

Judge, at conclusion of trial: Well, I must say I was very impressed with the quality of the attorneys for both sides. It's extremely unusual and refreshing to see attorneys acting like lawyers.
Attorney: I would suggest, your honor, that it would be more accurate to say that it is unusual and refreshing to see attorneys not acting like lawyers.
Judge: Point well taken.

–Civil Court, Sutphin Boulevard, Jamaica

Overheard by: Big Larry