Archive for the ‘Compliments’ Category

You Should See My Notes for Sex­u­al An­thro­pol­o­gy

Teen girl #1: Don’t read it.
Teen boy: Re­al­ly?
Teen girl #2: It’s so over­rat­ed. Every­one’s like “Oh my god, Franken­stien is awe­some!” but it’s not. It is­n’t. Franken­stein sucks so hard.
Teen girl #1: Vic­tor spends half the book sick, and the mon­ster spends half the book spy­ing on a fam­i­ly with a hot Ara­bi­an chick.
Teen boy: What about all the torch­es and Ig­or and every­thing?
Teen girl #2: Not there.
Teen boy: For re­al?
Teen girl #1: Just a lot of a Swiss guy cry­ing and ly­ing on the floor. I even have it in my notes, “Vic­tor says: ‘When in doubt, pass out!’ ” And there’s a stick fig­ure giv­ing a thumbs up.

–For­bid­den Plan­et

Plus, We Both Like Ice Cream. And the Bea­t­les!

Bim­bo #1: Yeah, I re­al­ly think I like him. We get along so well. I mean, we have a lot in com­mon.
Bim­bo #2: Oh yeah? Like what?
Bim­bo #1: Well, we both love pugs.
Bim­bo #2: As in the type of dog? Every­one loves pugs. How can you not like pugs? They are so fuck­ing cute.
Bim­bo #1 (chal­leng­ing­ly): Yeah? Well, how about this one? Both of our dads died in plane crash­es.
Bim­bo #2: Oh. My. God. You are sooo meant to be to­geth­er.

–Brook­lyn Bound N Train

Over­heard by: totes meant to be

All the Nerd-Boys in Earshot Had a Si­mul­ta­ne­ous Mo­ment in Their Pants

Cute nerd-girl play­ing scrab­ble #1: Did you see that episode where Da­ta made a daugh­ter? It was so good, and so sad!
Cute nerd-girl play­ing scrab­ble #2: Yeah, it was.
Cute nerd #1: And do you re­mem­ber the episode when the lit­tle boy idol­ized da­ta…
Cute nerd #2 in­ter­rupt­ing: I re­mem­ber all the episodes.
Cute nerd #1: But there was this one scene…
Cute nerd #2: I re­mem­ber that scene.
Cute nerd #1: But I did­n’t fin­ish…
Cute nerd #2: I re­mem­ber all the scenes. Se­ri­ous­ly. There was one time when my friend was flip­ping chan­nels, and she flipped to Star Trek. And I on­ly saw like, a quar­ter of a sec­ond of it, with Dr Crush­er bend­ing over a pa­tient, and I said, “ ‘his blood is turn­ing to some kind of liq­uid poly­mer.’ ” and then Dr Crush­er said, “His blood is turn­ing to some kind of liq­uid poly­mer!” It’s like when some peo­ple hear like 3 sec­onds of a song and can iden­ti­fy it. I can do that with Star Trek.

–Star­bucks, 2nd & 9th

What’s a Nice Wednes­day Like You Do­ing in a One-Lin­er Like This?

Creep­ster to woman with child en­ter­ing train: You can sit here. There’s no rea­son to be stand­ing when you have a child with you. (woman sits) Not to sound creepy, but the view was much bet­ter when you were stand­ing.

–6 Train

Over­heard by: Creeped out.

Black hobo to young white girl: If you and I got to­geth­er, we could make the next Oba­ma.

–4 Train

Over­heard by: Katie

Greasy white suit to hot black chick: My name is Mark, but you can call me “The Vagi­na Whis­per­er.”

–Moe’s Bar. Brook­lyn

Guy hit­ting on four younger girls: I’ll take you home and we can do some­thing weird… I’ll pour hon­ey all over you. Then I’ll put you in the clos­et and let loose 200 bees in there with you! Or, we could do sexy-weird! I’ll pour but­ter all over you, and I’ll make toast, and I’ll wipe the but­ter off your back with it!

–1 Train

Old­er fat man yelling at at­trac­tive young woman: Hey bay! You’re beau­ti­ful! Look at me! You don’t want to say hi? (spreads his arms) Hey, come on, look at me. I’m Tony Baloney.

–Broad­way & Hewes, Brook­lyn

I’m Too Sexy for My Wednes­day One-Lin­ers.

Co­me­di­an guy with fly­er: Girl, you have some sexy nos­trils!

–Broad­way

Gay man to an­oth­er: Next Hal­loween I am go­ing to be a sexy tub of lard.

–Broad­way & Spring

20-some­thing hot girl on cell: So, like, Kristin was sup­posed to go as a wa­ter-board­ing tor­ture vic­tim, which is hi­lar­i­ous, but then, she like, um, shows up as a *sexy* wa­ter-board­ing tor­ture vic­tim, which is bet­ter than be­ing, like, all gross and frumpy. But come on… that’s not fun­ny.

–Q Train

Creepy old man: When I was was a kid… Coney Is­land was hot! I mean “sexy.” I mean it was… Bam!

–Nep­tune Ave

Over­heard by: tay­lor

Girl on cell: It’s re­al­ly not like a sexy stab­bing.

–Cen­tre St

Hap­pens Sopho­more Year for Most, But It’s Nev­er Too Late

92-year-old moth­er-in-law: It’s a two girl wed­ding?
Daugh­ter-in-law, pass­ing by sec­ond re­cep­tion hall: Yes, two women are hav­ing a wed­ding re­cep­tion, they got mar­ried.
Moth­er in law, as she stud­ies the two women: Well, that one [Points.] is­n’t so bad. she could have got­ten a man.
Daugh­ter-in-law: She did­n’t want a man. she’s at­tract­ed to women.
Moth­er in law: I nev­er had a chance to try that.
[Then pro­ceeds back and forth to the bath­room sev­er­al times dur­ing re­cep­tion, to check.]

–Wed­ding Re­cep­tion, Es­sex House

Over­heard by: brides­maid