Archive for the ‘Computer’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Tend to Ram­ble On

Old man at the bar: Every­day that I wake up and see that my name is­n’t in the obit­u­ar­ies is a good day.

–Cafe des Artistes Bar

Old­er woman, to friend: Then we’re go­ing to have to do the sun­tan lo­tion thing, and that’s go­ing to be a night­mare.

–Grand Cen­tral Sta­tion

Over­heard by: EthanK

Pre-teen boy, to friend: Yo, man, there’s a lot of old peo­ple on this train. I bet they’re all wish­ing they were our age again. Suck­ers!

–N Train

Over­heard by: Han­nah

Old la­dy, to man play­ing steel drums as she dances along to the mu­sic: Shalom! That was awe­some, my man!

–1 Train

Over­heard by: Court­ney Mess­er

El­der­ly woman to el­der­ly friends: So then Andy comes down in his biki­ni, and of course all the old women go crazy…

–56th & 1st Ave

Old la­dy look­ing in­to fan­cy cafe: An­oth­er shit­hole!

–74th near Broad­way

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Old la­dy: Geral­dine, do you want to come up lat­er and play… With my wire­less router!

–Clark & Herny

Over­heard by: Lacy

But That Gear Shaft To­tal­ly Con­sent­ed

Drunk mid­dle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don’t think…
Drunk mid­dle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jer­sey all have com­put­ers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he was­n’t even do­ing any­thing!
Drunk mid­dle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk mid­dle-aged man #2: They said I was dri­ving erot­i­cal­ly.

–NJ Tran­sit

But I Got Them Be­fore They Were Cool

Ex­cit­ed teen: Dan­ny! Check out my new Mac­Book Pro!
Dan­ny: Wow, a Mac? So, now what? You’re go­ing to buy black-rimmed glass­es, a shirt from Ur­ban Out­fit­ters, and the new Franz Fer­di­nand CD?
Ex­cit­ed teen: But… You al­ready have all that stuff.


When Gay Boys Turn Straight in Self-De­fense

Dude #1: So my room­mate keeps jerkin off at my com­put­er.
Dude #2: That’s fucked.
Dude #1: It did­n’t both­er me at all till I smelled my chair. So I con­front­ed him.
Dude #2: What hap­pened?
Dude #1: He said he’d put some­thing on the chair next time. I guess I’m sup­posed to be okay with him pop­pin one off at my desk, I guess.

–Bell­house Bar

Over­heard by: bil­ly

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Are Al­ways PC

Young teen girl: I’ve done cy­ber­sex so of­ten I for­got how to type with two hands.

–A Train

Suit on cell: I have noth­ing to blog about. I have noth­ing to video blog about. Man, yes­ter­day I had to force my­self to tweet!

–Up­town 4 Train

Over­heard by: cow­girly

Girl sell­ing peach­es to an­oth­er: Yeah, my dad was so un­sym­pa­thet­ic when I told him my com­put­er crashed that I went straight to the Ap­ple store and charged a new hard dri­ve to his cred­it card. I was re­al­ly proud of my­self.

–Fort Greene Farm­ers Mar­ket

Over­heard by: Morn­ing Glo­ry

Teenage girl to friend: I don’t see why we’re even here. We could see all this stuff on the in­ter­net for free.

–Met­ro­pol­i­tan Mu­se­um

Over­heard by: Derek

Har­ry Pot­ter Books!

20-some­thing girl to mom: If I had a mil­lion dol­lars, I would spend 90% of my time watch­ing tv, or do­ing noth­ing, like play­ing on the com­put­er.
Mom: See? That is the type of at­ti­tude we need to talk about, you should want some­thing!
20-some­thing girl: Okay, I will read books.
Mom: (sighs)

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: amazed by ig­no­rance

Wednes­day On-Lin­ers

Chick on cell: Why did you tell dad about that?…Well, he was go­ing to find out soon­er or lat­er when he saw me on the web­site.

–Union Square

Fe­male midget: Yeah, they’re in­stalling the in­ter­net in my new apart­ment and ap­par­ent­ly they need a com­put­er.

–El­e­va­tor, ABC build­ing, 66th St

Over­heard by: Mo­josaves

World trav­el­er: Re­al­ly, you can get any­thing on the streets of Bangkok. Thai pros­ti­tutes, smooth­ies, pass­port pictures…It’s like Craigslist.

–20th & 8th

Over­heard by: laugh­ing out loud

Catholic school girl on cell: Dan­ny, it’s me. I have some bad news. We’re on a break. Call me back when you get this message.…[Hangs up and re­di­als] Maria! What am I go­ing to do about my My­Space?!

–4th Ave

Over­heard by: Joe

Blonde on cell: Se­ri­ous­ly, I love you, but…Seriously…Seriously, you’re an ass­hole. You’re a dick! Why did­n’t you just tell me the fuck­ing truth!…Well, I’m sor­ry, okay? I’m sor­ry I post­ed those pic­tures on My­Space, but…Well, be a fuck­ing man about it and tell me the fuck­ing truth then!…Seriously, I love you.

–23rd & 8th

Over­heard by: wild dog boy

Loud guy on cell: So how do I get this done? Do I go on the in­ter­net or some­thing?… I want to be able to print my own boun­ty hunter li­cense im­me­di­ate­ly.

–11th & 6th

Suit: When I was work­ing for my old com­pa­ny, all we would do is down­load porn.

–Grand & Var­ick