Archive for the ‘Coney Island’ Category

In Rus­sia, That’s Like a French Kiss

Man #1: I was cash­ing my check in Brighton Beach and this Russ­ian dude al­most hit my lit­tle broth­er. So I went and tapped on his win­dow and you know the first thing I did?
Man #2: What’s that?
Man #1: I spit in his mouth. He opened up his mouth and got a mouth­ful of my spit. Then I start­ed walk­ing away and he got out of his car and was like 6ft 9, all bas­ket­ball style.

–Nathan’s at Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Brad Ben­son

Why J.Lo and Af­fleck Broke Up

Teen boy: You need to stop eat­ing Chi­nese food.
Teen girl: Why?
Teen boy: Be­cause then your ass is gonna get big­ger, and then I’m gonna have to rape you.
Teen girl: Why you got­ta say it like that? Why can’t you just say ‘blow my back out’ or some­thing? You rape me, then you’ll go to jail.
Teen boy: So?
Teen girl: Then you’re gonna get raped!

–Chi­nese restau­rant, Coney Is­land

“I’m Hav­ing a Wednes­day One-Lin­er– And It’s Yours!”

Man in floor-length green dress to passers­by: How do you know if you’re hav­ing a ba­by? It’s by the way you lift your legs!

–8th & 34th

Guy to girl­friend: Just make sure you tell me if you’re on an­tibi­otics. I al­ready got like three ba­bies that way.

–Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: It’s how I got mine

Large black man: She was pop­pin’ those ba­bies out like an Easy-Bake Oven!

–Coney Is­land Broad­walk

Hobo woman yelling at ran­dom preg­nant woman: I told you be care­ful with that bel­ly! That baby’s gonna die! It gonna die!

–Broad­way & Lib­er­ty

Over­heard by: CG

Man talk­ing an­i­mat­ed­ly on cell: Yeah! Don’t be sur­prised if the ba­by comes out with a hairy red ass!

–Spring Street, So­Ho

Mid­dle aged woman: Your ba­by would­n’t stop cry­ing, so I put my tit in his mouth.

–W 12th & W 4th

Over­heard by: michael di­a­mond

Wednes­day Bites the Big One-Lin­er

Teen scene girl: And that’s a whole fuck­ing dif­fer­ent sto­ry! You al­ways said you want­ed to die hav­ing a heart at­tack in a car!

–57th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Du­luthi­an

Guy in line: I haven’t had a corn dog since Jim Belushi died.

–Nathan’s, Coney Is­land

Creepy guy on cell: Hey. Did you hear about the Craigslist killer? Yeah, is­n’t that a great idea?

–Penn Sta­tion

20-some­thing ir­ri­tat­ed man on cell: Dude, stop freak­ing out! They’re prob­a­bly not go­ing to do the au­top­sy for an­oth­er three days.

–8th Ave & 15th St

Con­duc­tor: Please, no one cross cars, if the train makes a turn you will fall through, get crushed and die, thank you and have a love­ly evening. Oh, and it’s love­ly to be alive.

–Am­trak Train to Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Paige