Archive for the ‘Construction Guys’ Category

Dude, We’re Not Relatives

Large maintenance man #1: Yo, you remember your little girl you left a while back?
Large maintenance man #2: Fuck, man, why you gotta bring that up?
Large maintenance man #1: I think I fucked her last night.
Large maintenance man #2: How the hell would you know that?
Large maintenance man #1: ‘Cause she made that face you make when you lift shit.

–15th St & Union Sq West

Overheard by: margo

Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct

Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don't look at me like that! Don't say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jumana

Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She'd be lovin' me, and I'd be lovin' her friends.

–Columbus Circle

Overheard by: Rich R.

Construction worker, singing: If there's a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)

–Waverly Place & 5th Ave

Overheard by: steph

Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin' Scooby Doo Where Are You!

–Humboldt & Withers

Overheard by: francesca

Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It's all twisted. It's going to come down.

–Williams St

Overheard by: Sonya

He Needs to Call Apex Tech (They Can’t Call Him)

Construction guy #1: Next, the idiot tells me she ain’t livin’ there so it don’t matter if I do the job the right way or the wrong way. She just wants it done fast and cheap.
Construction guy #2: So then what’d ya say?
Construction guy #1: I told her, “Lady, I ain’t got time to do things wrong. Enough things go wrong just trying to do things right!”

–Grand Central

Overheard by: Mike Jenkins

Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries

Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.

–39th & Lex

Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”

–Whitehall Ferry Terminal

Overheard by: Steven Lowell

Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?

–Museum of Natural History

Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.

–19th & 6th

Overheard by: CocteauBoy

5-Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?

–59th between Broadway & 7th

Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub

Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.

–American Wing Cafe, the Met

Overheard by: guingel

MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.

–Bleecker & Lafayette

Overheard by: Brewster

Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.

–Houston & Bowery

Overheard by: Jon A.

Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.

–Penn Station

Overheard by: Jon

Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.

–53rd & Broadway

Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.

–10th St & 1st Ave

Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.

–Q101 bus

Overheard by: Kaleena

Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.

–14th St 1 station

Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!

–59th & 7th

Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”

–The Strand, Broadway

Overheard by: Miss Parker