Construction worker #1: I just don’t get Facebook.
Construction worker #2: Me either. I don’t get why you would need to tell anyone, “Hey! I’m scratching my balls right now.”
–Lincoln Plaza
Archive for the ‘Construction Guys’ Category
Caution: Wednesday One-Liners at Work
Hardhat: Walk in the walkway, people! It’s much safer! Watch out for the cabs! They hurt!
–Broadway & Fulton
Overheard by: Adam Nathan
Chunky Mexican hardhat: I might not have a million dollars, but I got a big fat dick to put in her ass.
–St. Patrick’s Cathedral
Hardhat: Awright, look — after lunch, I’ll get you a grinder, and then we’re having a three-way, okay?
–Barnard College
Overheard by: Vicksburg
Hardhat on cell: So, when you say you want to cheat, do you mean a one-time thing, or is this something you plan on doing again and again?
–14th St, between 6th & 7th Ave
Hardhat to another: Bitch, please! I asked for a pink soda! I’m not going to drink this shit!
–10th & 3rd
Overheard by: Veronika LaRocque
Ladies and Gentlemen: The Only Two People in New York with Insurance
Scaffolding: [loud boom]Girl: Holy shit.
Construction worker #1: Hey, it’s OK, don’t worry.
Construction worker #2: Yeah, we have insurance!
–81st & 2nd
Overheard by: another girl about to walk under the death tr
Dude, We’re Not Relatives
Large maintenance man #1: Yo, you remember your little girl you left a while back?
Large maintenance man #2: Fuck, man, why you gotta bring that up?
Large maintenance man #1: I think I fucked her last night.
Large maintenance man #2: How the hell would you know that?
Large maintenance man #1: ‘Cause she made that face you make when you lift shit.
–15th St & Union Sq West
Overheard by: margo
What? My Long Line Jokes Kill at Caroline’s
Construction guy: Can’t we move this line a little faster? This line isn’t moving anywhere. What’s with this line?
Lady: Here, you can go ahead of me.
Construction guy: I’m using humor, lady. This is just humor. I’m not serious here. [Gets in front of her in line.]
–4th St
Overheard by: the girl who fainted at Starbucks
Wednesday One-Liners Are a Social Construct
Angry construction worker to befuddled construction worker: Don’t look at me like that! Don’t say that to me! Go home and fuck my wife, asshole!
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jumana
Construction working to another: Man, I need to get me a bi girlfriend. She’d be lovin’ me, and I’d be lovin’ her friends.
–Columbus Circle
Overheard by: Rich R.
Construction worker, singing: If there’s a skeeter on your Peter/whack it off! (claps twice)
–Waverly Place & 5th Ave
Overheard by: steph
Tough construction worker, unloading van: Yo, I was up til like 2 am watchin’ Scooby Doo Where Are You!
–Humboldt & Withers
Overheard by: francesca
Construction worker, staring up at construction skyscraper: It’s all twisted. It’s going to come down.
–Williams St
Overheard by: Sonya
He Needs to Call Apex Tech (They Can’t Call Him)
Construction guy #1: Next, the idiot tells me she ain’t livin’ there so it don’t matter if I do the job the right way or the wrong way. She just wants it done fast and cheap.
Construction guy #2: So then what’d ya say?
Construction guy #1: I told her, “Lady, I ain’t got time to do things wrong. Enough things go wrong just trying to do things right!”
–Grand Central
Overheard by: Mike Jenkins
Technically, It’s Not a “Club” So Much As P.S. 182
Construction worker #1: We gotta go to this club I heard about. All the girls are on ecstasy.
Construction worker #2: Perfect!
–42nd & Broadway
Overheard by: las
Wednesday One-Liners Cross Species Boundaries
Man, to old woman pouring paint thinner into the sewer: You know, you’ll kill the alligators like that.
–39th & Lex
Methodone lover: I told him, “If you do that again, I’m gonna sic the alligators on you!”
–Whitehall Ferry Terminal
Overheard by: Steven Lowell
Tourist, kneeling in front of a giant stone head: Help me, Olmec! Where is the shrine of the silver monkey?
–Museum of Natural History
Chelsea boy: Yeah…My God, the boys there were so hot! Their asses were all tight and round…Mmm…like a Chihuahua’s.
–19th & 6th
Overheard by: CocteauBoy
5‑Year-Old boy, passing the smelly horse carriages on Central Park South: Eww, are there camels around here?
–59th between Broadway & 7th
Overheard by: Carmiya Weinraub
Old man, passing bear sculpture: Bears eat too much.
–American Wing Cafe, the Met
Overheard by: guingel
MTA hardhat: Yeah, for lunch I’ll have either the rat on a stick or the pigeon on a stick.
–Bleecker & Lafayette
Overheard by: Brewster
Guy on cell: I just saw a pigeon, and it reminded me of you.
–Houston & Bowery
Overheard by: Jon A.
Commuter: Oh, I’ve always been into manatees.
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Jon
Woman, to child: That’s why imagination is really nice. You can imagine that cat you have always wanted, and it’s almost like having him for real…even though you never will.
–53rd & Broadway
Animal lover: I never used to like cats. But then I had this dream where this cat, like, told me, “I love you,” so I got a cat.
–10th St & 1st Ave
Bus rider: My son’s frog jumped up there, and now I can’t take a poop.
–Q101 bus
Overheard by: Kaleena
Suit: No, no, it’s a woman with a donkey, not two donkeys! Jesus.
–14th St 1 station
Non-Ghetto woman on cell: That’s nigga’s crazier than a road lizard!
–59th & 7th
Picky girl: You won’t believe the pick up line he used. He actually said, “I want to be your beast.”
–The Strand, Broadway
Overheard by: Miss Parker
Wait– Are We Still Talking About Barbeque?
Construction worker #1 to #2: I don’t think I want a rub and tug. You want a rub and tug?
Construction worker #2: Is it spicy?
–Broadway & Waverly
