Cop #1: That was a fun job. That was exciting.
Cop #2: Oh, come on.
Cop #1: When he said, “I’ll go in, you stay here”, I really thought we had a bomb there.
–Bay Parkway Subway Station
Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category
…But Then We’d Be Late for Our Spa Appointment. Sophie’s Choice!
Creepy dude, walking up to two college kids: Hey, you guys look pretty smart, can I ask you a question?
College guy: Uh, we can’t um… help you.
Creepy dude: I’m not asking for money, I just have a question. So if someone like, is an accomplice in a kidnapping, are they just as liable as the person who did the actual kidnapping?
College guy: I think it depends.
Creepy dude: Great! Thanks. (creepy dude walks away)
College chick: Is this one of those, “if you see something, say something” moments? Maybe we should call a popo.
–Port Authority Bus Terminal
Overheard by: Vicksburg
I’m Reluctant to Say More
Dude: Hi, I’m looking for the World Trade Center.
Cop: Uhhh, yeah… You need to go to Manhattan.
–Ferry Terminal, Staten Island
Overheard by: Ghost Rock It
He Obviously Doesn’t Believe in Disco
Tourist guy: Why do the buildings in New York have water tanks on the
roofs?
Cop guy: I don’t know…maybe they knock it over if the building
goes up in flames.
–Bowery & Delancey
Totally Worth It If You Want to Ascend to a Higher Plane
Businesswoman #1: So I had to go in this little booth, and it has these tiny holes that shoot air at you! And I was like “What on earth is this for?” and the security guy said “Oh, it’s so we can get a sense of your aura.” I mean really, they don’t let you get on a plane if your aura is bad?
Businesswoman #2: Wow, I guess so. Airport security is getting really tight these days.
Businesswoman #1: Seriously.
–50th & 7th
Overheard by: Arielle
Wednesday One-Liners Like to Move It, Move It!
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a stalled train directly behind us. We hope to be moving shortly. Once again, ladies and gentlemen, we are being delayed by a train directly behind us. Thank you for your patience.
–6 Train
Overheard by: little_pooh_1
Conductor: The bathrooms on this train are located four cars from the rear; count four cars as you move forward from the end of the train. Forward is the direction the train is traveling in.
–Metro-North Railroad
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the next and last stop on this train is Jamaica. If you want to go somewhere, we’re probably not going there… unless it’s Jamaica, but that’s highly unlikely. Jamaica, next and last stop!
–LIRR
Overheard by: Christian
Train conductor: This is Times Square, 42nd Street. Transfer is available to any train you could possibly imagine.
–Uptown Q Train
Train conductor, stalling train: Luis Garcia, could you please step off the train? The cops is lookin’ for you… We will not move the train til Luis Garcia steps off the train. Luis?
–2 Train
We’re From Gifu, You Ignorant Round-Eye
Guy to Chinese tourists: We call them cops. Citizens on Patrol, that’s one theory. You know London? In the U.K.? Over there they call them bobbies. In New York, cops. In London, bobbies.
British woman: In London they’re called coppers.
Guy: What?
British woman: In London they call them coppers. That’s where the word “cop” comes from.
Guy: She would know, because she’s from there. So in New York, cops. In London, coppers. Not to be confused with “cooper,” which is someone who plays with copper. So is this a lot like Shanghai?
–E train
Overheard by: kyetlen
“Now can you point me to Yoko’s house?”
Teen girl: Excuse me, have you ever read The Catcher in the Rye?
Cop: Yes.
Teen girl: Do you know where the ducks go in the winter? The ones in Central Park; do you know where they fly to?
Cop: Oh, yeah. They just go to the duck house.
–47th & 5th
The New-Car Smell Of Wednesday One-Liners
Old Jewish lady to moron who parked in the walkway: Move your vehicle! Citizen’s arrest! Get the fuck out of my way!
–Brooklyn
Cop over squad car loudspeaker, to a cab driver: You’ve got to be kidding! Pull over your car now.
–74th St & Park Ave
Guy on cell: Driving? No, we shouldn’t take cars. Because people are gonna be drinkin’ and poppin’ pills and I want everyone to be safe!
–Union Square
Overheard by: rpk
Professor: So how many of you drive pick-up trucks?… Oh wait we’re in New York City, don’t see many pick-up trucks here… And why is that? Well of course it’s because you’d park your car one night and the next morning a small family of three will have a tent pitched in the back. Now there’s an awkward conversation… “Uhm excuse me, good morning but I kiiiind of need to drive to work so if you could unpitch the tent… That’d be excellent.”
–St. John’s University, Queens
NYU girl on cell: No! I told you I wanted four doors! OK, love you, bye. (hangs up phone) Seriously, I told my dad I have too many friends for a two door, but that’s all he’s looking at! It’s like he’s not even buying the car for me. He’s so selfish!
–Classroom, NYU
Overheard by: Angie
Older woman on line at the Guggenheim to young British male who has been talking with a friend: “I programmed my car to sound just like you!”
–89th St & 5th Ave
But We’re Headed to Queens!!
Obnoxious female tourist: Help, I’m lost!
Cop: No you’re not! You’re on the f train!
–F Train
