Overheard In New York

Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category

Ow! Nice Cuffs, Though

Man in knit hat, dirty shirt, and hood­ie ex­it­ing el­e­va­tor: Yo, what you sup­posed to be, a cow­boy?
Guy in cow­boy hat and fringe jack­et: Yeah, that’s right!
Man: Well, guess what — I’m a thug! Ha! [Turns to po­lice of­fi­cer stand­ing near­by] And what about you, you sup­posed to be a cop? That’s a shit cos­tume!

–DeKalb & Flat­bush

Over­heard by: John­ny Tremaine

And That Was When Fat Al­bert Went Straight

Five thugs as­cend­ing sub­way steps see cop on the street: Ho! The pigs! Oink! Bust­ed! [They run and one starts breath­ing heav­i­ly, wheezing.]Cop: Maybe you should have tak­en the el­e­va­tor.
Fat thug: Shit! There’s an el­e­va­tor?! Where’s the el­e­va­tor?! [Af­ter they all go to look for the el­e­va­tor] There’s no el­e­va­tor! He tricked us!

–Lorimer St, Brook­lyn

Who Let the Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Out?

Queer, to his Ger­man Shep­herd: Steven, don’t play these mind games with me!

–23rd & 8th

Man, re­strain­ing his dog from fol­low­ing an­oth­er dog across the street: C’­mon, bud­dy. It was­n’t meant to be.

–6th St & 7th Ave, Park Slope

Woman drag­ging her dog away from an­oth­er dog who is bark­ing fran­ti­cal­ly: You know what? You’re just cuter than her. That’s why she’s so up­set.

–Dit­mars Blvd, As­to­ria

Over­heard by: sara n.

Cop to his whin­ing Ger­man Shep­herd: Awww, what’s wrong ba­by? Did you see an ass­hole?

–West 4th Sta­tion

Think They Have Ital­ian Food?

Girl #1: Do you think there are more places to eat this way or that way?
Cop: Well, there are four that way, and two this way, but the bet­ter places are this way.
Girl #2: Can you rec­om­mend a good place to eat then?
Cop: Uh, there’s sup­posed to be some­where good on the cor­ner of Spring and Mul­ber­ry.
Girl #1: Do you know the name of the place?
Cop: Maybe Lugi’s or Lom­bardi’s or some­thing, some wop­py Ital­ian name.

–Lit­tle Italy

Over­heard by: San Gen­naro Rev­el­er

Test­ing, Wednes­day One, Two, Three-Lin­ers

Prin­ci­pal, over PA sys­tem: At­ten­tion: We are test­ing out the PA sys­tem. If you don’t hear this, please call the of­fice.

–Pub­lic School

An­nounc­er on 6 train (which was be­ing held at the sta­tion): At­ten­tion ladies and gen­tle­men. (pause) Does this thing even work?

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Your Mom

Cop, over mega­phone from pa­trol car: At­ten­tion peo­ple in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legal­ly or il­le­gal­ly, please, va­cate the area. (a few min­utes lat­er, af­ter dri­ving around the foun­tain) Peo­ple in the foun­tain, don’t think we can’t see you…don’t use stargaz­ing as your ex­cuse be­cause there’s too much light pol­lu­tion!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: In the foun­tain

Con­duc­tor over PA: At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. Acts of pugilism are not al­lowed on this train.
(two min­utes lat­er) At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. This is just a re­minder that acts of for­ni­ca­tion or fel­la­tio are not al­lowed on this train.

–Post Mid­night Drunk Train, LIRR

Over­heard by: Rob T Fire­fly

Ner­vous voice on build­ing PA sys­tem: Can I have your at­ten­tion, please? Can I have your at­ten­tion, please? Please dis­re­gard this mes­sage.

–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st