Archive for the ‘Cops’ Category

Think They Have Ital­ian Food?

Girl #1: Do you think there are more places to eat this way or that way?
Cop: Well, there are four that way, and two this way, but the bet­ter places are this way.
Girl #2: Can you rec­om­mend a good place to eat then?
Cop: Uh, there’s sup­posed to be some­where good on the cor­ner of Spring and Mul­ber­ry.
Girl #1: Do you know the name of the place?
Cop: Maybe Lugi’s or Lom­bardi’s or some­thing, some wop­py Ital­ian name.

–Lit­tle Italy

Over­heard by: San Gen­naro Rev­el­er

Test­ing, Wednes­day One, Two, Three-Lin­ers

Prin­ci­pal, over PA sys­tem: At­ten­tion: We are test­ing out the PA sys­tem. If you don’t hear this, please call the of­fice.

–Pub­lic School

An­nounc­er on 6 train (which was be­ing held at the sta­tion): At­ten­tion ladies and gen­tle­men. (pause) Does this thing even work?

–Up­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Your Mom

Cop, over mega­phone from pa­trol car: At­ten­tion peo­ple in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legal­ly or il­le­gal­ly, please, va­cate the area. (a few min­utes lat­er, af­ter dri­ving around the foun­tain) Peo­ple in the foun­tain, don’t think we can’t see you…don’t use stargaz­ing as your ex­cuse be­cause there’s too much light pol­lu­tion!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: In the foun­tain

Con­duc­tor over PA: At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. Acts of pugilism are not al­lowed on this train.
(two min­utes lat­er) At­ten­tion pas­sen­gers. This is just a re­minder that acts of for­ni­ca­tion or fel­la­tio are not al­lowed on this train.

–Post Mid­night Drunk Train, LIRR

Over­heard by: Rob T Fire­fly

Ner­vous voice on build­ing PA sys­tem: Can I have your at­ten­tion, please? Can I have your at­ten­tion, please? Please dis­re­gard this mes­sage.

–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Look Ter­ri­ble in Neon Or­ange

20-some­thing woman to man: You’ve nev­er been ar­rest­ed? I have nev­er met any­one that has not been ar­rest­ed!

–Le Char­lot Restau­rant, Up­per East Side

An­gry guy on cell: If you ever send e‑mail to my fam­i­ly again, I will wait out­side your apart­ment door! (pause) I got ar­rest­ed! I spent Thanks­giv­ing in jail!

–11th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: Mis­sPinkKate

Man in US Cor­rec­tion­al Ser­vices jack­et to an­oth­er look­ing around hec­ti­cal­ly in a large crowd: Make sure we don’t lose him!

–Penn Sta­tion

Chub­by well-dressed black dude to skin­ny white geeky friends: Time in prison can be good for the soul!

–F Train

Over­heard by: Miss­Mae

Guy on cell: Yeah man, she’s like a young girl, and she’s dri­ving me nuts. It’s like al­ways a fight with her. I mean, she’s so young, yo… But yeah, I mean, she’s a sweet­heart. I mean, she’s a good girl. So young. Like, we’ve been to­geth­er for 7 months and that ain’t noth­ing to me, but to her it’s a big deal. And I’m all like, shit, I’ve been in jail for longer than 7 months, you know, so I don’t know what she’s bitch­ing about. I don’t need her to make me mis­er­able. I can make my­self mis­er­able.

–Metro-North Train

Over­heard by: Meaghan

Fran Dresch­er sound-alike: What’s wrong with you? Don’t ap­plaud, I’m go­ing to jail!

–Eight Mile Creek, Mull­ber­ry Street

Over­heard by: Adam Nathan

And Id­iot Is Not a Pro­tect­ed Class, So Watch Out.

Guy #1: Wow, they in­dict­ed five cops in that beat­ing last year in Shenan­doah.
Guy #2: Yeah, it was a hate crime.
Guy #1: The vic­tim was gay?
Guy #2: No, dude, he was Mex­i­can.
Guy #1: What? Since when is it a crime to be Mex­i­can?
Guy #2, af­ter pause: Every­one on this train thinks you are a fuck­ing id­iot, and I agree with them.

–Up­town 6 Train

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Too Ashamed to Wear Last Year’s Blah­niks

La­dy look­ing at an­oth­er wom­an’s Ro­man san­dals: I don’t like those Je­sus-lookin’ san­dals!

–The Vil­lage

Girl: Do flats make your butt look big?

–9th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Matt Mor­gan

Guy with faux-hawk: You know in Pee-wee’s Big Ad­ven­ture, af­ter he los­es his bike and every­one around him is rid­ing bi­cy­cles? I feel that way with high-tops right now.

–14th & 1st

Over­heard by: Heather

(trendy, skin­ny, Up­per West Side woman on side­walk is star­ing down at her feet and look­ing con­cerned)
Prep­py 30-some­thing boyfriend: I think your toes look bet­ter in those san­dals.

–86th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Sushene

Girl: My un­cle is gay, like, fly­ing-out-of-his-loafers gay.

–W 67th & Broad­way

Over­heard by:

Fe­male cop to two male cops: So he’s stand­ing there, re­al­ly well dressed, nice shoes, and all of a sud­den he pulls out this big, big (voice drops) bon­er, and says “Give me the shoes!”

–Con­ti­nen­tal Ave Sta­tion, For­est Hills