Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

And Today It’s Me

Man in full clown uniform: Come on, sweetie.
Lady friend in nice skirt, blouse, and heels: God, this is so awkward.
Man in full clown uniform: Look, I have to work hard so that at least one of us looks good.

–79th & Broadway

Overheard by: tickled passerbyer

A Typical Saturday Night for David Hasselhoff

Angry drunk yelling at man: Fuck you! Fuck your mother! I hope you die, you piece of shit!
Angry drunk’s girlfriend: Will you just calm down?
Angry drunk: No, fuck that! I hope he dies! I hope his mother dies! I’ll fucking go back in time and terminate his mother!
Brave stranger: (laughs)
Angry drunk: What the fuck are you laughing at motherfucker?
Brave stranger: Going back in time and terminating his mother.
Angry drunk: Well, okay, that is funny… I like that movie too. (pause) Fuck him, I hope he dies!

–Q Train

… So I Maced Him.

College girl: Whenever I tell anyone that I was there when you dislocated your shoulder they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were having sex.
20-ish guy: Hahaha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it happen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
College girl, excitedly: That’s exactly what my dad said!

–Riverside Park

Overheard by: Vicksburg

Two If We Get Arrested Again

Woman: Do you wanna go into those bushes and do it?
Man: Nah, we always fuck in Central Park. Let’s go to Washington Square.
Woman: Fine, but you have to buy me a funnel cake later.

–Central Park

Overheard by: Jimmy Dailey