Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

It Makes It Look Big­ger

Girl­friend: So, my Christo­pher is a lit­tle fem­i­nine some­times…
Boyfriend: I spent two hours shav­ing this morn­ing!
Dude: Yeah, but shav­ing what, is the ques­tion.
Girl­friend: Not that.
Boyfriend: No, that was yes­ter­day.
Dude, dis­gust­ed: I was talk­ing about your legs, but thanks…

–Her­shey’s store, Times Square

Over­heard by: equal­ly dis­gust­ed

Shows What You Know– My Girl­friend’s a Les­bian.

Street ven­dor: T‑shirts, get your “I love New York” t‑shirts! On­ly three dol­lars. Much bet­ter than you’d nor­mal­ly get at a store. T‑shirts, get your t‑shirts!
20-some­thing guy to girl­friend: Too ex­pen­sive, babe. Sor­ry.
Ven­dor to guy: Yeah, well your girl­friend can have one for free be­cause of how amaz­ing she was last night.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: i LOVE new york

I Am So Telling Her about the Lip­stick

Man: I love your mom.
Woman: What?! No you don’t!
Man: I al­ways speak well of her.
Woman: No, you don’t.
Man: I don’t say, ‘I gave your mom 20 bucks for a cab home last night.’ I don’t say, ‘Tell your mom to stop chang­ing her lip­stick — my dick looks like a rain­bow.’ I don’t say, ‘Af­ter meet­ing your mom, all my friends have her­pes.’ In fact, I don’t say any­thing rude at all.
Woman, cell ring­ing: It’s mom call­ing.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: Dave

… So I Maced Him.

Col­lege girl: When­ev­er I tell any­one that I was there when you dis­lo­cat­ed your shoul­der they ask if it’s my fault ’cause we were hav­ing sex.
20-ish guy: Ha­ha­ha! Yeah, me, too. I had one guy ask me, ‘Did it hap­pen while you were [pelvic thrusts] uh, uh, uh?‘
Col­lege girl, ex­cit­ed­ly: That’s ex­act­ly what my dad said!

–River­side Park

Over­heard by: Vicks­burg

Night Train, Thun­der­bird and Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Crazy hobo with gui­tar to stranger: Damn… you in­vit­ed a lot of peo­ple.

–1 Train

Hobo to young mar­ried cou­ple: I have found the promised land. Se­ri­ous­ly. I’d get a plane tick­et right now, but it’d be cheap­er to go to con­fes­sion for a week and then get hit by a bus. Re­mind me to tell you about this lat­er.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Oliv­er

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-some­thing girl walks past him, with busi­ness­man a few steps be­hind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thomp­son

Hobo, tak­ing do­na­tions to help the home­less, count­ing coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fist­ful of coins sticks in pock­et) Tax re­bate!

–Union Square