Archive for the ‘Couples’ Category

Night Train, Thunderbird and Wednesday One-Liners

Crazy hobo with guitar to stranger: Damn… you invited a lot of people.

–1 Train

Hobo to young married couple: I have found the promised land. Seriously. I’d get a plane ticket right now, but it’d be cheaper to go to confession for a week and then get hit by a bus. Remind me to tell you about this later.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Oliver

Grimy hobo: Hey, do you guys have any change? Hey, do you guys have any change?
(20-something girl walks past him, with businessman a few steps behind) Hey, do you guys want to have sex? Uh, I mean…

–W 3rd & Thompson

Hobo, taking donations to help the homeless, counting coins: 25…50…60… (grabs fistful of coins sticks in pocket) Tax rebate!

–Union Square

A Smorgashboard Of Wednesday One-Liners

Woman to man: I know! I don’t fry anything. I don’t even fry my food anymore.

–47th & 6th

Overheard by: A very disturbed Newsbunny

Old Jewish woman to husband holding restaurant leftovers: It’s a sin to waste that food. You could send it to Israel!

–Upper West Side

Overheard by: What a waste!

Preppy guy: At least *I’m* not the one molesting fictional cereal pitchmen.

–Park Slope, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ladle

Girl on cell, talking loudly: I don’t know what I want, but whatever I want, I want French fries with it.

–John St

Preppy girl on cell: Do they study eggs? (pause) Eggs! (pause) Do they study eggs?

–Times Square

Female new student to boyfriend: You have to stop with this whole burrito-is-a-dick thing.

–6th Ave & 13th St

Overheard by: Catie

Alice: I Could Go for Some Dwarfs

Husband: Geez! Alls you do is sit on your ass and play with the kids.
Wife: I’m sorry I am not Carol-freaking-Brady! We have six fucking kids and I still have no Alice! Give me a break and cook dinner your-fucking-self! The kids are eating PB&J — end of discussion.
Husband: The Brady Bunch was for me like Snow White was for you.
Wife: But the dwarfs here don’t whistle while they work. I still want Alice!
Husband: You always get the last word. I can’t top that! Dammit!

–Soho

Overheard by: Laura

And the Gypsies Just Aren’t Nabbing Them Like They Used to

Flustered woman, about her brood: Have we lost anyone yet?
Husband: Ummm… No.
Flustered woman: Well, who are we going to lose first? Because we haven’t lost anyone yet.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Josh

Headline by: Aeirlys

Runners-Up:
· “Because Abortion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” — Hillary Claire
· “Hobos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” — Krisztina
· “It Looked So Much Easier in Home Alone” — You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Until Fraulein Maria Came Along” — allison
· “Two Roads Diverged in the Woods — I Chose the One My Children Couldn’t Travel” — Drewp

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Dare We Ask about the “New Anal”?

Girl wielding pen: Sometimes I want to write on your face.
Guy: That’s okay. Sometimes I want to cum on your face.
Girl: Yeah, I know you do. I saw your porn collection.
Guy: So sue me. But look, I’m not talking about covering your face in jizz. Just a little on the side.
Girl: A little on the side?
Guy: Like on your cheek or the corner of your mouth.
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: You should. It’s only polite. Especially if you like me. It’s like the new swallowing.

–Fish Bar, East Village

Overheard by: John-John

And Now You Expect Me to Walk??

Girlfriend, exiting cafe: I told you you should have googled this place before we drove all the way here!
Boyfriend: I’m sorry. Let’s just go into the city! Bars are open until five there!
Girlfriend: You couldn’t entertain me in Brooklyn for half an hour. What are you going to do with me in the city until five?
Boyfriend: Walk up and down the city streets!

–Bedford Ave & 6th St