Archive for the ‘Coworkers’ Category

So Much for Learning by Osmosis

Receptionist of 30 years: Is ‘lawsuit’ one word or two?
Intern: Uh, I believe it’s two.
Receptionist, to herself: Lawsuit. Lawsuit. Lawsuit. It should be two. I always wondered why they called it a suit. It doesn’t wear a jacket or pants. Oh, but the attorneys do. Maybe that’s why — because the attorneys have to wear suits to court. Wow, I can’t believe I figured that out after so many years.
Boss, walking in from next office: So! Linda! Have you thought some more about the retirement package you were offered? –Law firm, Midtown

It's Like She Doesn't Think It's Our Business!

Waitress with thick accent: Jennifer Lopez, she pregnant again?
Hostess with equally thick accent: Yes, think so.
Waitress: She never tell anyone!
Hostess: I know, she keeps secret.
Waitress: She go on the talk show. They ask her all the questions. “Are you going to have a baby?” All she do is laugh. She just laugh! She never says anything! She never answers! –Lindy's Resteraunt Overheard by: Chloefron

And Correlate Them to Market Trends, Will You?

Female trader: Oh my god, I’ve been so busy lately.
Eager new hire: Is there anything I can help you with?
Female trader: Well, I’ve actually been too busy to read ABC blog* and XYZ blog* today. If you could write me up a summary, that would be great.
Eager new hire: Uh, sure. –Trading Floor Overheard by: PageSixisBetter

Wednesday One-Liners Put Them on One Leg at a Time

Boy to girl: Does it look like my ass is eating my pants? –Brooklyn Tech Overheard by: Julie Eight-year old girl: It’s not me, it’s the pants! It’s the pants! –81st & Roosevelt Ave Overheard by: Jobee Woman on cell: No. No. Absolutely not. Look, would you please put some pants on? –8th & Broadway Cop to his cop friends: My buns don’t look good in these pants. But hey, what can you do? It’s part of the uniform. –Times Square Shuttle Station Overheard by: Heather Girl on cell: Do you have to shit? Oh… So go in your pants! –Union Square Overheard by: Shira Incredulous thug to friend: You drop your pants to hop the train? –W. Houston & 1st Ave Overheard by: Jon A.