Archive for the ‘Coworkers’ Category

Which Is My Default Answer for All Issues Involving Men

50-something woman to coworker at Burger King: And he said, “Why you always coming in here, dressed up like you’re at the beach? What is that?” And I was like, “Yeah, please, put me on a real beach, in like Dominican Republic or something.“
Coworker: He probably just wanted to see you in your bikini.

–LaGuardia Airport

Overheard by: … But I know I wouldn’t

Wednesday One-Liners Are One Baaaad Mother– Shut Yo’ Mouth!

Cute JAP talking about all the stuff she gets: I don’t need a man, I have my mom.

–Rare View Bar

Overheard by: white guy

Blonde girl to male friend: Listen, John. Fifteen minutes, your mom. Fifteen minutes, your mom.

–R Train

Annoying 40-something new mom: A good mom always has a diaper in her pocket!

–Barnes & Noble, 18th & 5th

Overheard by: I Am McLovey

Coworker: I got a bootleg mother.

–Midtown

Window-shopping tourist to wife: Look, honey! It’s the dress your mother wore when they buried her!

–Union Square

Overheard by: CJ

Guy: I go over to the house for Mother’s Day and she yells at me for not calling her for Mother’s Day like my brother did. So I go outside and call her from my cell and say “happy Mother’s Day!” and she yells at me for being an idiot.

–37th & 7th

The Secret is Out!

A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer.

Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?

–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst

Wednesday One-Liners Hang Weird Shit on Their Mirrors

Cab driver, getting cut off: Yeah, drive like you want that cheeseburger!

–Columbus Circle

Cabbie: I got in some trouble and my wife threw all my clothes out of the house. I never realized how many clothes I have! I know New York streets better than my own closet! (laughs)

–Cab, Broadway & Houston

Cab driver to colleague who just honked after he stopped for a pedestrian: What, you want me to kill him?

–Battery Park

Middle Eastern cab driver: I used to have a video store in Washington Heights. But the black bastard put me out of business! Can you believe it? After ten years the black bastard put me out of business! Do you now the black bastard on Dyckman? C’mon! Everybody knows the back bastard! Black bastard! Black bastard video!

–Cab, Washington Heights

Overheard by: Gene Gray

Cab driver: When you drive for ten hours a day, you learn that over 50% of drivers are, how do you say it…stupid.

–Queens

Overheard by: Fiasco