Archive for the ‘Coworkers’ Category

The Secret is Out!

A Wendy’s employee, fresh off his break, pretends to be a customer.

Wendy’s Guy #1: Hello, sir. Welcome to Wendy’s. Can I take your order?
Wendy’s Guy #2: I want a Big Mac.
Wendy’s Guy #1: A Big Mac?
Wendy’s Girl: I don’t want a Big Mac but I want that sauce.
Wendy’s Guy #2: Yeah, it’s pretty good.
Wendy’s Girl: Isn’t it just 1000 island dressing?

–Wendy’s, Bensonhurst

“Don't Hate Me Because I'm Wednesday One-Liner”

Hobo to female passerby (singing): Pretty woman, walking down the street/Pretty woman, eating a hamburger…

–Wendy's, Union Square

Overheard by: Hungry Bystander

Salesgirl to another: You look pretty today…for a little Filipino girl.

–American Eagle, SoHo

Overheard by: Holly

Loud hobo walking through crowded train: Lots of beautiful ladies on this train. Beautiful white ladies. Beautiful black ladies. I like her hat. (turns to one shy-looking girl) Do you wear makeup? You shouldn't. You don't need it, you are so beautiful. If you have any makeup, just throw it away. Or send it to my girl, cuz she is ugly.

–Downtown 4 Train

50-something woman to pretty 20-something girl: I just wanted you to know that our husbands over there think you are one of the most beautiful girls they have ever seen. So now our husbands are going to have sex with my friend and I tonight. They may be thinking of you during, but thanks to you I am going to have an orgasm tonight, so thank you for being so gorgeous.

–Boat Basin Cafe

Overheard by: Megan W.

Guy on iPhone: You think because you're pretty you can get away with that shit. Well, you're wrong! You can get away with that shit because you're rich!

–Duane Reade, Columbus Ave

Overheard by: Veronica at http://everythingisused.blogspot.com/

What's More American Than Wednesday One-Liners?

Guy on cell: Come on, one third of Americans don't pay their taxes. I want to be one of them.

–7th Ave & Garfield, Brooklyn

Guy on cell: Does he know where he is? This is America–this is America. They makin' ice cream every second! I don't know what he's complainin' about, they got chains makin' food 24 hours a day…they even makin' milk on Christmas!

–NJ Transit

Overheard by: Tess

Obnoxious black guy to another: I was watchin' a special on tv last night talkin' about how gays can't be in the war! When they find out the whole America is gay, we're screwed!

–45th & 9th

Construction worker to another: Hell, I could break down George Bush in a debate. And I'm a fuckin' plumber! (pause) I hate my damn nation…

–Dunkin' Donuts, Astoria, Queens

Conductor: This is the r local to Continental… Forest Hills… Queens… USA!

–R Train

Overheard by: Mugsy's Moll

Testing, Wednesday One, Two, Three-Liners

Principal, over PA system: Attention: We are testing out the PA system. If you don't hear this, please call the office.

–Public School

Announcer on 6 train (which was being held at the station): Attention ladies and gentlemen. (pause) Does this thing even work?

–Uptown 6 Train

Overheard by: Your Mom

Cop, over megaphone from patrol car: Attention people in the park, we think you are all drunk. Whether legally or illegally, please, vacate the area. (a few minutes later, after driving around the fountain) People in the fountain, don't think we can't see you…don't use stargazing as your excuse because there's too much light pollution!

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: In the fountain

Conductor over PA: Attention passengers. Acts of pugilism are not allowed on this train.
(two minutes later) Attention passengers. This is just a reminder that acts of fornication or fellatio are not allowed on this train.

–Post Midnight Drunk Train, LIRR

Overheard by: Rob T Firefly

Nervous voice on building PA system: Can I have your attention, please? Can I have your attention, please? Please disregard this message.

–Third Ave & b/w 50th & 51st

Cue Neil Diamond

Cute but innocent 20-something: Guess where I'm going tonight?
Older female coworker: Oh, is tonight the night you're going out with the hockey team?
Cute but innocent 20-something: Yeah, I won a contest! I'm going to Pittsburgh on a bus with the Islanders.
Male coworker: And when you come back, you'll be a woman.

–Starbucks

Overheard by: Big Larry

Wednesday One-Liners Know How to Dicker

Little gangster kid: Yo, the last time I went fishing I got a fishing lure stuck in my dick.

–Prospect Park, Brooklyn

Hobo: Everybody’s somebody on my dick!

–Union Square

Overheard by: Rebecca

Girl, to male co-worker: Can you be a little more subtle and not such a dick-swinger about your Amstel Light?

–Conde Nast Bldg, 57th & 8th

Overheard by: Kenzi

Woman: At least I don’t suck dicks for free!

–Broadway and Putnam, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Tommi

Drunk college student: My redeeming factor is I will suck fucking dick to make money.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: dank

Guy on cell: Take it like a bowl of dicks.

–14th & 5th

Overheard by: Johnny Bonsanto

Fat guy: So I asked her, and she gave me her number, and then it was disconnected. So I went back the next week, and she wasn’t working there anymore. So I wondered, did she quit her job just to avoid sucking my dick?

–Bleecker & Sullivan

Overheard by: Caroline