Archive for the ‘Crazies’ Category

How Could This Not Work?

Odd-Look­ing guy: At­ten­tion, hu­mans. I am an an­gel. An Earth an­gel. I used to speak on be­half of Je­sus Christ, but I have been pro­mot­ed to be an an­gel on Earth, to teach oth­ers how to be­come earth an­gels. I can teach you how to be­come an Earth an­gel. I can on­ly teach fe­males.

–Down­town 6 train

Over­heard by: Shi­ra

Can’t…Look…Away…

Man: This looks like a good place!
Large woman, un­zip­ping her fly: I’ll prob­a­bly get ar­rest­ed for whip­pin’ the bitch out!

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: Kit­ty C.

Box­es and Box­es of Co­coa Puffs

Old woman: Have you seen Char­lie?
Guy: No..he said he was gonna check him­self in­to the hos­pi­tal, and prob­a­bly stay for a long time.
Old woman: Be­cause I have some food for him…Now Patrick, have you seen Char­lie? I have some food for him.
Old man: Char­lie done checked his­self in­to the psy­cho ward for two months.
Old woman: I guess I got­ta throw the food out then.

–Williams­burg

Over­heard by: Heiny Kleist

Hunter Has More of a Red Con­no­ta­tion

Crazy la­dy: Ex­cuse me! Girls, can you adopt a dog or a cat? You know that many an­i­mals need homes.
Chick #1: Oh, we’d love to, but we can’t have pets.
Chick #2: Yeah, our dorms don’t al­low an­i­mals
Crazy la­dy: Oh, you’re in col­lege?
Chick #1: Yeah.
Crazy la­dy: At the law school?
Chick #3: No, Hunter.
Crazy la­dy: I thought that Hunter was for the Blacks.

–23rd & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: Kait­lyn

Wednes­days Are Pro­found­ly One-Linered

Yan­kees fan to Mets friends: When we go to the Yan­kees sta­di­um I’ll be like a re­tard at a Chuck E. Cheese.

–Shea Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Da­nial

Po­lice of­fi­cer in van, on loud­speak­er: Move to the right! (peo­ple in cars ig­nore the or­der) Re­tards! You heard me! Move to the right!

–27th St & 10th Ave

Crazy guy, rant­i­ng: You can’t have sex with peo­ple who aren’t re­tard­ed be­cause they charge too damn much!

–V Train

Over­heard by: Ryan P.

Guy to girl: I nev­er said that I was­n’t re­tard­ed. Tech­ni­cal­ly, I’m not a hyp­ocrite.

–L Train

Over­heard by: Ju­lia

Heav­i­ly made-up girl: Do you think re­tard­ed peo­ple are, like, con­cep­tu­al­ly aware that they’re re­tard­ed?

–6 Train

Over­heard by: You tell me

Girl: The idea of a re­tard­ed Jack Rus­sell Ter­ri­er is com­plete­ly for­eign to me, be­cause as I re­call, Wish­bone was ex­cep­tion­al­ly well-read.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty