Archive for the ‘Crazy’ Category

And Wednesday Said, “Let There Be One-Liners.”

Guy on cell: Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Can you hear me? Suppose there is no god. (pause) Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

–Bus

Overheard by: Is God trying to tell you something?

Intense man, grasping woman's shoulders: God wanted me to, and I was ready to.

–Near Riverside Church, Morningside Heights

Overheard by: I wish I knew more

Guy, in awed tones, hearing "Le nozze di Figaro" through open window: It's like the voice of God…

–The Bronx

Overheard by: ground floor music lover

Crazy man: There is only one God. There is only one real deal. I can't afford sex anymore.

–Outside Penn Station

Overheard by: That took a turn

Wednesday One-Liners Go Through a Grey Period

Girl looking at garbage and dirt spilled on the sidewalk: Gross. You think it’s supposed to be art?

–Broadway & Houston

Literature professor: So anything that anybody ever painted was a Guido?

–NYU Silver Center

Plausibly mad septuagenarian clerk: When I was 16 Stravinsky bought my first painting. It was written up in the paper. A couple of days later, I was kidnapped.

–Barnes & Noble, Lincoln Center

Overheard by: Seth

Father to four-year-old son: Looking at art makes your legs tired.

–Metropolitan Museum Lobby

Philistine: I don’t like art in which you have to understand the motivation behind it.

–Outside the Guggenheim

Overheard by: Devoted Puppy

Professor-type man to group of teens looking at Greek sculptures: And if the sculpture’s back is up against the wall and you want to see it from behind, just get up against a wall and look at its ass as much as you can… yeah! It’s not dirty or wrong… Just look at its ass!

–Metropolitan Museum of Art

Also What Freshman Orientation Is Like at Cornell.

Girl #1: Ugh, Brooklyn Tech is so odd. But the kids are mad cool. We're all like demented nerds. It's your typical urban Brooklyn high school, but with super-genius kids. Super-genius kids that ain't right in da head. But ya know, we kick ass.
Girl #2: Damn straight! Dem otha kids got nuthin on us.
Boy: Yo, you guys are whack! No wonder you are here.
Crowd of kids: Word!

–DeKalb Ave

The Man Has Earned His Quarter

Decently dressed man, who doesn't look like he needs a quarter: Does anyone have a quarter? Does anyone have a quarter?
(no response, he sits down)
Decently dressed man, sounding like radio announcer: You're listening to power 105… Power 105… You've got the power… Power 105… Power 105…
(lights cigarette, and begins standing on one foot in center of car with his arms stretched out)
Little girl to father: Wow, daddy… He's good!

–6 Train

Overheard by: johnnytomatoes

People for the Ethical Treatment Of Wednesday One-Liners

Girl to guy: I don't think that hamsters respond to you as much as, like, a guinea pig does.

–Bank St. & Greenwich St.

Overheard by: Katie Compa

Crazy redneck-looking guy to PETA circus protester: They're gonna do to us what they did to the lions! We'll be put in concentration camps!

–Madison Square Garden

Overheard by: Santiago and Catie

Guy: And she can ride him like a horse!

–W 103rd St

Graying Brooklyn guy to another: You know, the only thing I haven't seen is a bobcat.

–7th Ave & 4th St, Brooklyn

Underclassman to another: Lizards can't impregnate anyone. They don't even have penises.

–Townsend Harris High School

Overheard by: amused

Drunk man in tiger costume to McDonald's worker: There's an escaped zoo animal and he wants to eat your pussy. Stop serving your food and hide! (then steals bowl of jams used for breakfast menu)

–McDonald's

Wednesday One-Liners Blame Their Mothers

CCNY student: I've always thought he has psychological problems. (pause) Like, he's one of those people that has to flip the light switch 17 times or the whole world dies.

–Hallway, CCNY

Overheard by: ladyliver

Suit on cell: She is trying to get a good education so that she can pay for therapy later on.

–1250 Broadway

Loud male customer counting out packets of chewing tobacco: One! Two! Three! Four! Five! Six! Ever since I quit my job at Sesame Street, I can't seem to live my life. Kermit is my shrink, so of course I'm screwed…

–Smoke Shop, Park Slope

Overheard by: Kiri

Dude hanging up his cell: Oh my god, I think all Jewish girls need therapy.

–Good Stuff Diner, 14th St

Overheard by: Kosi

Suit on cell: Dude, I know, but like, you either get help, or you're normal. (pause) No, dude, pick one, get help or be normal. Damn.

–Port Authority

Overheard by: Sarah

History teacher to class: Does that make you uncomfortable? Because I know I'm mental.

–Bronx High School of Science

Overheard by: Lillian

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