Archive for the ‘Crime and Punishment’ Category

If Paris Hilton Comes In­to Red Lob­ster, We’ll Dis­cuss It

Woman: Where are you from?
Tourist: We’re from Texas! Why, could you hear our ac­cents over there?
Woman: No, it’s be­cause in New York we know that you can’t bring dogs in­to restau­rants.
Tourist: You can’t?
Woman: No, you can’t. We work for the De­part­ment of Pub­lic Health. Con­sid­er this a warn­ing.
Tourist: Oh. I thought it was ok be­cause y’all are ok with Paris Hilton and all.

–Red Lob­ster, Times Square

Over­heard by: Lynne & Craig

I Bet She Had Some ‘Splain­ing to Do

Co­lum­bia guy: So then Car­o­line* de­cid­ed to take all of his valu­ables and hide them in the back room, to make it look like he’d been robbed. When he came home he, like, *freaked out* and called 911.
Co­lum­bia chick: That’s hi­lar­i­ous!

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Ein La­dle

Head­line by: Mikey G.

Run­ners-Up:
· “And Af­ter He Killed Her, He Pre­tend­ed to Do CPR!” — Je­sus­F­reak
· “And She Did­n’t Check the Psy­cho Box on Match.com” — di­grun­tled in­ter­net dater
· “He Did­n’t Like His Anal Rape-Themed Sur­prise Birth­day Par­ty Ei­ther…” — Beartram
· “I Bet the “Just Kid­ding Your Place Was­n’t Robbed Sex” Was Awe­some, Too.” — anon­mouse
· “Turns Out There’s No Spot For “Mas­culin­i­ty” on In­sur­ance Claim Forms” — Jamie

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

…In the 1800s

Girl: Oh my god, I just found out that my high school dra­ma teacher has been sleep­ing with the kid who’s the star in all of the shows.
Boy: Shit!
Girl: Yeah, I heard they’re both in jail now or some­thing.
Boy: That’s like the time that fam­i­ly in my town had those slaves.

–Crowd­ed El­e­va­tor, NYU

Over­heard by: con­fused

Try “Dog­gies for Drug­gies,” Sir

Young thug to AS­P­CA rep with Pit Bull: Yo, is that a Pit Bull? Can I get her?
AS­P­CA rep: Yes, she is up for adop­tion, her name is…
Young thug: Yo, that’s cool, cuz I like sell weed and shit, and I need a pit.
AS­P­CA rep: Uhh… (turns and walks away)
Young thug: I ain’t gonna beat her.

–Union Square, AS­P­CA Day

Over­heard by: Some­body should beat him.