Archive for the ‘Cum’ Category

Dare We Ask about the “New Anal”?

Girl wielding pen: Sometimes I want to write on your face.
Guy: That’s okay. Sometimes I want to cum on your face.
Girl: Yeah, I know you do. I saw your porn collection.
Guy: So sue me. But look, I’m not talking about covering your face in jizz. Just a little on the side.
Girl: A little on the side?
Guy: Like on your cheek or the corner of your mouth.
Girl: I don’t think so.
Guy: You should. It’s only polite. Especially if you like me. It’s like the new swallowing.

–Fish Bar, East Village

Overheard by: John-John

The Au Jus Of Wednesday One-Liners

11 year-old boy throwing water balloon back and forth: It’s like a hymen, perfectly intact after a minor rape! (balloon is thrown to him and bursts all over him) Oh, sweet hymen juices!

–Tompkins Square Park

Eight-year-old boy to another: God, just drink your spit!

–90th St & 2nd Ave

Drunk hobo with hand-down pants: I’m not going to ejaculate! (repeats it over and over)

–D Train

Overheard by: seat changer

Blind woman to blind friend: Sweaty people suck.

–W 23rd Street

Overheard by: Cool and Dry

Little girl: I don’t like boys! They’re mean and they sweat a lot!

–2nd & Ave A

Young girl to boy: Ewwww, I’m dripping cum!

–Hester & Allen

Overheard by: lower east side

A Few Sucky Wednesday One-Liners

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I’m 24 fucking years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that’s my business!

–Brooklyn

Overheard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, “accckkk… accckkkk” (makes choking sounds) Then you have a mouth fulla cum!

–Madison Ave

Overheard by: I.R.

50-something woman, screaming into cell: Listen, asshole, I’m not some cheap slut you can call whenever you need someone to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Station Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You better suck that juicy white cock, and get me that perfume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

I Didn’t Know I Was Wednesday One-Linered

Smoking man to another: I’ve heard being pregnant is really bad for your health.

–Columbia University

Overheard by: CS

Large black woman: An’ I been tellin’ him I got all these ideas for t‑shirts… Like one for a pregnant lady that says “Congratulations, you’re not the daddy!”

–BX12 Bus

Overheard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you’re pregnant? You’re pregnant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he didn’t come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let’s go get pregnant!

–Santos Party House, Lafayette St

Overheard by: alisa

Speaking of Which: Drinking out of Toilets? Fabulous.

Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll never ask. You do it by surprise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?

–21st St & 8th Ave

Overheard by: Manhattman

Wednesday One-Liners Live on a Steady Diet of Government Cheese

Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. America loves cheese. No, seriously, dude. America loves cheese!

–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-something guy singing while playing soccer: Bottles of cheese, bottles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Overheard by: i’d like a bottle of cheese

Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sandwich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Overheard by: Lindsay

Distressed female student: She’s such a hard grader! She’s like…a cheese grater.

–Queens College

Five-year old boy: But mummy, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Regis Hotel

Overheard by: Nonok