Archive for the ‘Cum’ Category

A Few Sucky Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Brunette woman yelling on cell: Look, I’m 24 fuck­ing years old. If I want to suck dick all day, that’s my busi­ness!


Over­heard by: Blank Slater

Girl on cell: First you go, “ac­c­ck­kk… ac­c­ck­kkk” (makes chok­ing sounds) Then you have a mouth ful­la cum!

–Madi­son Ave

Over­heard by: I.R.

50-some­thing woman, scream­ing in­to cell: Lis­ten, ass­hole, I’m not some cheap slut you can call when­ev­er you need some­one to suck you off, I have a job!

–Penn Sta­tion Taxi Line

Black man in phone booth: You bet­ter suck that juicy white cock, and get me that per­fume, bitch!

–7th Ave & 35th St

I Did­n’t Know I Was Wednes­day One-Linered

Smok­ing man to an­oth­er: I’ve heard be­ing preg­nant is re­al­ly bad for your health.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: CS

Large black woman: An’ I been tellin’ him I got all these ideas for t‑shirts… Like one for a preg­nant la­dy that says “Con­grat­u­la­tions, you’re not the dad­dy!”

–BX12 Bus

Over­heard by: shayshay

NYU boy on cell: Wait, you’re preg­nant? You’re preg­nant!? I thought you were just fat. (pause) But he said he did­n’t come in you, just on your face.

–Union Square

Woman to date: Let’s go get preg­nant!

–San­tos Par­ty House, Lafayette St

Over­heard by: al­isa

Speak­ing of Which: Drink­ing out of Toi­lets? Fab­u­lous.

Chick #1: … I don’t know…
Chick #2: Trust me — he wants it, but he’ll nev­er ask. You do it by sur­prise, and he’ll, like, cum all over you.
Chick #1: It just seems nasty.
Chick #2: Yeah, it’s nasty — that’s why guys like it! And I guess it feels good. I mean, boy dogs lick their own, right?

–21st St & 8th Ave

Over­heard by: Man­hattman

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Live on a Steady Di­et of Gov­ern­ment Cheese

Guy: I’m tellin’ you, man. Amer­i­ca loves cheese. No, se­ri­ous­ly, dude. Amer­i­ca loves cheese!

–Ace’s, 5th St & Ave B

Cute 20-some­thing guy singing while play­ing soc­cer: Bot­tles of cheese, bot­tles of cheeeeeeeeese…

–Prospect Park

Over­heard by: i’d like a bot­tle of cheese

Girl: I’d rather have a turkey sand­wich with cum on it than cheese.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Lind­say

Dis­tressed fe­male stu­dent: She’s such a hard grad­er! She’s like…a cheese grater.

–Queens Col­lege

Five-year old boy: But mum­my, I want goat cheese on my french fries!

–St. Reg­is Ho­tel

Over­heard by: Nonok

Wednes­day Re­al­ly Pumps Out the One-Lin­ers

Guy to fe­male friend: There’s a guy in the Howard Street fes­ti­val that ejac­u­lates like 20 feet.

–E 3rd St & 1st Ave

Guy: The world is my cum­rag!

–4th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Jor­dan Bruce

Woman on cell: Yeah, it was great. We man­aged to buy enough sperm for three kids.

–32nd & 5th Ave

Over­heard by: Matt

In­tox­i­cat­ed col­lege boy to friend: I don’t want to jism on a girl’s back…yet.

–Times Square

Over­heard by: watch­ing her back

Suit get­ting off train, turn­ing around and yelling: Was it se­men? (waves good­bye)

–1 Train

Over­heard by: hsw

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, Lit­er­al­ly

Man on cell, au­thor­i­ta­tive­ly: Ejac­u­late!

–14th b/w 3rd & 4th

Moth­er to cu­ri­ous lit­tle girl reach­ing out to touch Wall Street bul­l’s tes­ti­cles: No! (yanks her away)

–Bowl­ing Green

Woman shout­ing across a grassy field: Slut­bots!

–Mc­Car­ren Park, Brook­lyn

(in­ter­com beeps 10 times)
Train con­duc­tor, over in­ter­com: Shit.
(in­ter­com con­tin­ues to beep)

–Hud­son Line Train

Man on bike speed­ing along Brook­lyn Bridge walk­way: Pussy­hooool­lleeeeee!

–Brook­lyn Bridge

Qui­et, old­er gen­tle­man sip­ping cof­fee, leaf­ing through news­pa­per: Moth­er­fuck­ers!

–Barnes & No­ble Cof­fee Bar, Broad­way

Over­heard by: Suze V