Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

Like Being Pummeled by Thousands of Tiny Penises

Salesman demonstrating massager on self: It’s supposed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps massage your shoulders.
Middle-aged woman, unimpressed: What about that one?
Salesman, picking up new massager: This is a vibrator.
Middle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it operates using vibration — the first one’s called a percussion massager. It’s just a… different type of massager.

–Brookstone, Manhattan Mall

Overheard by: she didn’t buy either one

How Vanilla Ice Cream Becomes a Chocolate Milkshake

Man: This is no good. It’s sour. I want one that’s fresh.
Employee: I put ice cream and milk.
Man: I don’t care what you put in it. Maybe it’s the milk, maybe it’s the ice cream. You taste it, or bring out a manager to taste it, either way I want one that’s fresh.
Employee: You come tomorrow. Speak with manager. Change with him.
Man: So what am I supposed to do? Stick this in my ass until tomorrow?

–Baskin-Robbins, Bensonhurst

Overheard by: Jenn Milazzo