Archive for the ‘Customers’ Category

Jus­ti­fi­ably In­dig­nant?

White male cus­tomer: I want a small black cof­fee.
East In­di­an fe­male cashier: Do you want cream and sug­ar in that?
White male cus­tomer: No, I want it black.
East In­di­an fe­male cashier: Black?
White male cus­tomer, point­ing at pic­ture of black man in ad on the wall: Yes, black! I want it to look like that guy!

–Dunkin’ Donuts, 53rd & Lex

Over­heard by: next in line

Where Lawyers Come From

Spazzed cus­tomer: Yo, dude, I need some­thing to help me con­cen­trate. I have to take a re­al­ly big test and then I can for­get it all. I have to take the bar — have you heard of that? It’s for be­ing a lawyer.
Em­ploy­ee: Um, well, we have this herbal prod­uct to in­crease the blood flow to your brain.
Spazzed cus­tomer: Can I smoke pot with it?
Em­ploy­ee: Uh, sure.
Spazzed cus­tomer: Great. You take cred­it cards?
Em­ploy­ee: Yeah.
Spazzed cus­tomer: Great, thanks [leaves the store with­out buy­ing any­thing].

–GNC, As­to­ria

Why Tho­razine Is Con­traindi­cat­ed for Ser­vice Em­ploy­ees

Yan­kee fan: Yeah, I’ll have a grilled chick­en sand­wich and a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: Crispy chick­en sand­wich?
Yan­kee fan: No, grilled, sor­ry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: And you want­ed a Di­et Coke?
Yan­kee fan: No, a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Cashier: Oh.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Rachel W.

To­day, Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is a Woman.

Girl on cell: It just… It’s not like it sucks. (pause) It just sucks, ya know? I mean, I had my pe­ri­od this morn­ing, and I just wan­na get high.

–Bor­ough of Man­hat­tan Com­mu­ni­ty Col­lege

Over­heard by: 447ght

Cus­tomer, buy­ing two packs of Ko­tex: Next time you or­der these, you should get the kind with de­odor­ant. It re­al­ly makes a dif­fer­ence!

–112th St & St. Nicholas

Guy on cell: Dude! Guys don’t PMS!

–Port Au­thor­i­ty

Over­heard by: al­lie

Girl #1: I once made a Na­tiv­i­ty from fem­i­nine prod­ucts. (awk­ward si­lence) They weren’t used, though…

–Barnard

Over­heard by: Brook­lyn

Like Be­ing Pum­meled by Thou­sands of Tiny Penis­es

Sales­man demon­strat­ing mas­sager on self: It’s sup­posed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps mas­sage your shoul­ders.
Mid­dle-aged woman, unim­pressed: What about that one?
Sales­man, pick­ing up new mas­sager: This is a vi­bra­tor.
Mid­dle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it op­er­ates us­ing vi­bra­tion — the first one’s called a per­cus­sion mas­sager. It’s just a… dif­fer­ent type of mas­sager.

–Brook­stone, Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: she did­n’t buy ei­ther one