Archive for the ‘D-List’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Still Can’t Get Over Joey Pick­ing Pacey (That Dumb Bitch)

Girl on cell: We got Chi­nese ca­ble be­cause it was cheap­er than the cheap cable…Yeah, it’s all in Chinese…Whatever. As long as I watch things that I’ve al­ready seen, I don’t need to ac­tu­al­ly know what they’re say­ing.

–N train, As­to­ria

Queer, on cell: Have you seen Vic­to­ri­a’s boyfriend late­ly? He looks great. She’s bet­ter than Queer Eye for the Straight Guy.

–Eck­erd, As­to­ria

Moth­er, to kids: Sor­ry we just missed the fire­works, guys. It’s okay, though. I TiVoed it at home just in case.

–79th St en­trance, FDR

Tourist, af­ter ea­ger­ly strug­gling for cam­era air-time: You know what, Ma, I don’t think we’re gonna be able to watch this — it on­ly airs to­day.

–Tap­ing of the To­day Show, Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Stephen and Al­li­son

Girl: Well, to­day they had a woman who was born a man who mar­ried a man who was born a woman, so don’t shit on Mau­ry Povich!

–New York Pub­lic Li­brary

Over­heard by: Ac­tu­al­ly READ­ING at the Li­brary

Guy: Sweet Six­teen? That show makes me un­der­stand ter­ror­ism.

–114th & Broad­way

Can I Have Your Au­to­graph, Wednes­day One-lin­ers?

Old Jew­ess: That Suzanne Somers has some nerve. She is writ­ing an­oth­er di­et book. I have a friend who has read all her di­et books and every year she gets fat­ter and fat­ter.

–Mu­sic Box the­atre, West 45th Street

Frat­boy: She was like an ug­ly Paris Hilton, but not rich.

–C train

Over­heard by: nico­lette

Guy: I’m gonna beat you like an Olsen twin.

–68th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: An­drew Zar

Teen boy: Yo, I heard that Tu­pac was named af­ter a Jew­ish hol­i­day.

–Red Hook

Guy: Yeah, you know, that’s the great thing about the Kennedys: they get $1 off of every bot­tle of Scotch that they buy. You know, be­cause their dad was a boot­leg­ger and all.

–52 & Lex­ing­ton