Three-year-old boy, to dad: I'mma deck you in the balls!
Dad: I'ma deck you back!
Three-year-old boy: Well, it won't hurt!
–125th St & Lexington
Overheard by: Joyful
Archive for the ‘Dads’ Category
At the Back of the Store, Dad Made a Few Quick Purchases
Little kid pointing to box truck: Store!
Dad: Yes, that’s right. That’s a store.
–6th St, between Ave A & Ave B
Overheard by: epsd101
Looks Like Disney's Already Gotten Its Claws Into Him
Dad to four-year-old son: Hey, don't touch that! Don't pick up things off the ground here. I just saw a mouse.
Four-year-old son: You saw a mouse! You are so lucky! I always wanted to see one of those!
Dad, sighing: You don't want to see them, they are dirty.
Son: You're so lucky. Wow! A mouse.
–8th Ave & 14th St
Overheard by: Must not be from the village
Buying Me a MacBook Air Would Greatly Expedite That Process
Dad to sullen goth son: Are you okay?
Goth: I will be…someday.
–Midtown
And Your Mother Keeps Giving Birth to Human Children
Cute little girl: Daddy! Daddy! Come over here!
Large angry man: No! I want to see the monkeys!
–Central Park Zoo
I Just Gave Her a Rim Job While She Read Me Stories
Dad: I’m not sleeping with the nanny.
Son: Right, and I totally did not sleep with my fourth step-mommy.
–Gift shop, 42nd St
Overheard by: ears/wide/open
In a Comparative Religion Class in Ten Years, This Kid Will Raise His Hand and Humiliate Himself
Son: Daddy, what’s that?
Father: That’s the Watchtower.
Son: What do they do there?
Father: That’s where they teach people how to ring doorbells.
–B train, Manhattan Bridge
Overheard by: Meg
Wednesday One-Liners With Teardrop Tattoos
Tall thug to another: Yo,… I love jail food!
–Times Square
Overheard by: Never had it
Dad to overly excited daughter: Yes, you can tell your mom you went in the bouncy castle in front of the prison.
–Atlantic & Smith
Screaming four-year-old to mom: Are you going to put me in jail?
–Q Train
Young mother to baby, pinching his cheeks: Daddy's in prison! Prisonprisonprisonprisonprison!
–Jackson Heights, Queens
Overheard by: Giving up all hope Newsbunny
Oh, Dad! We Have Pills For That Now
Girl: So I’m finally going to tell that guy that I like him.
Father: What guy?
Girl: That really hot dude that took me to the prom.
Father: Oh, ok, good.
Girl: But it’s going to be really weird cuz this guy could have any woman he wants.
Father: Just hit him over the head, drag him in the house and don’t let him leave.
–A train
Overheard by: cave man style
…We Can at Least Make This an Educational Experience.
Adopted boy on PlayStation to gay father: Why can't we just get on this next bus?
Gay father: Noah, I told you, this bus doesn't go to where we want to go. Do you want to go stay at someone else's house? (under his breath) I'd like to send you to someone else's house…
Adopted boy: Ugh, well, how long do we have to wait?
Gay father: Until the next bus! C'mon, let's go wait in Hooters.
–Hampton Jitney, Queens
Overheard by: sarah