Four-year-old boy, pointing at giant inflatable rat: Look dad, a big rat!
Dad: Yeah, that symbolizes anti-union labor where the union employees aren’t being hired and companies are hiring non-union employees to work with them.
Four-year-old boy: What?
–28th & Broadway
Little boy, watching teen girl smoking: Why are people always smoking cigarettes?
Dad: Because they are addictive. That is why daddy quit. Do you want to tell the nice girl what will happen to her if she doesn’t quit?
Little boy: Well, first you’ll get really sick. And then you’ll die. (pause) And then you’ll be dead!
–15th St & 7th Ave
Overheard by: Nora Claire
Law student to little girl with pink balloon dog: I really like your balloon! It’s so pretty!
Girl’s dad: What do you say?
Little girl: Woof woof!
–79th & 2nd
Student: I feel like I’m drunk. Like when I was six.
–Middle School Dance, Spanish Harlem
Six-year-old girl: I drank beer once and I went crazy!
–Central Park
Dad, about his young son who has just run face-first into a chair: Don’t worry about him, he’s just drunk.
–Indian Road Cafe, Inwood
Overheard by: Rose Fox
Five-year-old boy: Next stop, wine store!
–University & 9th St
Seven-year-old: I want to take a year off.
Dad: You are not taking a year off.
Seven-year-old: But I want to party.
Dad: You cannot take a year off to party!
–83rd & Park
Dog owner to another: Dogs are funny. They’re like little retarded kids.
–Tompkins Square Park Dog Run
Guy on cell: She went from Debbie downer to Debbie Down Syndrome.
–62nd St & 2nd Ave
Overheard by: Timo Lipping
Dad: I thought she would like Carolina, so we took her to see four schools there. I asked her if she liked them and she said, “I liked the schools… But everyone there seemed slightly retarded.”
–W 54th St & 8th Ave
Overheard by: Johnny V.
Southern woman who just ran NYC marathon to Southern friend: Well, we can’t have a baby now because it would be retarded… because I’m 35, you know?
–Becco Restaurant, Theater District
Overheard by: mersayseh
Father, holding toddler son: Alright, I’m bored. Let’s go try and find some rats.
Toddler son: Oh! Rats!
–1 Train
Overheard by: John
College student: This is the best Barnes & Noble I’ve ever seen!
–Borders, Time Warner Center
Student: So, the author of the Tao Te Ching, Lao-low… Fuck it, we’re calling him L‑train.
–Eugene Lang College
Overheard by: Harker
Large woman with friends: Oh, girl, I got to tell you about this book I’m reading. It’s off the hook! They’re sending in this undercover agent, and I think it’s his sister, but he’s all getting ready to have sex with her!
–White Castle, 36th & 8th
Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster
Woman on phone: I was in Union Square, so I stopped in Barnes & Noble. (pause) Nigga, I can read!
–Union Square
Little British boy: Oh my goodness, dad, look! They have books on dating. How to Date? is probably like, “Don’t take her to McDonald’s!”
–Barnes & Noble
Overheard by: Laura
Tattooed artsy guy, putting hand on artsy Asian girl’s shoulder: I read your book and really liked it… lotta pissing, huh?
–Mott & Prince
Older man: You get on my nerves… You get on my nerves, and I do not want to be arrested for beating a child.
Kid, cheerfully: You won’t!
–Staples, Broadway & 184th St
Overheard by: prefers them over easy
Flustered woman, about her brood: Have we lost anyone yet?
Husband: Ummm… No.
Flustered woman: Well, who are we going to lose first? Because we haven’t lost anyone yet.
–Times Square
Overheard by: Josh
Headline by: Aeirlys
Runners-Up:
· “Because Abortion THIS Late in the Term Is Just Tacky” — Hillary Claire
· “Hobos Aren’t Born. They’re Made.” — Krisztina
· “It Looked So Much Easier in Home Alone” — You Don’t Want To Know
· “Things Were Shaky Until Fraulein Maria Came Along” — allison
· “Two Roads Diverged in the Woods — I Chose the One My Children Couldn’t Travel” — Drewp
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist
