Archive for the ‘Dating’ Category

“What do you mean, you’re an Av­er­age Joe?”

Woman #1: She had been dat­ing him for, like, two years and then she saw him on a re­al­i­ty dat­ing show last night. Now she’s go­ing break up with him.
Woman #2: Well, maybe the show was filmed be­fore they were dat­ing. You know, some­times those things take a while to get on the air.
Woman #1: They were go­ing out for 2 years! Don’t you think he should have at least men­tioned to her, “By the way, I was on a dat­ing show”?

–Du­ane Reade, 52nd be­tween Madi­son & Park

Over­heard by: Cap­tain Ob­vi­ous

My New Wife, Wednes­day One-lin­ers

Guy: Man, you think Lee Har­vey Os­wald had good aim? You should meet my wife.

–B train

Over­heard by: Jess Is­sacharoff

Woman: Her bridal show­er was her sweet six­teen.

–F train

Queer on cell: Hi, Sweetie!…What? You got mar­ried? But hon­ey, you’re gay!

–63rd & 3rd

Chick on cell: So did I tell you about the e‑mail I got? This guy I met on-line, on Nerve–we went out on like three dates, like a year and a half ago. Yeah, so I got an e‑mail from his wife and she was like, “Yo bitch, stay away from my hus­band.” So I wrote back, “Don’t e‑mail me, e‑mail your hus­band who’s been cheat­ing on you for two fuck­ing years.”

–33rd & Park

Teen girl: Yeah, he’s re­al­ly lone­ly since his wife died 3 years ago. Now his best friend is his right hand and some skin lo­tion.

–Park Slope

Guy: Hey, how’s my wife and your kids?

–55th & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Matt

Man on cell: I ain’t try­ing to see you noth­in’. I want to mar­ry you. I’m tellin you the truth. T‑R-U-F‑F. The Truth!

–At­lantic Av­enue gas sta­tion

Over­heard by: Megan

Gate agent: You need to lis­ten to me. Don’t lis­ten to your wife. Your wife does­n’t work here.

–Newark air­port

Over­heard by: jk