Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Sadly Not Beyond the Realm of Possibility

Kid presses call button on commuter hotline phone.

Father: Why did you do that?
Son: I’m sorry. I didn’t know what it was.
Father: If you do that again the police will arrest you.
Son: Really?
Father: Yes, George Bush will come and take you to jail.
Son: What?
Father: He will kill you and put your picture on the Wall of Memories [Ground Zero feature].

–World Trade Center PATH station

Wednesday One-liners Spell It “Aminals”

Grizzlies: ‘No, Really, We’re Good, Couldn’t Eat Another Bite, Thanks!’

Older woman: When I die, I’m going to be fed to the grizzlies.
Younger woman: What?
Older woman: I want my hands and feet cremated and put into St John’s Cathedral, and the rest of me I want made into steaks and fed to an endangered species. It’s not enough anymore to just give them money. You have to give them part of yourself.

–South End Ave

Overheard by: lino & wyja

NewsFlash: Hipster Is Copycat. Film at 11

Artsy girl: I cant believe you took my idea!
Bearded hipster boy: My cat died and so I can use it my way.
Artsy girl: But now everyone thinks it was your idea to skin the cat! And it was mine! Next thing you know, you'll be plucking the feathers out of birds and dipping them in blood!
Bearded hipster boy: Good idea, I think I will.
Artsy girl: Cunt!

–Outside Cooper Union School

Overheard by: jemma lower

We Can Spot Fake Wednesday One-Liners a Mile Away

Exasperated woman on phone: It's a phone interview! What does it matter what type of boobs I have?

–Office Building, 32nd & 7th

Overheard by: erkala

Girl, after guy accidentally hit her boob: Ow! You should be squeezing them, not hitting them!

–Toys R' Us, Times Square

Overheard by: Lotte

Upper West Side girl to friend: I hate that my boobs are so big! It completely ruins that skirt for me.

–Canal Street

Hobo: But I don't want to love my breasts!

–Ave B

Man on cell: So you're coming to New York? That's good. I called your mother, she said you're staying with some girl with big tits tonight.

–West 4th Street

Guy to another, while at lunch: I don't care if you think I live too fast and I'll be dead at 45. At least I'll die with a tittie in my mouth!

–Bryant Park

Overheard by: sal b