Guy: The train car smelled like a dead rat today, I swear.
Woman: I know. It stays in your nose. It’s like a dead body. When you smell rotting flesh, it stays with you no matter what you do. Same with skunk.
–Office, 35th & 8th
Archive for the ‘Death’ Category
Aw, It’s Just the President
Tourist #1 seeing police cars: Dude, what’s going on?
Tourist #2: I don’t know, but I want to find out. Like, is someone dead, or is Mariah Carey coming?
–105th & Central Park West
They Counted Last Year During That Scavenger Hunt
Drunk girl sitting on steps: The Hudson is better then the East River right?
Guy: What?
Drunk girl: Yeah, it definitely is… There's less dead bodies in it.
–Hudson River Boat Basin
And Be Eaten by Hippies from Minnesota
Fire truck loudspeaker to tourists blocking entrance: Please clear the area unless you want to end up as roadkill.
–WTC Site, Liberty Street
Wednesday One-liners Listen to Bauhaus
Guy: Dead girls? Come on. I’m afraid of real girls. Dead girls are even scarier.
–Park Slope
Overheard by: Carrie
Guy: …he’s still living that zombie-turtle lifestyle…
–14th between University & 5th
Overheard by: Joe Strike
Lady on cell: …so we were at this goth club and I moonwalked into someone…
–72nd & Columbus
Woman: I wouldn’t fit in this even if I was cremated.
–Macy’s
Overheard by: kathy duby
Man: If it wasn’t for his suicide, Terry and I would never have met.
–Rockefeller Center
Overheard by: Rick Segall
Hopefully Nowhere Inconvenient for Pedestrians
Hobo #1: Hey, man! I thought you were dead!
Hobo #2: Dead where?
–Washington Square Park
You Know They'd Cook With Transubstantiated Fats
20 year-old guy: What if the afterlife and hell exists? I mean if it does, there has to be a society because billions of people would be there by now.
Friend: Yeah…
20 year-old: So that's a lot of people, like a society has to emerge since there can't be that many demons and torturers. You would have like a McDonald's and people working there. (pause) But you could be working there, and it could be every day for an eternity.
Friends: That's so much worse than hell.
–New Jersey Transit, Port Authority Bus Terminal
Hokay, I No Steal
American guy: All the buildings in New York City are made with brick. No steel. So if there's an earthquake, we're all dead.
Foreign guy: No steel?
American guy: No steel. All brick. If there's an earthquake, we're all dead.
(foreign guy giggles hysterically)
–111th & Broadway
Overheard by: Ladle
Next Time Try It on a Goth Kid
Crazy old lady to young clerk: Whatsa matter, you don’t like old ladies? If I was forty years younger, I would eat you up like an, like an apple. [to older clerk] C’mere gimme a kiss. C’mon gimme a kiss. What are you, scared? I’d have you laying out in my funeral parlour in a pine box. What do you think if we skinned the knish? They’ll wrap you in sheet and ship you back to Yemen. You want to ride the bull with me? You’ll decide you love America.
–Grand & Bushwick, Williamsburg
Mr. Belvedere Left Us With a Huge Smile
Merchant Marine guy #1: Did you hear that there are like 75 swiss cheese deaths a year?
Merchant Marine guy #2: What? What do you mean?
Merchant Marine guy #1: It’s really rare, but sometimes there is a chemical reaction and the cheese blows up in people’s stomachs.
Merchant Marine guy #2: That has to be the worst death ever.
Merchant Marine guy #1: Or the best if the guy really loves cheese.
–LIRR