Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Wednesday One-liners Listen to Bauhaus

Guy: Dead girls? Come on. I’m afraid of real girls. Dead girls are even scarier.

–Park Slope

Overheard by: Carrie

Guy: …he’s still living that zombie-turtle lifestyle…

–14th between University & 5th

Overheard by: Joe Strike

Lady on cell: …so we were at this goth club and I moonwalked into someone…

–72nd & Columbus

Woman: I wouldn’t fit in this even if I was cremated.

–Macy’s

Overheard by: kathy duby

Man: If it wasn’t for his suicide, Terry and I would never have met.

–Rockefeller Center

Overheard by: Rick Segall

You Know They'd Cook With Transubstantiated Fats

20 year-old guy: What if the afterlife and hell exists? I mean if it does, there has to be a society because billions of people would be there by now.
Friend: Yeah…
20 year-old: So that's a lot of people, like a society has to emerge since there can't be that many demons and torturers. You would have like a McDonald's and people working there. (pause) But you could be working there, and it could be every day for an eternity.
Friends: That's so much worse than hell.

–New Jersey Transit, Port Authority Bus Terminal

Next Time Try It on a Goth Kid

Crazy old lady to young clerk: Whatsa matter, you don’t like old ladies? If I was forty years younger, I would eat you up like an, like an apple. [to older clerk] C’mere gimme a kiss. C’mon gimme a kiss. What are you, scared? I’d have you laying out in my funeral parlour in a pine box. What do you think if we skinned the knish? They’ll wrap you in sheet and ship you back to Yemen. You want to ride the bull with me? You’ll decide you love America.

–Grand & Bushwick, Williamsburg

Mr. Belvedere Left Us With a Huge Smile

Merchant Marine guy #1: Did you hear that there are like 75 swiss cheese deaths a year?
Merchant Marine guy #2: What? What do you mean?
Merchant Marine guy #1: It’s really rare, but sometimes there is a chemical reaction and the cheese blows up in people’s stomachs.
Merchant Marine guy #2: That has to be the worst death ever.
Merchant Marine guy #1: Or the best if the guy really loves cheese.

–LIRR