Little girl, happily: And that’s why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why’s that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!
–City Hall
Little girl, happily: And that’s why I want to die.
Father, laughing: Why’s that?
Little girl: So I can join the Grateful Dead!
–City Hall
Woman with dalmatian, stuck on island mid-crossing: We don’t want to get killed on Park Avenue! We need to go to Fifth Avenue!
Dalmatian: [Silent.]Woman: Fifth Avenue only!
–92nd & Park
Old man: I like your outfit.
Old woman: Thanks, I wore it at a funeral last night.
–Morris Park
Overheard by: Lon Steinberg
Hermit-looking man at bakery counter: Euhh… Yes, I want cake. One will say “Kenny’s dead.” No! Wait! One will say “I killed Kenny, and I’m not sorry!” And the other will say… it will say, “Obama is my homeboy!“
20-something hipster girl, staring at man: Are you… for real?
Hermit-looking man: Yes, sweetie.
20-something hipster girl: You… you win at life, sir.
–167th & Broadway
God freak: The Christians are praying and not killing. The Christians only kill once in two thousand years, or maybe a thousand years. Three hundred years. God will forgive you for killing a hundred men, but he will kill you because of the radio.
–R train
Chick on cell: You murdered him? Oh… you didn’t. Well that’s good. It would have been bad for your image.
–Central Park
Overheard by: Laura
Dude: Yo, don’t be so angry while I kill everyone.
–GWB Terminal, 175th St
Bean-Lover: And I said, “Yo, bitch, I kill you for a can o’ pinto beans.”
–10th St & 1st Ave
B&T girl: I want that exact kind of relationship. Except for, like, the whole mass murdering thing.
–Knitting Factory, Leonard St
Professor: Why kill yourself when you can just steal someone else’s idea?
–Hunter College
Overheard by: acep & arielle
Woman on cell: Do you know how many executions I’ve been to over the last year?…5.
–Central Park
Overheard by: MC
Drunk Guy: That girl’s tits are huge! And it’s snowing!
–Fordham
A man on a tandem bicycle turns to the woman on it and says: You know, it’s remarkable just how much like weddings funerals actually are.
–Varick Street
Overheard by: Sparkle Shortz
Professor: So there’s this study that says that left-handed people have lower evolutionary fitness.
Student: Does that mean that we’re doomed because the President is left handed?
Professor, without missing a beat: No, it just means he’s going to die.
–Columbia University
Radiology nurse: I have been asked out before. But never while giving a barium enema!
–Radiology Medical Office, Brooklyn
Overheard by: Paper
Doctor on cell: I have to get oriented as to the location of those cadavers!
–3rd Ave, Near Cabrini Medical Center
Older doctor to younger doctor in a group: You actually tried to get a dermatology consultant to come in the middle of the night? That was pretty dumb. You know those guys wouldn’t get out of their Shea butter body wraps unless the world was ending.
–Kings County Emergency Room
Suit to lady friend: If you really wanted to smoke crack you’d go to the hospital!
–Nassau St & Ann St
Overweight girl to female friend: Wanna play gynecologist?
–St. Mark’s Place
Overheard by: Sarah Booz
Conductor (after a few minutes waiting at signal): One of those trains better hurry it up and move it, I have better things to do.
–N Train
Conductor: Across the platform is an express 3 train. The doors are open, you can make it. Go for it! Go! Catch that train! (after a few stops) There is an express 2 train across the platform. You will make it. You will not miss it. You will make it.
–1 Train
Overheard by: motivated
Cheerful conductor: Welcome to the station formerly known as Prince!
–R Train
Conductor: We are now arriving at Grand Central. This is our final stop. We’re six minutes early, so now you can’t say anything bad about us.
–Metro North Train
Overheard by: Angela
Conductor: That is a 1 train and all trains are running express. Another local won’t run til 5 am Monday. You can wait but we don’t serve dinner or breakfast, and I’m all out of sleeping bags.
–1 Train
Overheard by: Steve
Conductor: Ladies and gentlemen, the train’s emergency brakes have been activated for some reason. The train operator is going to walk around the train and check if there’s a…body, or something, under the train. After that, we’ll be able to move!
–C Train
Overheard by: Patient Passenger
Train conductor: Last call for the 10:00 local…last call! Get on the train cause away we go, and it’s 10, 9, 8, 7, 6, 5, 4, 3, 2, 1…blastoff!
–Metro North
Overheard by: to mount kisco, and BEYOND!
Blonde seventh grader, about Holocaust: Yeah, like, I’m Jewish on my mom’s side, you’re Asian. So, basically everyone in our class would have died from the Nazis.
Asian seventh grader, to other friend: Except for Laura.
Laura: What? Why?
Asian seventh grader: Because you’re white.
Laura: I’m not white! I’m like… Pinkish or something.
–93rd St & Amsterdam
Hat Tip 🎩 to The Marketing Scientist