Archive for the ‘Death’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Get a Reltney

Hipster girl: And he's always like, "oh god, I'm so hard!" and I'm always just like, "really?"

–Kimmel Cafeteria, NYU

Loud passenger: I'm so horny I'd fuck a potato right now.

–Metro-North

Overheard by: fingerling

Guy: I've had a hard-on all day! I need to polish my lid.

–Hard Rock Cafe

Bearded hipster to another, on blanket in the park: Like, I could have sex eight times in a day and still come here and get a boner.

–McCarren Park, Williamsburg

Overheard by: kalbijim

Girl to guy friend: Did you just get a boner while we're talking about Mexicans and drowning?

–Williamsburg

I’m Thankful I’m Alive

An unofficial memorial is covered with flowers, candles, cards and candy.

Drunk girl #1: Hey, who wants a Blow Pop?
Drunk guy: Um…I dunno.
Drunk girl #2: Don’t. It’s bad luck to take candy from the dead.
Drunk girl #1: …Yeah, I guess you’re right.

–3rd between A & B

Overheard by: The Vouk

Girl: Don’t die while I’m gone, okay?
Guy: Why not?

–66th & Columbus

And She Shows Up for It

Girl #1: Where was Liz last night?
Girl #2: Oh, you didn’t hear?
Girl #1: Hear what?
Girl #2: She went to her boyfriend’s grandmother’s 82nd birthday!
Girl #1: Oh, that’s sweet. Why are you so upset by that?
Girl #2: Her boyfriend’s grandmother died four years ago! Apparently the family has been celebrating it every year! They have a cake with candles and everything.

–16th & 7th

Wednesday One-Liners Hear the Call of Cthulhu

Hobo to teen girl with red hands: Wow, your hands are so red. You must have a condition. Yeah, that’s what it must be, a condition. You know, I have a condition, too. I’m a werewolf.

–4 train

Girl: Jewish lesbians? Are you kidding me? They don’t exist. That’s like vampire cowboys.

–16th St & Park Ave South

Overheard by: C-Star

30-ish alternaguy: No, man, he was like a mer-wolf… You know, like a mermaid and a werewolf in one.

–Spring & Lafayette

Hot blonde: But we really are just male elves with long hair and boobs!

–140th & Broadway

Overheard by: Three-Headed Monster

Dude on cell: Yeah and then she started whinnying in excitement right on top of me, like a fucking unicorn or some shit… Yeah, I guess it was pretty hot.

–Fordham University

Overheard by: Shane

Small, excited Mexican child: Is it zombies? I know — it’s the Grim Reaper!

–D train, 36th St atation

Overheard by: Jon A.

Rest in Peace, Wednesday One-liners

Anorexia on cell: Oh, she died? From what?…Oh, that’s horrible. Well, everyone has to die somehow.

–Coffee shop, Madison & 79th

Overheard by: Julz

Cab driver: Are you trying for die, bitch?

–Taxi, Houston & Broadway

Overheard by: Aaron Brumer

Girl on cell: …and they took me to a psychic and the psychic said I’m, like, dead inside and that I have nothing going for me.

–Broadway & Broome

Guy: I’ll tell you what: I’ll kill myself, you don’t have to bother.

–47th & 5th

Woman on cell: Girl, you know I only gotta do two things: stay black and die. And I’m doing that real well. Staying black, I mean.

–Karavas Place ladies’ room, W. 4th Street

Girl: Oh, so I forgot to tell you about my ex who died last year. He drowned…this is a good story.

–World Financial Center

Privacy Maniacs