Four-year-old boy: You're so mean to me, mama!
Mom: Yeah, I get that all the time.
–Commodities Natural Market, 10th St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: Richelle
Archive for the ‘Default’ Category
But That Gear Shaft Totally Consented
Drunk middle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don't think…
Drunk middle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jersey all have computers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he wasn't even doing anything!
Drunk middle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk middle-aged man #2: They said I was driving erotically.
–NJ Transit
Less Pussy, More Bitchy
Dude: Is this a petting zoo sort of thing?
Chick: No. It’s a dog park sort of thing.
–Union Square dog park
Overheard by: tanechka
How to Make a Student Yearn to Discuss Polynomials
Female tutor: Okay, so do you want a soy hot chocolate?
12-year-old student: No, that tastes funny.
Female tutor: So you want cow milk, eh? How would you feel if you were hooked up to a machine all day giving milk?
(student is silent)
Female tutor: You know it's breast milk right?
Student: Yeah.
Female tutor: Moooooo moooooo. (makes suckling noise.) Moooo moooo! (Makes suckling noise)
–Hopscotch
Overheard by: bildita
And Willing to Share Her Meth
Guy: So, Rob slept with that trailer trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-looking one. You don’t think she looks like total trailer trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trailer trash oozing out of her fucking pores!
Guy: So why were you talking to her half the night?
Girl: Whatever. She was really nice.
–Terrace table, Blue Water Grill, Union Square
Overheard by: ebizzle
Do You Think He’d Be Interested in Writing a Song About It?
NYU boy: Hey, Adam Duritz from Counting Crows is outside Hayden on his cell phone!
NYU girl: Uh, well.. I almost got killed by a fucking snow globe!
–Washington Square West
Does Checking Make You More or Less of a Loser?
High school-age Jersey girl: So I went on my ex-boyfriend's Facebook, since his birthday was last week. Only like 30 people wrote on his wall to wish him happy birthday.
Friend: Oh my god. What a loser!
–NJ Transit Terminal, Penn Station
Overheard by: Ashley
Ugh, I’d Prefer the AIDS
Russki #1: You can have my girlfriend.
Russki #2: I don’t want your girlfriend, she has AIDS.
Russki #1: Use a condom.
–Staten Island
Overheard by: R
Don't Overthink It, You'll Ruin Him
Guy with Mohawk drinking a beer: That guy over there is half Asian and half black.
Friend in skinny jeans: That's so postmodern!
–The Cock, 2nd & 2nd
Overheard by: Trevor From Seattle
We’re Sure There’s a “Brazilian Rainforest” Joke in Here Somewhere
Student #1: She’s from the Dominican Republic, right?
Student #2: Um, yeah, I think so.
Student #1: Is she classy…?
Student #2: Eh, not really, no. At the meeting the other day, she was wearing a skirt. I could see her cooch.
Student #3: [Just joining the conversation] What’s a cooch?
[Silence.]Student #1: Her vagina.
Student #2: Her forest. Except it was barren. There were no trees. Barren.
–Columbia University