Whole Foods employee #1: Yo man, do you know if we have any Kanye pepper?
Whole Foods employee #2: Nah, I think we’re out.
–Whole Foods, Union Square
Overheard by: Darling Pinky
Archive for the ‘Default’ Category
Why the Hell Am I Always in Line with You?
Man #1: You know that saying about how if you teach a man to fish, he can fish?
Man #2: Yeah.
–Grand Central Station
Swedish Fishiness
Guy behind line of girls into the women’s bathroom: Whoa!
Girl: Hey! You can’t come in here!
Guy: It’s okay, I’m Swedish – I’m practically gay.
–Madison Square Garden
The Earth Got So Fat That Nobody Loves It
Boy: When I was little I used to think that if the planet got heavy enough, it would start to fall.
Friend: You must have been pretty smart to even think that when you were a little kid.
Boy: But what if I still think that?
Friends: Then you’re a dumb ass.
–C Train
Overheard by: Rafael DaSilva
Oh, Come On– Your First-Graders Aren’t That Bad.
Asian woman #1 (reading ad for tv show): This looks kind of like Dynasty. You know, rich people stabbing each other in the back.
Asian woman #2: Oh, please. Look – the whole cast is white. I see conniving white people all day at work: why watch them again when I get home?
–4 Train
Overheard by: Iris K.
The Way He Keeps Drop-Kicking My Emotions…
Nerdy chick: Yeah, but when it comes to in-tangible objects, he’s really irresponsible.
–Fort Tryon Park
Thus Restoring the Natural Balance of the Universe
Girl #1: Did you hear Nicole has to be topless?
Girl #2: That’s okay, I’m a nun!
–9th & Broadway
Wednesday Wears the One-Liners in This Family
Southern tourist in pink pants: I don’t see anybody else wearing pink pants around here!
–73rd & Broadway
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Girl on cell, wearing leggings and a t‑shirt: Oh, shit, I forgot to put on pants again.
–Columbia University
Lady in corner stall: Damn, I done sweated through my pants!
–Restroom, 1 Liberty Plaza
Smug girl to gaggle: No, these are my period pants. My mom washed them for me!
–Columbia University
Overheard by: bih.
Thug: I’m the only playa in the hood with his pants on his waist!
–10th & Ave B
Overheard by: Kayla K
Conductor over intercom: Attention, all crew members! Be sure you have your pants! Hey, Larry, you got yo’ pants?
–Penn Station
Overheard by: Geologist
I Looked Into The Abyss, and It Shit Itself
Geek: Well, she was dog-sitting and the dog died. The family, I guess, was someplace where they couldn’t get home, so she had to take care of it.
Dude: Take care of it?
Geek: Well, she was in Boston but didn’t have a car and didn’t know what to do with it because she couldn’t carry it, so she put it in a rolling suitcase to take it to the vet. On her way there, some guy saw her struggling with the bag and offered to help her carry it. When they were almost to the vet he asked what was in the bag, and, because I guess she didn’t think she could tell him that there was a dead dog in the bag, she said, ‘Electronics!’ Apparently, he looked at her, looked at the bag, punched her in the face, and ran off with the dog! Can you fucking believe it?! He stole the dead dog!
Quiet friend: … Did she have a black eye?
Dude: I can’t wait to talk to her when we get back to Boston so I can make fun of her! [Later…] I swear to God, if some girl I was fucking got knocked up, I would kill myself. Well, I would kill myself and then I would punch her in the face… Fuck, if she got pregnant, I would tear that baby out with a fork!
–Metro-North, New Haven line
Buns as Soft as Yours Deserve the Hardest Salami I Can Give You
Middle Aged Woman: I’d like to get some hard salami, but I’d like to see it first.
Serious Deli Man: You would like to see my hard salami? [goes to get it and brings it out to show her]Woman: Is it very hard salami? How hard is the salami?
Serious Deli Man: Ma’am, I don’t think it is hard enough for you.
–Fairway Market
Overheard by: Jen
