Archive for the ‘Default’ Category

Next Time Im­pede the In­ves­ti­ga­tion in Finnish

[Pa­trol car flash­ing lights at curb. Small group of high-school­ers cor­ralled against wall]Police of­fi­cer: So what hap­pened –what did you see?
Sharp teen: No hablo in­glés.
Of­fi­cer, in per­fect Span­ish: En­tonces, que pasó? Qué viste?
Smart teen: No hablo es­pañol!

–85th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: Christo­pher Stone

You May Need to Ex­fo­li­ate and Mois­tur­ize

Teenage girl #1: Ew, I have such bad dan­druff. I need to like get rid of it be­cause I can nev­er wear black.
Teenage girl #2: Ew I know, me too! Ex­cept I have crotch dan­druff.
Teenage girl #1: Umm… What’s that?
Teenage girl #2: I don’t know but every time I scratch my crotch it looks like it’s snow­ing.

–A Train

Over­heard by: Does that mean she can’t wear black pants?

To­day It’s a Lol­ly. To­mor­row It’s a BMW

(wait­ing in line)
Four-year-old kid: Mom­my, I re­al­ly want a lol­lipop!
Mom: Uhuh, move up here hon­ey.
Kid: Mom! Just give in, I want a lol­lipop, okay?
(moth­er ig­nores him)
Kid: Just give in, it’s okay, I want one. It’s okay to give in, mom.
(pause)
Kid: Mom, this is­n’t go­ing to work for me! I want a lol­lipop!
Ran­dom guy in line: Re­sist!

–As­so­ci­at­ed Su­per­mar­kets, Bleeck­er & La­Guardia

Over­heard by: Caitlin­is­NewHere

But That Gear Shaft To­tal­ly Con­sent­ed

Drunk mid­dle-aged woman #1: Yeah, but I don’t think…
Drunk mid­dle-aged woman #2: The cops in the state of New Jer­sey all have com­put­ers in their cars. They pulled him over, and he was­n’t even do­ing any­thing!
Drunk mid­dle-aged man #1: Well, what did they say to you?
Drunk mid­dle-aged man #2: They said I was dri­ving erot­i­cal­ly.

–NJ Tran­sit

How to Make a Stu­dent Yearn to Dis­cuss Poly­no­mi­als

Fe­male tu­tor: Okay, so do you want a soy hot choco­late?
12-year-old stu­dent: No, that tastes fun­ny.
Fe­male tu­tor: So you want cow milk, eh? How would you feel if you were hooked up to a ma­chine all day giv­ing milk?
(stu­dent is silent)
Fe­male tu­tor: You know it’s breast milk right?
Stu­dent: Yeah.
Fe­male tu­tor: Moooooo moooooo. (makes suck­ling noise.) Moooo moooo! (Makes suck­ling noise)

–Hop­scotch

Over­heard by: bildita

And Will­ing to Share Her Meth

Guy: So, Rob slept with that trail­er trash chick last night.
Girl: Holy shit! Which one?
Guy: The meth-head-look­ing one. You don’t think she looks like to­tal trail­er trash?
Girl: Oh my god, she had trail­er trash ooz­ing out of her fuck­ing pores!
Guy: So why were you talk­ing to her half the night?
Girl: What­ev­er. She was re­al­ly nice.

–Ter­race ta­ble, Blue Wa­ter Grill, Union Square

Over­heard by: ebiz­zle