Old lady #1: Well, then my grandson and his friends went over to Hooters. You know, Hooters the restaurant? Do you know what hooters are?
Old lady #2: Big boobies?
–Guy & Gallard Deli, 6th & 37th
Overheard by: Michelle S.
Archive for the ‘Delis’ Category
“Fuck Your Mother” Is Practically a Good-Guy Mantra
Young thug #1: Everyone is getting tattoos! Everyone!
Young thug #2: Like who?
Young thug #1: Dave. He just got another tat. I want a tat!
Young thug #2: So, why don’t you get one?
Young thug #1: I can’t… (whispers) My mom won’t let me.
Young thug #2: Shit, nigga, fuck your mother. You can get a tat and be a good guy. I’m a good guy. My record is sealed!
–Deli, Park Slope
Wednesday One-Liners? Kinky!
300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s into that kinky downtown shit.
–14th St & 6th Ave
Overheard by: bastardo
Loud upstate girl: I think…doin’ any kinda research inta furries? You’re in trouble.
–Hudson & Houston
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Hoochie: I mean, you gonna handcuff me, then handcuff me. But, you know, when I gotta go do my shit, I gotta go.
–1st St & 1st Ave
Overheard by: stephie
Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve totally got a cold too! But I’ve also got bondage tape. And a cell phone activated vibrator.
–Ouidad salon
Overheard by: Wild Dog Boy
Suit to another, while having lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from behind.
–Central Park
Guy at table: You know, she’s a quality girl, even when I was in handcuffs, I could tell that she was a quality girl.
–Carnegie Deli
Overheard by: Spazz
What Passes for Exceptional Customer Service in This Town
Customer at deli called “Bagel”: So, do you serve bagels here?
Waitress: No, we actually serve sports gear, but the models next door sells bagels.
–Bagel Deli
Overheard by: Amanda
The Key Is Not to Act on the Thought
Deli clerk to mother with spoiled child: You should pull a Chris Benoit on her!
Mother: I thought about it.
–Silver Star Meat Market, Nostrand Ave
…And a Milkshake, Please.
Woman in store: Let me get a bacon and cheese on a roll.
Deli guy: Okay, bacon egg and cheese on a roll.
Woman: No eggs! I have high cholesterol, I’m trying to stay away from that… Just bacon and cheese on a roll, and put some mayonnaise on it. (mutters under her breath) Pshhh, eggs, you tryin to kill me with high cholesterol.
–Lafayette Ave & Broadway
Wednesday One-Liners, from the Redwood Forest to the Gulf Stream Waters
Very heavy ten-year-old boy, yelling excitedly: I heard they have bacon flavored popcorn in Florida! I love the south!
–Flushing, Queens
Hipster girl on cell: The entire state of Mississippi isn’t a complete waste of space, even though it seems like it right now.
–Atlantic & Smith, Brooklyn Heights
Wino, grabbing can of beer: Here’s 15 cents. I’ll get the rest of it for you today. I promise! I’m from Georgia, I know how this shit works!
–Deli at 33rd & 7th
Overheard by: EthanK
Loud girl to friend: Maria? Maria’s not dead, Maria’s in Virginia?
–BxM10 Bus
Overheard by: bxgirl
Girl to boyfriend: I mean, when someone says they’re throwing an “Iowa State Fair”-themed wedding, you don’t think twice about going!
–30th Ave, Astoria
She Should Give Her Mouth a Rest…or Use It More
Chick #1: …so we fucked and then he didn’t call.
Chick #2: And you’re surprised? This is the third guy in 2 weeks who hasn’t called.
Chick #1: I know, but why don’t they ever call?
Chick #2: Probably because–don’t hate me for this, k?–but you’re kind of easy.
–Garden of Eden, 14th Street
Oh, a Bonobo?
Girl: If you were an animal, what would you be?
Boy: Fabulous?
–Balducci’s
Overheard by: That’s not an animal
Wednesday Funbag-Liners
Teenage girl: Ohmigod. Doesn’t she know that the “having big boobs” thing is, like, not in anymore?
–86th St
Overheard by: Kevin
Girl to another: It splashed on my boob… Then he slurped it off!
–Charles & 4th
Overheard by: Eric
20-something guy, singing: I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna touch some boobs. I wanna find my motherfucking sock, ’cause I don’t know where it is. I wanna touch some boobs…
–Pratt Institute
Angry hobo to college chick with big boobs zipping up her jacket: Don’t put them titties away!
–5th & 21st
Elderly woman to husband: I keep my business in my bosom!
–Carnegie Deli
