Archive for the ‘Delis’ Category

We’re All Nine Meals Away from Be­ing Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Black hobo to rush-hour crowd: So, did ya’ hear now Oba­ma’s pres­i­dent they gonna tear down the Stat­ue of Lib­er­ty? Yeah, they gonna put up a new statue–one o’ Aunt Jemi­ma!”

–Shut­tle Train GCT

Over­heard by: Mrs. But­ter­worth

Hobo: Hey, kids! I wish I was a kid again. Then I’d have a hun­dred mil­lion dol­lars!

–Hen­ry St, Brook­lyn Heights

Over­heard by: Jesse

Hobo to clerk: Don’t wor­ry, ba­by, I’ll take care of the Gaza Strip.

–Deli, 45th & 3rd

Over­heard by: LP

Hobo to girl with box­ing gloves at­tached to her back­pack: Hi, there! Give a lit­tle mon­ey to help the home­less? (si­lence) I’ll take any­thing but a punch in the face!

–As­tor & Lafayette

Over­heard by: An­di C.

Shout­ing hobo: The fam­i­ly that scratch­es their butts to­geth­er has smelly fin­gers!

–34th St & 3rd Ave

Over­heard by: Kramer

Hobo cross­ing street and push­ing shop­ping cart: Hi ho Sil­ver!

–23rd St & Park Ave

That One Guest Seems to Live in the Mir­ror

Suit #1: So where are you go­ing on va­ca­tion?
Suit #2: St. Bart’s.
Suit #1: Are you stay­ing in a house or at a ho­tel?
Suit #2: A house. God, I hate ho­tels. In­evitably there will be one guest that ir­ri­tates me; I’ll see him around at lunch or some­thing. Then I’ll ob­sess about it, all va­ca­tion long.
Suit #1: Yeah.

–Land­mark Gourmet, Pearl Street

Over­heard by: freshie

You’re No Body ‘Til Some Body Wednes­day One-Lin­ers You

Girl: He has a re­al­ly amaz­ing skull.

–Bak­ery, Corte­ly­ou Road

Guy to friend: Why is that girls can get away with pick­ing their noses?

–170th St & Broad­way

Loud girl on cell in line at deli: You know I have blad­der is­sues when­ev­er I have sex!

–Broad­way & Oop­er

La­dy suit, scream­ing in­to cell: Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! Colon cleanse! I need a god­damn colon cleanse!

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Col­in

Wednes­day One-Lin­er Ch­eney

NYU frat boy to an­oth­er: Re­mem­ber that time you popped that zit on my dick?!

–Wa­ver­ly Place & Broad­way

Over­heard by: lezbotron

Old­er suit to younger suit: If you want peo­ple to move out of your way you just got­ta say shit like: pussy, dick, cunt! (peo­ple move out of the way) See?

–Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Brad

Thug to an­oth­er, ex­it­ing a deli: The Sal­va­tion Army can suck my dick.

–Stan­ton & Lud­low

Over­heard by: CN

Girl wear­ing hi­jab: That de­pends on whose dick it is!

–Hunter Col­lege, 68th & Lex­ing­ton

Over­heard by: off white