Archive for the ‘Depressed’ Category

I Al­ways Spin a 2, Nev­er Get the Blue Car, and My Peg Al­ways Falls Out.

Hip­ster: Life is so… bor­ing to me.

–Out­side trendy hip­ster bar

Over­heard by: J. Cor­ner

Head­line by: RL

Run­ners-Up:
· “God: Well, You See Je­sus, I’m Kin­da Glad You Said That Be­cause…” — Siz­zle
· “Ob­vi­ous­ly Has­n’t Tried the New “Coke Ze­ro”” — Leary Blaine
· “That’s Why God In­vent­ed Firearms” — as­tan­hope
· “The Sun Is Hot, Wa­ter Is Wet, And, Some­where, a Hip­ster Is Bored. More at Eleven.” — map
· “Those Skin­ny Jeans Will Suf­fo­cate You Soon Enough” — Mowgli Al­la­gash
· “Who Or­dered the En­nui and Ton­ic?” — bri­an brine­gar
· “You’re Not Ex­act­ly a Fire­works Ex­trav­a­gan­za Your­self” — Katie Dar­ling

Click here to see the new Head­line Con­test

All the World’s a Wednes­day and the Peo­ple Mere­ly One-Lin­ers

Loud angsty teen boy: My life is a tragedy and I’m on­ly in act two!

–La­Guardia High School

Over­heard by: He’s no Shake­speare…

Ac­tor: I al­most woke up dead this morn­ing. But I don’t have an un­der­study.

–Gallery Play­ers, Park Slope

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

Guy: …and gri­mace could play Mary Mag­da­lene.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Shake Shack pa­tron: It was like Menopause: The mu­si­cal.

–Madi­son Square Park

Over­heard by: Adam Nathan

Queer on cell: Hon­ey, if you thought Menopause was fun­ny, you are gonna piss yo pants at The Vagi­na Mono­logues!

–Wal­greens, Union Square

Fly­er guy to girl with Rent shirt: Why you gonna go see Rent? Have you seen it yet? The gay guy dies. Woo!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Min­er­va

Stage­hand: Jul­liard is a school. It’s not like Spa­malot.

–Lin­coln Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Emi­ly B.

…Wait– Was That a Sex Joke?

(back door opens and clos­es, then the bus starts mov­ing)
Ob­nox­ious His­pan­ic Emo girl: Back doooor! Back doooor!
Bus dri­ver: What the fuck!? Speak up, I don’t have all day!
Ob­nox­ious girl: Back dooooor!
Bus dri­ver: I have a fam­i­ly! I’m tired! I want to go home!
Ob­nox­ious girl: Back doooooooor.
Bus dri­ver: Ladies and gen­tle­men, our fu­ture.

–Bx41

Over­heard by: If He’s Dis­s­a­point­ed with this I hope he nev­er walks in­to one of New York’s pub­lic schools

Col­or-Co­or­di­nat­ed Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Hip­ster on cell: Drunk di­al­ing is the new black. Fuck you. Hap­py new year.

–House Par­ty, Lorimer St

Over­heard by: con­fab­u­la­tion Na­tion

Red­head to friend: I swear we al­ways have or­ange an­i­mals and they’re all called Re­nae.

–Cen­tral Park

Woman to man: There are many things to be sad about. The col­or of mon­ey be­ing green is­n’t one of them.

–90th & 1st

Over­heard by: Sam

Sad suit: Their yo­gurt is just too white.

–Out­side Pinkber­ry in Ko­re­atown

Girl: Yeah, my pubes are pink.

–B1 Bus

Over­heard by: Robert

Mid­dle aged gay man: Al­right! I like col­ored pens! There, I said it.

–42nd St