Archive for the ‘Depressed’ Category

The Wednes­day One-Lin­er Is Al­ways Right

Store clerk la­dy to man lean­ing on shelf: Sir, you can­not do that… You are get­tin’ too com­fort­able in this store.

–Gro­cery Store

Sales clerk to woman with a pug wear­ing a sweater and booties: That is so gangs­ta!


Over­heard by: Lara

Ap­a­thet­ic serv­er to cus­tomer: Do I look like I am hap­py at all?

–Star­bucks, Man­hat­tan Mall

Young fe­male cus­tomer ser­vice rep to an­oth­er: I’m not sayin’…, I’m just sayin’…, you know what I’m sayin’.

–Ma­cy’s Cus­tomer Ser­vice

Over­heard by: Richard Downey

Daffy’s em­ploy­ee to la­dy try­ing on shoes: Do they fit? [Be­fore cus­tomer can re­spond.] I don’t even know why I’m askin’ you. You a cus­tomer. I don’t even care.

–Daffy’s, At­lantic Ter­mi­nal in Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Crys­tal Dick­in­son

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Spin Fat in­to Mus­cle

African man, yelling in­to cell: I am not rid­ing a bike! I’m not a ma­chine! I’m not a ma­chine! I’m not a wheel!

–W 23rd St

Over­heard by: I’m a train!

Loud chick on cell: So I told him he’s got­ta do some ex­er­cis­es or some­thing to keep up with me. I mean, he does­n’t do any fore­play or any­thing, just climbs his fat ass on top of me…

–37th & Broad­way

Guy on phone at sand­wich shop: How am I? Well, that’s a com­pli­cat­ed que­sion ‑do you mean right now, or in gen­er­al? Be­cause right now, Lisa’s got a re­al­ly bad cold and is all set up on the couch and I just got back from a eu­lo­gy for a friend’s pop. So now I’m get­ting a cof­fee and then I plan on rid­ing the bi­cy­cle at the gym -’cause that’s the clos­est I can get to hero­in. How are you?

–85th & Colum­bus Ave

La­dy, to marathon wheel­chair par­tic­i­pants: Don’t just sit there, go go go!

–99th & 5th, NYC Marathon

Grown woman, clap­ping and bounc­ing up and down: Yaaaaaaay, I get to go on the slide!

–76th & York

Ten-year-old girl leav­ing the mid­night show­ing of Har­ry Pot­ter: Ugh. I am nev­er work­ing out again!

–68th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz