Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Prefer “Pleasantly Plump”

Guy on phone: That's not the problem, straight guys who are fatter than me get laid all the time.

–Time Warner Center

Man on cell: Of course I'll recognize you! Unless you got fat!

–Sheep's Meadow, Central Park

Gay black man: Uh uh. Girl, her fat ass will so not make it. You better not bring her here.

–Bleecker & Broadway

Overheard by: fellow fatass

Excited young teen on cell: Dad! Guess what celebrity we just met?! The Weight Watchers lady! No, the old one! Yeah, Kirstie Alley! We got her autograph! She's real fat now! We met her in the chocolate store!

–W Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: JR

Fat chick: Do not tell me I'm not a size 4!

–Central Park West

Overheard by: Rich H

Wednesday Doesn't Eat Enough to Keep a One-Liner Alive

Skinny professor: John* [a chubby professor] and I started Weight Watchers together at the same time!

–Hostos Faculty Dining Room

Overheard by: glad she's leaving

Skinny girl to clerk: Hi, do you have a soy-based, non-dairy substitute for heavy cream?

–Whole Foods, Union Square

Overheard by: office peon loves Thanksgiving food

Girl ordering Coffee Coolatta with skim milk: I hope this tastes as good as it did when I was anorexic. Everything tasted good back then…

–Dunkin Donuts, Bay Ridge

Overheard by: allison

Jewish grandmotherly type: Women with anorexia seem to have such strange eating habits.

–Upper West Side

Anorexic-looking girl: I want a tic tac. I'm hungry.

–95th & 2nd

Pop Quiz: How Many Faces Do the Girls Have? Show Your Work.

Skinny girl in dress: Okay, what do you guys think?
Friend #1: Oh my god, it looks so good on you.
Friend #2: I love it!
Skinny girl: Really? I don’t know…
Friend #1: Seriously — you should get it. It looks awesome on you.
Friend #2: If I were you, I’d totally get it.
Skinny girl: Okay… Thanks! I think I will. [Retreats into fitting room.]
Friend #1: God, she is so disgustingly skinny, it sickens me.
Friend #2: I could throw up right now.

–H&M fitting room, Broadway & Spring

Overheard by: lc

I'd Like You All Now to Join Me in a Chorus of “This Little Light of Mine”

Bus driver: Good morning passengers! You may have heard recently that bus drivers have been put on a diet to make them nicer and more helpful. Now this doctor has told me, “No more bacon and eggs, but a nice bowl of oatmeal. Oh, and lots of water, fruit. And instead of stopping for some pork fried rice in the afternoon, with chicken wings, a nice piece of flounder, maybe with some butter and herbs.” Now it's been 15 days, and I am so much more polite to passengers, saying “Good morning. How do you do?” I'm even nicer to mama when she gets home. Helpin' her with her carriage and bags; lowering the bus for people at the curb. So I just want to thank you and let you know to bear with me for another 15 days. Thank you and have a nice day.

–B61 Bus

Overheard by: I should have eaten breakfast