Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Sit around the House

Teen: When I was young and fat I used to dream about scooping out my fat with a teaspoon. I was a deeply disturbed child.

–C train

Hobo: I had a wife! She was 389 pounds and had three stomachs. Now, I know a man never runs from his wife, but after a night with her — call me what you want — but I ran.

–C train

Little girl: All ugly and fat people should be banned from the train.

–4 train

Hipster: Have you ever seen a fat girl in spandex on weed?

–Union Square

Chubby teen chick: Bacon and soda, that’s my fucking bread and butter!

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Bread and butter, that’s my fucking bread and butter

Fat lady eating pizza: Well, you know, I figured this was just as good as a salad…

–JFK

Overheard by: Wondering

Calista Flockhart Must Feel So Forgotten

Chick #1: Well, no, you look better now, but you were never that skinny, I mean, I never looked at you like “she needs a sandwich”, like…
Chick #2: No, but I haven’t gained any weight, really; my clothes still fit.
Chick #1: But you were never grotesque, like what’s her name.
Chick #2: Nicole Ritchie.
Chick #1: Yeah.

–55th & 8th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster

Wednesday One-Liners! They're Just Like Us!

Creepy dad, cheerfully, to seven-year-old daughter: There's only one Lindsay Lohan!

–Downtown 1 train

Overheard by: Harriet Vane

Jewish girl to friend: You know how ever since I got my shnoz done people tell me I look like Amy Winehouse?

–116th St & Broadway

Crazy black guy on bus, to no one in particular: Derek Jeter looks just like Robert Deniro, man… Just like him!

–N6 Bus

Overheard by: looks like paris hilton?

Larger reporter: I'm not going to save clothes that fit me before I gained weight in case I lose it. If I lose weight, I'm going to buy some new damn clothes. I don't want to wear stuff from 1987. I'll look stupid, I'll look like Mischa Barton.

–Midtown Office

Overheard by: you wont be mischa's size

Hipster girl to friend: I mean, I really like him… But he thinks River Phoenix is a place.

–East Village

Are You Reading Off… an Index Card?

Dude: Hey, good to see you, what’s new?
Goth tranny: Oh, not much. In a new band, we’re looking for a bassist, we have a show on Saturday, my apartment sucks, Joe quit, been trying to lose weight, I need a haircut, it’s my birthday next week, and I’ve been playing World of Warcraft. What about you?

–Halloween Adventure, 11th & 4th Ave

Overheard by: Kate Melvin

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