Archive for the ‘Diet/Weight’ Category

Wednesday One-Liners Are Retaining Sperm

20-something woman on cell: I thought I was pregnant because I was nauseous all the time, but then I realized I was just always hungover.

–111th & Broadway

Overheard by: Ladle

Guy to chick: What the fuck did she get pregnant for? She needed to lose some weight.

–Bowery

Hyper chick: He got me knocked up with this giant pretzel!

–LIRR

Overheard by: Pretzel Vendor

20-something girl to friend: Oh, so you're thinking because it's Memorial Day weekend you're gonna get preggers?

–Hoyt-Schermerhorn Subway Sation

Guy, about a couple who'd broken up: She came back to pick up her shit, and when you come back to pick up your shit, you know, shit happens, and she got pregnant.

–Bed-Stuy, Brooklyn

Overheard by: Ashley

Lady suit on cell: Well, unless you want to get me pregnant, I'm not sure I see a way around this!

–Columbus Circle

Wednesday One-Liners Sit around the House

Teen: When I was young and fat I used to dream about scooping out my fat with a teaspoon. I was a deeply disturbed child.

–C train

Hobo: I had a wife! She was 389 pounds and had three stomachs. Now, I know a man never runs from his wife, but after a night with her — call me what you want — but I ran.

–C train

Little girl: All ugly and fat people should be banned from the train.

–4 train

Hipster: Have you ever seen a fat girl in spandex on weed?

–Union Square

Chubby teen chick: Bacon and soda, that’s my fucking bread and butter!

–14th & 1st

Overheard by: Bread and butter, that’s my fucking bread and butter

Fat lady eating pizza: Well, you know, I figured this was just as good as a salad…

–JFK

Overheard by: Wondering

Calista Flockhart Must Feel So Forgotten

Chick #1: Well, no, you look better now, but you were never that skinny, I mean, I never looked at you like “she needs a sandwich”, like…
Chick #2: No, but I haven’t gained any weight, really; my clothes still fit.
Chick #1: But you were never grotesque, like what’s her name.
Chick #2: Nicole Ritchie.
Chick #1: Yeah.

–55th & 8th

Overheard by: Duncan Pflaster