Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers? Kinky!

300-pound girl on phone: Girl, you showed your whole booty crack? I know, he’s in­to that kinky down­town shit.

–14th St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: bas­tar­do

Loud up­state girl: I think…doin’ any kin­da re­search in­ta fur­ries? You’re in trou­ble.

–Hud­son & Hous­ton

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Hoochie: I mean, you gonna hand­cuff me, then hand­cuff me. But, you know, when I got­ta go do my shit, I got­ta go.

–1st St & 1st Ave

Over­heard by: ste­phie

Curly-haired girl on cell: I’ve to­tal­ly got a cold too! But I’ve al­so got bondage tape. And a cell phone ac­ti­vat­ed vi­bra­tor.

–Ouidad sa­lon

Over­heard by: Wild Dog Boy

Suit to an­oth­er, while hav­ing lunch on bench: You put duct tape on her mouth and you do it from be­hind.

–Cen­tral Park

Guy at ta­ble: You know, she’s a qual­i­ty girl, even when I was in hand­cuffs, I could tell that she was a qual­i­ty girl.

–Carnegie Deli

Over­heard by: Spazz

Like Be­ing Pum­meled by Thou­sands of Tiny Penis­es

Sales­man demon­strat­ing mas­sager on self: It’s sup­posed to be heavy so that the weight of it helps mas­sage your shoul­ders.
Mid­dle-aged woman, unim­pressed: What about that one?
Sales­man, pick­ing up new mas­sager: This is a vi­bra­tor.
Mid­dle-aged woman: [Stunned silence.]Salesman: Uh, I mean, it op­er­ates us­ing vi­bra­tion — the first one’s called a per­cus­sion mas­sager. It’s just a… dif­fer­ent type of mas­sager.

–Brook­stone, Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: she did­n’t buy ei­ther one

In My Day, You Had to Walk Two Miles Bare­foot to School and a Coke Bot­tle Suf­ficed As a Dil­do

Girl: There’s a new sex toy — it’s re­al­ly ad­vanced… You can choose how much body fat you want, change the skin col­or, every­thing.
Guy #1: Wait, do you in­flate it?
Girl: No! It’s like a dead per­son you just fuck.
Guy #2: Would­n’t it be a lot of work for girls?
Guy #1: Dude, she can just sit there.
Guy #2: But still, she has to hop! Like, hop up and down.
Guy #1: Dude, if it’s that ad­vanced, I’m sure the cock moves.
Guy #2: Oh, true. Yeah, it prob­a­bly has a bon­er.

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Over­heard by: freck­les

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Have the City’s Shit­ti­est Job

Com­e­dy club pro­mot­er: Com­e­dy club, com­e­dy club. Laugh un­til you get vi­o­lent di­ar­rhea!

–Times Square

Over­heard by: Patrick

Com­e­dy pro­mot­er to girl walk­ing by: Hey, you like com­e­dy? (girl ig­nores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: MsPrint

Com­e­dy show tick­et sales­man on side­walk: Com­e­dy show! Free vi­bra­tors! New bat­ter­ies!

–Times Square

Guy pro­mot­ing com­e­dy club to cou­ple hold­ing hands: Hey, what are you two do­ing tonight? …be­sides each oth­er?

–Times Square

Com­e­dy pro­mot­er: Want to see a com­e­dy show? We’ve got free mar­i­jua­na down­stairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Over­heard by: Daniel