Archive for the ‘Dildos and Vibrators’ Category

In My Day, You Had to Walk Two Miles Barefoot to School and a Coke Bottle Sufficed As a Dildo

Girl: There’s a new sex toy — it’s really advanced… You can choose how much body fat you want, change the skin color, everything.
Guy #1: Wait, do you inflate it?
Girl: No! It’s like a dead person you just fuck.
Guy #2: Wouldn’t it be a lot of work for girls?
Guy #1: Dude, she can just sit there.
Guy #2: But still, she has to hop! Like, hop up and down.
Guy #1: Dude, if it’s that advanced, I’m sure the cock moves.
Guy #2: Oh, true. Yeah, it probably has a boner.

–Washington Square Park

Overheard by: freckles

Wednesday One-Liners Have the City's Shittiest Job

Comedy club promoter: Comedy club, comedy club. Laugh until you get violent diarrhea!

–Times Square

Overheard by: Patrick

Comedy promoter to girl walking by: Hey, you like comedy? (girl ignores him) Yeah, you the strong, silent type… I like that in a woman.

–48th & Broadway

Overheard by: MsPrint

Comedy show ticket salesman on sidewalk: Comedy show! Free vibrators! New batteries!

–Times Square

Guy promoting comedy club to couple holding hands: Hey, what are you two doing tonight? …besides each other?

–Times Square

Comedy promoter: Want to see a comedy show? We've got free marijuana downstairs.

–W 43rd St & 9th Ave

Overheard by: Daniel

You Put That in Your Wednesday One-Liner?

Woman, to friend: he was so excited, I thought his butt plug was going to shoot out of his ass.

–Spring Street and 6th St

Overheard by: Sarah O.

Dude in fur coat and construction boots: My mom asked me if I had a razor in my butt…

–Downtown ‘1’ Train

Husband to wife:
I can’t believe you just put your finger up my butt hole!

–Grand Central Terminal

Overheard by: bonifacia

Transvestite prostitute: I just got off my second and last date tonight… Man paid me 4 bills to stick my fingers in his booty.

–Meat-packing District

Overheard by: Erin

Guy on cell: you have to get drunk enough not to puke, but enough to take the piece of glass into your ass!

–Bleeker & Barrow

Overheard by: ivy270

Guy on cell phone passing by: normally when you say that, my asshole starts puckering!

–Union Square

Wednesdays Strap on Their One-Liners

Woman walking into apartment building: Why did I get stuck carrying the bag of butt plugs?

–Greenpoint Ave

Hot girl on cell: You won't die if you get stabbed by a dildo. (pause) Well, even if it was a hooker. What did you drink?

–Cook St & Bushwick Ave

Overheard by: cameo

Homie on BlackBerry; No, no, peep this, I said "cock ring" and she says, "like the guy from the OJ trial?" I'm dead serious!

–Rockafeller Plaza

Attractive 20-something to friend: Got hit with a sex toy!

–Pillow Fight, Union Square

Overheard by: Anna P.

Girl to four friends: And then I saw my old wooden dildo. It was wooden!

–37th St & 8th Ave

20-something girl: This is the most exciting thing to happen today! And that's saying something, considering today was a day that included buying sex toys!

–Topshop

Ho, Ho, Ho!

Girl #1: What did you get from your secret Santa?
Girl #2: Just some soaps and smelly stuff from Bath & Body Works. Oh, and a free promotional CD that my secret Santa told me was free.
Girl #1: Who was your secret Santa anyway?
Girl #2: Amy. I saw what she got from her secret Santa. It was a Santa vibrator.
Girl #1: A Santa vibrator! Much cooler than soaps and a free CD.
Girl #2: Yeah, I guess so. Until I stole the Santa vibrator off her desk. It was fucking small, though. As big as my pinkie.

–N train

Overheard by: michelle luvey

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