Archive for the ‘Disney’ Category

The Hap­pi­est Wednes­day One-Lin­ers on Earth

Blonde: At least if I die on the tram I won’t have to go to Dis­ney World.

–Tram from Roo­sevelt Is­land

Over­heard by: Lau­ra

Woman on cell: That’s kind of sur­re­al to go from Dis­ney­land to Sci­en­tol­o­gists.

–53rd & 5th

Mid­dle-aged nerd, point­ing to the Cy­clone: I’ve rid­den it over a hun­dred times, and every time the whole time I’m like this [puts both arms up over head]. It’s con­sid­ered, you know, the cool, fun way to ride if you can do it the whole time. Most peo­ple can’t.

–Coney Is­land

Over­heard by: Ace Mon­tana

Old guy to two oth­ers: Over there is Brook­lyn. Coney Is­land is there. It’s just like a Span­ish Dis­ney World.

–Van­dam St & 6th Ave

Over­heard by: Katie Dear­est

Queer: So last night, me and my friend were be­ing all cat­ty and talk­ing about our friend who got a re­al­ly good job… I was re­al­ly jeal­ous and pissed, but then I re­al­ized — she may have an awe­some job, but she’s nev­er been to Dis­ney World. Then I felt bet­ter about the whole sit­u­a­tion.

–NYU

Over­heard by: Does Six Flags count?

Tour De Wednes­day One-Lin­ers

Fat tourist: Ex­act­ly, like, I know Dis­ney triv­ia, but of course I don’t know gen­er­al triv­ia.

–El­lis Is­land

Over­heard by: Cat

Fe­male tourist with Irish ac­cent, read­ing leaflet: Jaysas lads, it on­ly took them 14 months to build this, I won­der if it’s okay like.

–Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: joanie

Tourist gaz­ing up at the Em­pire State Build­ing: They sure could fit a lot­ta hay in there!

–Out­side Em­pire State Build­ing

Over­heard by: Dup­py

Tourist: Where do they keep the ceme­ter­ies around here?

–Next to St. Paul’s Cemetery/Church

Fe­male tourist: Oh my god, I can’t be­lieve we’re on the 6… Just like J.Lo.

–Down­town 6 Train

Over­heard by: Court­ney C.

Overzeal­ous British tourist fa­ther, point­ing at map: Okay, every­one. We’re pass­ing by Madi­son Square Gar­dens. They must be love­ly at this time of year. We’re on the Met­ro­pol­i­tan Line, see? The Met Line. Just like in Lon­don. We’re go­ing to get off at Rec­tor Street. It’s the last stop be­fore Brook­lyn, so if we miss our stop, we’ll be in Brook­lyn, and we don’t want that! Look, now there are no more num­bers. When there are no more num­bers in the sta­tion names, that means we’re at the bot­tom of the un­der­ground. Oh, look, it’s Chi­na­town. This is where all the ori­en­tals get off.

–R Line

Over­heard by: of­fice pe­on is one of those Ori­en­tals…

Fe­male tourist: Know what? Fuck it, I just want to go back to my ho­tel room and take a shit.

–Canal St

Next Thing You Know There’ll Be a Na­tive Amer­i­can Princess!…Oh, Wait.

Black la­dy #1, look­ing at poster for The Princess and the Frog: The Princess and the Frog…
Black la­dy #2: She’s black.
Black la­dy #1: Nawww. She ain’t black.
Black la­dy #2: Yeah, she is.
Black la­dy #1: Naw! A Dis­ney movie with a black per­son! That’s not hap­pen­ing.
Black la­dy #2: No, re­al­ly. I saw a pre­view for it. She’s black.
Black la­dy #1: Wow… That’s weird.

–Ziegfeld The­ater

Over­heard by: Wil­low

If the Wednes­day Fits, One-Lin­er It

Young thug to friends: Stop, stop, stop! Stop, se­ri­ous­ly, stop. C’­mon, I’m not kid­ding! Se­ri­ous­ly. I have shoe pho­bia!

–Metro-North Rail

Guy with shoe in hand, catch­ing up to woman who lost it: Here you go, Cin­derel­la!

–Man­hat­tan Mall

Over­heard by: thorn

Man­ag­er of ladies’ shoe store: It’s easy to close. You put the hook­er boots–all this hoochie stuff, with the hook­er boots, you put the flats with the flats, you put the day shoes with the day shoes. Now, Nar­nia over there is an­oth­er sto­ry…

–Ma­cy’s

Over­heard by: Sarah R

Chick to guy: If you buy me Jim­my Choos, I’ll have your ba­by.

–Rock­e­feller Cen­ter

Over­heard by: Lets hope she’ll have the ba­by any­way…

Four-year-old girl step­ping out of taxi: Mom­my, can we go on­line to buy shoes to­day?

–Up­per West Side

Over­heard by: …wow.

Nice Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Fin­ish Last

Man on cell: I need at­trac­tive girls with low self-es­teem so I can tell them that I un­der­stand and then do hor­ri­ble things to them. This is ba­sic sci­ence.

–40th & 8th

Over­heard by: 13Atlantic

Irate Wall Street guy stand­ing in deli: Every­thing! Every­thing! I said “every­thing bagel,” you fuck­ing waste of life. (to oth­er cus­tomers in line) He al­ways does that!

–Beaver & William

Boy, watch­ing Han­nah Mon­tana on screen: un­less she’s hang­ing from a rope, I can’t be both­ered.

–AMC 7, East Vil­lage

Over­heard by: agreed

Fe­male in red coat: It’s, like, the Holocaust–get over it! I did­n’t even care about it when it first hap­pened.

–Bob­st Lob­by, NYU

Over­heard by: wow.

Hey, Boys and Girls, It’s Wednes­day One-Lin­er Time!

30-some­thing blonde in of­fice at­tire on cell: You need to tell Vanes­sa that she can’t be on the show be­cause she’s not over­weight enough, and s not un­at­trac­tive enough.

–Whole Foods Mar­ket, Chelsea

Syra­cuse Uni­ver­si­ty girl, go­ing up es­ca­la­tor: I feel like I’m in Star Trek! (be­gins hum­ming In­di­ana Jones theme)

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Mick­ey

20-some­thing gaysian: Yeah, he watch­es Han­nah Mon­tana so I don’t get why he makes fun of me for watch­ing iCar­ly!

–Wash­ing­ton Square Park

Teen: I watched I Love Lucy last night. She’s fun­ny; she’s like the Jim Car­rey of the 1920s or some­thing.

–UA School of Mu­sic and Art

20-some­thing prep­py kid to moth­er: You know, they re­al­ly should have a re­al­i­ty show about Mid­town.

–54th St b/w 1st & 2nd Ave

Over­heard by: Pe­dro