Archive for the ‘Doctors’ Category

Meds­day One-Lin­ers

Ra­di­ol­o­gy nurse: I have been asked out be­fore. But nev­er while giv­ing a bar­i­um en­e­ma!

–Ra­di­ol­o­gy Med­ical Of­fice, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: Pa­per

Doc­tor on cell: I have to get ori­ent­ed as to the lo­ca­tion of those ca­dav­ers!

–3rd Ave, Near Cabri­ni Med­ical Cen­ter

Old­er doc­tor to younger doc­tor in a group: You ac­tu­al­ly tried to get a der­ma­tol­ogy con­sul­tant to come in the mid­dle of the night? That was pret­ty dumb. You know those guys would­n’t get out of their Shea but­ter body wraps un­less the world was end­ing.

–Kings Coun­ty Emer­gency Room

Suit to la­dy friend: If you re­al­ly want­ed to smoke crack you’d go to the hos­pi­tal!

–Nas­sau St & Ann St

Over­weight girl to fe­male friend: Wan­na play gy­ne­col­o­gist?

–St. Mark’s Place

Over­heard by: Sarah Booz

Doc­tor, It Hurts When I Wednes­day My One-Lin­ers!

White col­lege girl: I would def­i­nite­ly want to be a doc­tor, if I did­n’t have to go to med­ical school.

–Ford­ham Uni­ver­si­ty

Nurse to an­oth­er: Well, it seems that the themes of the day were UTIs and preg­nan­cies.

–NYU Stu­dent Health Cen­ter

Over­heard by: had nei­ther

Black male pre-teen to moth­er: I know all about doc­tors, ’cause I watch shows about that. (pause) Ac­tu­al­ly, I watch Dr Phil.

–1 Train

Guy to two girls: I had to fire my doc­tor, I did­n’t like what he told me.

–39th & Lex­ing­ton

Doc­tor, draw­ing on nap­kin and dis­play­ing re­sults to stu­dent: This is you…in 40 years, in a fugue state. In Turkey. Dis­so­cia­tive fugue–learn neu­rol­o­gy!

–168th & Fort Wash­ing­ton

How to Tell If Your Den­tist’s a Vir­gin

Den­tist: You don’t have any al­ler­gies, do you?
Pa­tient: Peni­cillin.
Den­tist: But no la­tex al­ler­gies or any­thing like that?
Pa­tient: No! Oh my God, no! Wow. That would be to­tal­ly hor­ri­ble and de­press­ing.
Den­tist: Why, are you a med stu­dent or some­thing?
Pa­tient: …No.

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty Den­tal Prac­tice, Am­s­ter­dam Ave

The Cor­rect Term is “Nurse”

Doc­tor guy: What brings you here to­day?
Woman: You’re not wear­ing ID. Are you a doc­tor?
Doc­tor guy: Oh, I’m sor­ry, I left it at the com­put­er.

He goes to get it.

Man: What did­ja do that for?
Woman: How do you know he’s re­al­ly a doc­tor? He could be a ho­mo­sex­u­al.

–Coney Is­land Hos­pi­tal

Over­heard by: Iris Kalash­niko­va