Archive for the ‘Doctors’ Category

Is ‘Oxy­codone’ with an ‘I’ or a ‘Y’?

La­dy suit: I can’t keep com­ing here to get my pre­scrip­tion filled. They’re be­gin­ning to rec­og­nize me.
Suit: So what?
La­dy suit: So, what if I get in trou­ble?
Suit: Why would you get in trou­ble? You have a pre­scrip­tion from a doc­tor.
La­dy suit: If you say so. Oh, shit, I for­got to put the date on this.

–Du­ane Reade, 89th & Colum­bus

Over­heard by: Veron­i­ca at

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Take Ad­van­tage Of Medicare While They Still Can

Blonde on cell: So it was ei­ther an am­bu­lance or a taque­ria.

–Times Square

Girl on cell: What? What!? Go to the hos­pi­tal. Go to the hos­pi­tal! Please. Why? Be­cause when you get stabbed you go to the hos­pi­tal, you don’t go and lay down.

–Jer­sey Tran­sit

Thug, in a rush: Look, I don’t give a fuck! I just want Med­ic­aid!

–13th & 3rd

Dis­grun­tled male gy­ne­col­o­gist: We’re the bas­tard stepchil­dren of the surgery world. Gen­er­al sur­geons bare­ly think we’re hu­man. “Oh, don’t get up, it’s just a gy­ne­col­o­gist.” I could have been a gen­er­al sur­geon, a plas­tic sur­geon, a den­tist, a lawyer… I’d be mak­ing more mon­ey, too. My broth­er’s cat need­ed a cae­sar­i­an sec­tion and the vet got paid more than I get paid to do a cae­sar­i­an sec­tion!

–Gy­ne­col­o­gy Of­fice, 32nd & Madi­son

Over­heard by: Rose Fox

Girl on cell: I told you I was sick and need­ed to go to the doc­tor’s! I can’t even swal­low! I tried food, wa­ter and liq­uids!

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Ross

Chick in scrubs (light­ing cig­a­rette) to friend in scrubs: My heart rate won’t go down!

–113th & Am­s­ter­dam

Over­heard by: McF­reaky

Wednes­day First-Trimester Lin­ers

Mom to friend, as ba­by makes screech­ing sounds and bounces around in stroller: I swear I did­n’t do drugs while I was preg­nant with her. But I did have quite a few rasp­ber­ry mar­ti­nis be­fore I knew I was knocked up.

–Bel­mont Park Race Track

20-some­thing woman on phone: I need to slap that bitch. I don’t care she preg­nant, her face ain’t preg­nant.

–Stat­en Is­land Fer­ry

Over­heard by: Mike

Ghet­to ba­by mom­ma: And it was like I was giv­ing birth on the toi­let!

–Bel­mont Ave & 188th St

Over­heard by: Toomuch­in­for­ma­tion

Doc­tor to pa­tient: You’re not preg­nant, you just have gas.

–W 204th St

Over­heard by: JMS

Lit­tle girl on cell: Oh my god, I know! And I’m, like, “that’s why you’re fuck­ing preg­nant”!

–Cen­tral Park

Frankly, I On­ly Talk to You Be­cause You Pay Me

Woman in ther­a­py: So I don’t know, I re­al­ly liked her.
Ther­a­pist: Well, did you talk to her about it?
Woman: No, the bitch does­n’t call me any­more, she does yo­ga now. We used to go to Star Trek con­ven­tions to­geth­er, but she stopped talk­ing to me. I don’t even care about that bitch any­more.
Ther­a­pist: You know, she’s not a bitch just be­cause she does­n’t want to talk to you!
Woman: Yes she is, I don’t even care.

–For­est Hills

Over­heard by: They need a sound ma­chine

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers For­got Their Cof­fee This Morn­ing

Train con­duc­tor: This is New York Penn Sta­tion. New York Penn. For those of you who are just wak­ing up, this is Penn Sta­tion. If you are sup­posed to get off at New York Penn, wake up and get off now! (train leaves) Those of you who are just wak­ing up: if you were sup­posed to get off at New York Penn Sta­tion, you just missed it! I told you to get up!

–Am­trak Train

Col­lege guy: Last night I woke up on an ori­en­tal rug and I had no idea where I was.

–Sheep Mead­ow, Cen­tral Park

His­pan­ic la­dy: Qui­et down, some peo­ple are try­ing to sleep!

–6 Train

Man to friend: She can sleep in the clos­et.


Over­heard by: Wait what?

Loud phar­ma­ceu­ti­cal sales­man to doc­tor: They say that New York is the city that nev­er sleeps, right? You know why? You know why? Her­pes!

–Doc­tor’s Of­fice, As­to­ria

Woman on cell: So I walked in­to a room and she’s there, chained to a chair. And he had a gun, point­ing it at me, say­ing he was gonna shoot me. Then I start­ed cry­ing. And he fuck­ing shot her. (peo­ple on bus look wor­ried) And then I woke up.

–M4 Bus

Over­heard by: trev

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers As­pire to Be Bet­ty White

Old dog la­dy, smok­ing: Me, I’ve al­ready been spayed.

–Dog Adop­tion Booth, Brook­lyn

Over­heard by: PrairieSquid

Old woman to an­oth­er: Dar­ling, I did­n’t know your hus­band was still alive!

–Restau­rant, Up­per East Side

El­der­ly black woman, yelling to line of cars honk­ing their horns for Puer­to Ri­can Day pa­rade: Get yo punk ass­es back to 5th Ave!

–Grand & Gra­ham

El­der­ly woman, com­plain­ing to phys­i­cal ther­a­pist: I keep walkin’ like I’m drunk (pause) Cause I am drunk.

–12th & Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: tbs

Old la­dy, af­ter be­ing knocked down by man on bike: You know what… Go to hell! (gig­gles to her­self) I haven’t said that in a looong time.

–Union Square

Over­heard by: let­the­sun­shine