Archive for the ‘Dreams’ Category

200 Wednes­day One-Lin­ers, and There’s Noth­ing to Watch.

Pro­fes­sor: Do you guys watch Amer­i­can Idol? It’s painful.

–Lehman Col­lege

Film stu­dent #1: It’s kind of like Clover­field meets The L Word.

–Wa­ver­ly Place & Broad­way

Val­ley girl wear­ing UG­Gs, point­ing to Guggen­heim: Oh! I think this is the build­ing where Blair and Ser­e­na live!

–Out­side of Guggen­heim

Re­al­ly ef­fem­i­nate 40-some­thing man: I al­ways pick up when he calls, and he was so mad I did­n’t this time… but I could­n’t, be­cause I was still in mourn­ing over Amer­i­can Idol!

–114th & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Melis­sa

Queer to fe­male friend: I was watchin’ Oprah the oth­er day. Oprah is le­git! She had Christi­na Ap­ple­gate on. You know, that girl from Mar­ried with Chil­dren and she was talkin’ ’bout her breasts. She got breast can­cer and they took both of them off! She had on of them lumpec­tomies.

–J Train

Guy: That’s the new Amer­i­can dream–fuck up your life so much that you get your own tv show.

–Fundrais­ing Walk, Bat­tery Park

Over­heard by: Har­ri­et Vane

Wday 1 Lnrz — U Like?

Girl on cell: Sor­ry I texted you when you were giv­ing birth.

–27th St & Park Ave

20-some­thing girl: I kept say­ing, “I emailed a text to him!”

–Pub, 59th & 3rd

Over­heard by: Blue­toothed them a post­card

20-some­thing girl cor­rect­ing her friend’s text mes­sage: No, you don’t need an apos­tro­phe there. It’s “hos,” plur­al, not “of or per­tain­ing to a ho.”

–M15 Bus

Over­heard by: Lau­ren

Guy with suit­case on cell: I sent him a text ask­ing if I could stay at his place, and he said sure. I find out to­day he was be­ing sar­cas­tic.

–116th & Broad­way

Stu­dent: Okay, it’s 3:20. I think it’s an ap­pro­pri­ate time to text Ben and tell him I had a sex dream about him.

–Sarah Lawrence Col­lege

Over­heard by: An­na

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Love the Rear Naked Choke

Girl to an­oth­er: And she went to get in­to her car. I was like “you’d bet­ter get out of here or I’m gonna fuck you up.” And she was all slam­ming the door and stop­ping over to me. And I was all in her face and bitch-slapped her. Well, that last part might have been a dream. But then she got in­to her car and left.

–NY Cen­tral Li­brary

Over­heard by: amused

Woman on cell: Hi, An­nie! How are you? (pause) I’m go­ing to get my ass kicked by a very big black man.

–Park Slope

Suit on cell: If you don’t stop hang­ing up on me, I will kick you in the throat.

–Times Square

Guy on cell, very loud­ly: Yeah, but, so no­body knows about it ex­cept me and the oth­er guys in the fight club.

–21st St & Broad­way

Over­heard by: Alex

20-some­thing girl: And then she chlo­ro­formed me. (pause) I said that too loud.

–Penn Sta­tion

Over­heard by: Russ

Night-Night, Wednes­day-One-Lin­er Tight!

20-some­thing girl: I mean, I can al­ways sleep on top of him.

–Straw­ber­ry’s, Queens Cen­tre Mall

Over­heard by: i like that op­tion…

Man to friend: I keep hav­ing dreams about be­ing with oth­er women, and I’ve nev­er had them be­fore. I think it must be the time of year or some­thing.

–Hud­son Riv­er Park

Girl on cell: Well, he slipped me Ec­sta­sy while I was sleep­ing…

–23rd St & 8th Ave

Guy on cell: That’s awe­some! (pause) That’s awe­some! (pause) Dude, that’s like re­verse Sleep­away Camp!

–27th & 2nd

Over­heard by: liz

Nurse: I just want to stop hav­ing dreams of him say­ing “pap-smear pap-smear pap-smear…”

–Co­lum­bia Uni­ver­si­ty

Over­heard by: p y l

This Would Make an Awe­some Screen­play

Woman #1, seat­ed at bar in restau­rant: My daugh­ter told me she was go­ing to fin­ish med school, then her in­tern­ship, and then her res­i­den­cy… but be­fore go­ing in­to prac­tice she was go­ing to take time off to “fol­low her dream.“
Woman #2, seat­ed at bar: What’s her dream?
Woman #1: To be­come a pro­fes­sion­al wrestler.

–Restau­rant, West Vil­lage