Archive for the ‘Drinks’ Category

Why Tho­razine Is Con­traindi­cat­ed for Ser­vice Em­ploy­ees

Yan­kee fan: Yeah, I’ll have a grilled chick­en sand­wich and a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: Crispy chick­en sand­wich?
Yan­kee fan: No, grilled, sor­ry about that–I thought I said grilled.
Ap­a­thet­ic cashier: And you want­ed a Di­et Coke?
Yan­kee fan: No, a vanil­la iced cof­fee.
Cashier: Oh.

–Mc­Don­ald’s, Yan­kee Sta­di­um

Over­heard by: Rachel W.

And Now He’s Got My Vote

Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I want­ed to get a drink, so I took him to the bar every­one was at.
Girl #1: Then what hap­pened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hard­ly re­mem­ber, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked.

–CVS, 9th & 58th

Wednes­day One-Lin­ers Burp the Worm

Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I’m se­ri­ous, if you watch porn, you won’t have to eat for hours. Oh, and mas­tur­bat­ing burns a lot of calo­ries, too.

–Brook­lyn

Very up­set drunk hobo, af­ter con­duc­tor an­nounces last stop: Your kickin’ all these peo­ple out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?

–Bowl­ing Green Sta­tion

Street dancer: Every­one on earth was born as a re­sult of an or­gasm. Every­one mas­tur­bates. And if they say they don’t, they’re ly­ing. Even the Pope mas­tur­bates!

–Union Square

Irish dude, throw­ing tea to the ground: It’s not right, man! Ass­hole mas­tur­bat­ed in my tea!

–Out­side Star­bucks

Teen thug: I wan­na plea­sure my­self while writ­ing an es­say, what’s the prob­lem with that?

–Q Train

Over­heard by: Robert G.

He Thinks Out­side the Box, and That’s What I Love About Him

Ditzy run­ner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a pota­to!“
Ditzy run­ner #2: A pota­to?
Ditzy run­ner #1, pleased with her sto­ry: a pota­to.

–Cen­tral Park, Dur­ing JP Mor­gan Chase 5K Run

Cer­tain­ly, Mr. Has­sel­hoff

Cus­tomer: Um, ex­cuse me, I or­dered a root beer float, but you gave me a beer float.
Burg­er girl: Oh my god… I’m sor­ry.
Cus­tomer: I mean, I like your cus­tard, and I like beer, but…
Ran­dom guy: Hey, can I have it?

–The Shake Shack

Over­heard by: craig and cory