Ditzy runner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a potato!”
Ditzy runner #2: A potato?
Ditzy runner #1, pleased with her story: a potato.
–Central Park, During JP Morgan Chase 5K Run
Customer: Um, excuse me, I ordered a root beer float, but you gave me a beer float.
Burger girl: Oh my god… I’m sorry.
Customer: I mean, I like your custard, and I like beer, but…
Random guy: Hey, can I have it?
–The Shake Shack
Overheard by: craig and cory
Queer #1: Can I have Coke?
Waitress: We don’t serve sodas here.
Queer #2: What about Diet Coke?
–Bliss Café, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sillyrabbit
Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!
–Amy's Bread
Young hipster: I want drink!
Concessions clerk: What? Snapple? What?
Young hipster: Drink! I want drink! [Pounds counter.]Concessions clerk, utterly confused: You are too young to drink.
Young hipster: I want drink! And purple!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: attendee
Guy #1: Can I have some of your alcohol?
Guy #2: Sure.
Guy #1: That's the worst Long Island Iced Tea I've ever had.
Guy #2: It's a Rum & Coke.
Guy #1: Ohhh, that's why.
–Sunnyside, Queens
Overheard by: Daniel
Woman in line at Duane Reade: I drank your water, um, that bottle of bottled water?
Boyfriend: The one with the vodka in it?
Woman: Yeah, and it, um, tasted funny. I had to lie down.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No. You should have come to bed.
Boyfriend: I did. You were asleep.
–59th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Tanker
Columbia coed #1: Does this have, like, a ton of caffeine in it?
Columbia coed #2: That’s milk.
–116th & Broadway
Overheard by: applying elsewhere
Man singing "My Girl": White girl — talking ’bout whiiite girl! Yeah, you! If I could, I would take you home right now and give you some Kool-Aid!
–2 train
Old guy playing chess: I can’t drink orange juice anymore. It makes my eyes sweat.
–Bleecker & Thompson
Overheard by: fancypants
Woman on cell: Just drink cranberry juice. It cures everything.
–Starbucks, Astor Pl
Overheard by: Brian
Man on cell: I don’t think somebody would put poison in milk…
–Union Square
Overheard by: SixthFloorGirls
Woman on cell: My cabbie just handed me a can of Coors. What the fuck?
–Harlem
Overheard by: Ladle
Outraged eight-year old boy: They didn’t have any fucking chocolate milk! I was so pissed off!
–76th & West End
Overheard by: Harriet Vane
Man on cell: Was there a lot of bleeding? [unintelligible reply] Well, was it four sheep or five? [reply] We have to find a way to separate the cows from the sheep.
–Elevator, 56th & 8th
Drunk girl, yelling: All I want is a llama! Another cocktail and a llama!
–Terminal 5
Dude: So you’re enjoying acting, LA, monogamy, horses?
–Cafe Esperanto
Chick to friend: I don’t care how well you clean it, I am not doing shots out of that alligator!
–TriBeCa
Overheard by: lalala
Swanky pin-stripe suit on cellphone: The little shit will definitely get approved. He’s as healthy as a French gay ox.
–51st & 3rd
Overheard by: IG
Young black dude: You know the movie The Lion King? Yeah The Lion King! …You know, the one with all the tigers.
–4 Train
Overheard by: BQM lady
Man: Manatees are the most peaceful creatures in the world… They get hit by motor boats!
–Astor Place