Girl #1: So how did you meet him?
Girl #2: He just came up to me on the street and asked me my name… Then he asked me if I wanted to get a drink, so I took him to the bar everyone was at.
Girl #1: Then what happened?
Girl #2: Then we fucked.
Girl #1: What? Just like that?
Girl #2: Yeah, I can hardly remember, but we left the bar, grabbed a cab, went to my dorm and then we fucked.
–CVS, 9th & 58th
Guy from restaurant to hobo: Hey, do you want something to drink?
Hobo: Sure, what do you have?
Guy from restaurant: Pepsi, Coke, Sprite…
Hobo: Anything diet?
–75th & Broadway
Overheard by: uneditedtales
Teen girl: If you want to lose weight, watch a lot of porn. I'm serious, if you watch porn, you won't have to eat for hours. Oh, and masturbating burns a lot of calories, too.
–Brooklyn
Very upset drunk hobo, after conductor announces last stop: Your kickin' all these people out to wait for the next train, just so you can jerk off?
–Bowling Green Station
Street dancer: Everyone on earth was born as a result of an orgasm. Everyone masturbates. And if they say they don't, they're lying. Even the Pope masturbates!
–Union Square
Irish dude, throwing tea to the ground: It's not right, man! Asshole masturbated in my tea!
–Outside Starbucks
Teen thug: I wanna pleasure myself while writing an essay, what's the problem with that?
–Q Train
Overheard by: Robert G.
Ditzy runner #1: So I was like “did you use your juicer?” and he was like “yeah, but it went bad” and I was like “how did it go bad?” and he was like “well, I juiced a potato!”
Ditzy runner #2: A potato?
Ditzy runner #1, pleased with her story: a potato.
–Central Park, During JP Morgan Chase 5K Run
Customer: Um, excuse me, I ordered a root beer float, but you gave me a beer float.
Burger girl: Oh my god… I’m sorry.
Customer: I mean, I like your custard, and I like beer, but…
Random guy: Hey, can I have it?
–The Shake Shack
Overheard by: craig and cory
Queer #1: Can I have Coke?
Waitress: We don’t serve sodas here.
Queer #2: What about Diet Coke?
–Bliss Café, Williamsburg
Overheard by: sillyrabbit
Yuppie male at counter, taking a sip of his orange juice, sighing: Let me guess. This isn't freshly squeezed.
Barista: Nope!
–Amy's Bread
Young hipster: I want drink!
Concessions clerk: What? Snapple? What?
Young hipster: Drink! I want drink! [Pounds counter.]Concessions clerk, utterly confused: You are too young to drink.
Young hipster: I want drink! And purple!
–Madison Square Garden
Overheard by: attendee
Guy #1: Can I have some of your alcohol?
Guy #2: Sure.
Guy #1: That's the worst Long Island Iced Tea I've ever had.
Guy #2: It's a Rum & Coke.
Guy #1: Ohhh, that's why.
–Sunnyside, Queens
Overheard by: Daniel
Woman in line at Duane Reade: I drank your water, um, that bottle of bottled water?
Boyfriend: The one with the vodka in it?
Woman: Yeah, and it, um, tasted funny. I had to lie down.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No.
Boyfriend: Are you going to apologize?
Woman: No. You should have come to bed.
Boyfriend: I did. You were asleep.
–59th St & 10th Ave
Overheard by: Tanker