Archive for the ‘Druggies’ Category

If It’s That Much Fun, You Weren’t Doing the Right Drugs

20-Something guy #1: I loved rehab.
20-Something guy #2: I did, too.
20-Something guy #1: You know, I’m so grateful for the friends.

–19th & 8th

Overheard by: Sebastian White
Headline by: Adam Nathan 

Runners-Up:
· “And Don’t Forget the Free Detox Poncho” — Toby
· “And By ‘Friends,’ He Means ‘Points of Reference.’ ” — Jessica P.
· “And Your Daughters Appreciate Not Having to Say They Fell Down the Stairs at School” — Fake Jew
· “However, My Intervention Was a Bore.” — Sean
· “If I Ever Get Lonely, I Know I Can Just Relapse.” — Colin McCleod
· “It’s Hard to Find People Who Understand My Smurf Porn Addiction.” — John
· “Its Just Like Summer Camp! But With No Blow” — Liss
· “So No One Told Ya Life Was Gonna Be This Wayyy (Clap, Clap, Clap, Clap)” — pete
· “That’s Spelled F‑I-E-N-D‑S” — Bostonian
· “They Were The Mayo On My Cold Turkey” — Hellboy
· “You Should See the Support at the Sexaholics Meeting” — Mike

Click here to see the new Headline Contest

Easter Isn’t Just About Cadbury Creme Eggs

Dealer: I got ecstacy, I got crystal meth, I got hydro…OK, y’all have a nice holiday. 

–Washington Square park

Overheard by: Mark Asch 

Street Preacher: Have you found Jesus?!
Guy #1: Why? Did you lose him?
Street Preacher: Have you found your Lord, our Savior, Jesus Christ?
Guy #2: Next time, try using better fucking nails! 

–42nd & 8th

Overheard by: eb 

Guy: I think her Easter eggs say “Satan” on them.

–27th Street office

Dear Uncle Sam– Have You Thought About Creating Food Stamps Specifically for Drugs?

Dealer: You got the rest of the money?
Buyer: Yeah, it’s right here–look in the sock. (hands him sock)
Dealer, looking in sock: Bitch, I ain’t no grocery! I ain’t take yo’ food stamps! (throws contents of sock–change and stamps–all on the ground)

–Nostrand Ave & St Mark’s

Overheard by: whyileftbrooklyn